Pisuanakin
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Feb 1, 2016
- Messages
- 5
Hello,
Some background: 22y old male, smoked weed for 1 year almost daily (0.2-1g / day) with some breaks till 29 December 2015. No mental illness history in my family, never had any mental problems, didn't even have a bad trip from weed. Played sports for 15 years, good family, good friends, good environment, stability, finished my first university last year, now I'm at the second one. Overall, I was always motivated and happy like a normal person.
My problems started almost 2 months ago when I did for the 4th time Syrian Rue (4g) + Mimosa Hostilis (9g). First 2 times, I had no trip, although I entered into a nice meditative state after 45 mins each time, went to sleep, woke up fine. Third time, I had a full trip, everything was awesome (the "purge" part, even though it was terrifying, I learnt a great deal from it). After the purge, the comedown was awesome, I felt reborn, everything great, so I went to sleep and the afterglow was still with me. Everything was awesome the next two weeks till I decided to do it again. My reasons? I got greedy and wanted one more single answer to the question "How should I help a friend that was depressed since one bad weed trip?".
Now the dreaded 4th trip (almost trip though): I spent the day mediating, 5 hours before the tea, I went for a drive and for 2 hours I felt amazing and connected with my music and the nature around me. I remember when I was getting back to my appartment, I was full of love and peace, pure joy and happyness (Will smith style :D ). I arrived home at 18:00 and proceeded to my apparently first mistake: At 19:00 I ate smoked pork soy bean soup (I don't know exactly how it's called, but the name I gave you should be enough I guess), which I later found out contains tyramine (i think). It was the first time I didn't respect the MAOI diet (that I strictly respected the first 3 times). At 21:00 I took 3g of Syrian Rue, grinded them with my teeth and then swallowed them with water. At 21:15 I took the Mimosa Hostilis brew. At 21:30, some great panick came upon me, I wasn't feeling right, I felt some nasty fear and something felt wrong, so I decided to interrupt everything and force myself to puke. For the next 10 minutes I puked several times, I even drank some water, ate an orange and then proceeded to puke again, just to be sure. I've spent the next 3-4 hours with a nice portion of anxiety (I was afraid to trip in that moment, I felt like i wasn't ready). I played some computer games in this time, some of the fear went away, so at ~24:00 I ordered a pizza (Ham, Mushrooms, Cheese and Olives). This might've been the second mistake... I fell asleep 30 minutes later.
Next morning I woke up fucked up. For the first time in my life, I had suicide thoughts, I felt nothing for anything, I felt like there is nothing in this world for me, pure depression and some "what the hell is happening" anxiety that came with the package. I felt empty inside, even though I just woke up I was yawning every 20 seconds. I decided to eat something (Mixed Vegetable Soup) and then I hopped into the wank-a-train to see if I feel something from masturbation, it went ok (for who's curious :D ), although after I finished, I felt like shit. I didn't smoke weed for 1 month prior to this, I wasn't even a cigarette smoker, although the next step for me was to go buy a pack of cigarettes to see if I feel something from them. I smoked one and I didn't feel anything, so I started to panic more. I called a family friend whom I trust and I know that she is pretty spiritual and has some reiki control which calmed me a big deal.
The feelings I had that next morning were: horrible depression, some depersonalisation (everything felt dream-like), constant yawning, suicidal thoughts, inability to focus, bad memory, tinnitus, some anxiety, hopeless, severe fatigue, low energy levels, I couldn't even cry, I was shaking and every minute felt like hell). Over the first week I managed to cry for the first time. The next weeks I felt a great anhedonia, the suicidal thoughts were no longer there, I knew i was feeling shit and I was still hopeless, but suicide thoughts (that I will never listen to) disappeared. After one week I decided to smoke weed every night (small amounts: 0.2 joints) for 4 nights, first night anxiety decided to come and visit me, which ate 3/4 of my trip, and the other 3 nights I felt really good, like that "dreaded almost 4th trip" never happened. I stopped smoking for one week, then from 25 december till 29 december I was on wake-n-bake mode. After NYE, the shaking was gone, most of the anxiety was gone, most depression was gone, although I was left with some nasty anhedonia. My libido was really low for two weeks after that night, now it's back to normal. On 6th January, after almost one month since the incident, I felt joy for the first time, I was driving and I was entering in awesome meditative states, I think I cried of happiness and joy for 2-3 straight hours while driving and listening to music.
Each day gets better, but only little by little, which is a bit annoying, some days I feel good for few hours, then for no reason I feel empty again. Tinnitus is still there but with lower volume (although it spikes for some reason every few days for like 2-3 mins), anxiety is 95% gone, I have 50% of my energy back, I yawn less now (even when a random "black cloud" comes over me, I seem to yawn constantly again), I have only 5% of my normal motivation, I can focus on things that bring me a bit of something (sports, computer games, conversations), insomnia (weed related I think) is over, although there was one night where I couldn't fall asleep. Irritability is still here (although way lower than the first days), now I have mood swings, I'm on an emotional roller-coaster, some days I feel at ~80% for like 4-5 hours, then a wave of anhedonia hits me for no reason. Those waves are getting smaller and smaller in intensity each day, there aren't any triggers to them. In the last 3 weeks I ate healthy 4-5 small meals / day, in a balanced diet, I went to bed and woke up at the same hours every day (22:30 - 08:00). I also had some random aches those weeks, one day my head hurts for no reason, then my back decides to ache for no apparent reason
Another strange thing is that on 3 weeks ago I went to an acupuncturist and did only 2 sessions, combined with some detoxing for liver and kidneys for 3 days (in the morning, on an empty stomach, half of a lemon squeezed into a glass of water and drank + mostly vegetable and fruit diet + lots of beets + a daily glove of garlic + sauna + swimming; 4 meals / day + L-Phenylalanine + LODONAL + Ignatia Amara). After 3 days on this regime I felt so shit that the idea of suicide came back in my head, I had severe anxiety, severe depression, I didn't manage to sleep for 2 nights. After this "detox", I moved back with my parents and my sleep improved from "inability to fall asleep" -> "fall asleep pretty hard and wake up every 2 hours thirsty and hungry at 4:00 mostly" to -> "fall alseep way better and wake up only two times per night, no longer with stomach aches in the morning" .
So everything is getting better and better everyday. I'm on a normal diet, I only take Calcium+Magnesium+Zinc supplement, I drink plenty of water, I sauna 5 times / week, I keep myself active and busy although almost all of the symptoms that appeared after the "dreaded 4th" seem to come back randomly at lower intensity with no apparent trigger.
My questions are: What happened to me that night? Why did a natural detox + acupuncture for only 3 days made me feel so bad? Could it be PAWS from weed? and like any normal person would ask: Will I ever get back to normal? Thank you for reading! Have a great day!
Some background: 22y old male, smoked weed for 1 year almost daily (0.2-1g / day) with some breaks till 29 December 2015. No mental illness history in my family, never had any mental problems, didn't even have a bad trip from weed. Played sports for 15 years, good family, good friends, good environment, stability, finished my first university last year, now I'm at the second one. Overall, I was always motivated and happy like a normal person.
My problems started almost 2 months ago when I did for the 4th time Syrian Rue (4g) + Mimosa Hostilis (9g). First 2 times, I had no trip, although I entered into a nice meditative state after 45 mins each time, went to sleep, woke up fine. Third time, I had a full trip, everything was awesome (the "purge" part, even though it was terrifying, I learnt a great deal from it). After the purge, the comedown was awesome, I felt reborn, everything great, so I went to sleep and the afterglow was still with me. Everything was awesome the next two weeks till I decided to do it again. My reasons? I got greedy and wanted one more single answer to the question "How should I help a friend that was depressed since one bad weed trip?".
Now the dreaded 4th trip (almost trip though): I spent the day mediating, 5 hours before the tea, I went for a drive and for 2 hours I felt amazing and connected with my music and the nature around me. I remember when I was getting back to my appartment, I was full of love and peace, pure joy and happyness (Will smith style :D ). I arrived home at 18:00 and proceeded to my apparently first mistake: At 19:00 I ate smoked pork soy bean soup (I don't know exactly how it's called, but the name I gave you should be enough I guess), which I later found out contains tyramine (i think). It was the first time I didn't respect the MAOI diet (that I strictly respected the first 3 times). At 21:00 I took 3g of Syrian Rue, grinded them with my teeth and then swallowed them with water. At 21:15 I took the Mimosa Hostilis brew. At 21:30, some great panick came upon me, I wasn't feeling right, I felt some nasty fear and something felt wrong, so I decided to interrupt everything and force myself to puke. For the next 10 minutes I puked several times, I even drank some water, ate an orange and then proceeded to puke again, just to be sure. I've spent the next 3-4 hours with a nice portion of anxiety (I was afraid to trip in that moment, I felt like i wasn't ready). I played some computer games in this time, some of the fear went away, so at ~24:00 I ordered a pizza (Ham, Mushrooms, Cheese and Olives). This might've been the second mistake... I fell asleep 30 minutes later.
Next morning I woke up fucked up. For the first time in my life, I had suicide thoughts, I felt nothing for anything, I felt like there is nothing in this world for me, pure depression and some "what the hell is happening" anxiety that came with the package. I felt empty inside, even though I just woke up I was yawning every 20 seconds. I decided to eat something (Mixed Vegetable Soup) and then I hopped into the wank-a-train to see if I feel something from masturbation, it went ok (for who's curious :D ), although after I finished, I felt like shit. I didn't smoke weed for 1 month prior to this, I wasn't even a cigarette smoker, although the next step for me was to go buy a pack of cigarettes to see if I feel something from them. I smoked one and I didn't feel anything, so I started to panic more. I called a family friend whom I trust and I know that she is pretty spiritual and has some reiki control which calmed me a big deal.
The feelings I had that next morning were: horrible depression, some depersonalisation (everything felt dream-like), constant yawning, suicidal thoughts, inability to focus, bad memory, tinnitus, some anxiety, hopeless, severe fatigue, low energy levels, I couldn't even cry, I was shaking and every minute felt like hell). Over the first week I managed to cry for the first time. The next weeks I felt a great anhedonia, the suicidal thoughts were no longer there, I knew i was feeling shit and I was still hopeless, but suicide thoughts (that I will never listen to) disappeared. After one week I decided to smoke weed every night (small amounts: 0.2 joints) for 4 nights, first night anxiety decided to come and visit me, which ate 3/4 of my trip, and the other 3 nights I felt really good, like that "dreaded almost 4th trip" never happened. I stopped smoking for one week, then from 25 december till 29 december I was on wake-n-bake mode. After NYE, the shaking was gone, most of the anxiety was gone, most depression was gone, although I was left with some nasty anhedonia. My libido was really low for two weeks after that night, now it's back to normal. On 6th January, after almost one month since the incident, I felt joy for the first time, I was driving and I was entering in awesome meditative states, I think I cried of happiness and joy for 2-3 straight hours while driving and listening to music.
Each day gets better, but only little by little, which is a bit annoying, some days I feel good for few hours, then for no reason I feel empty again. Tinnitus is still there but with lower volume (although it spikes for some reason every few days for like 2-3 mins), anxiety is 95% gone, I have 50% of my energy back, I yawn less now (even when a random "black cloud" comes over me, I seem to yawn constantly again), I have only 5% of my normal motivation, I can focus on things that bring me a bit of something (sports, computer games, conversations), insomnia (weed related I think) is over, although there was one night where I couldn't fall asleep. Irritability is still here (although way lower than the first days), now I have mood swings, I'm on an emotional roller-coaster, some days I feel at ~80% for like 4-5 hours, then a wave of anhedonia hits me for no reason. Those waves are getting smaller and smaller in intensity each day, there aren't any triggers to them. In the last 3 weeks I ate healthy 4-5 small meals / day, in a balanced diet, I went to bed and woke up at the same hours every day (22:30 - 08:00). I also had some random aches those weeks, one day my head hurts for no reason, then my back decides to ache for no apparent reason
Another strange thing is that on 3 weeks ago I went to an acupuncturist and did only 2 sessions, combined with some detoxing for liver and kidneys for 3 days (in the morning, on an empty stomach, half of a lemon squeezed into a glass of water and drank + mostly vegetable and fruit diet + lots of beets + a daily glove of garlic + sauna + swimming; 4 meals / day + L-Phenylalanine + LODONAL + Ignatia Amara). After 3 days on this regime I felt so shit that the idea of suicide came back in my head, I had severe anxiety, severe depression, I didn't manage to sleep for 2 nights. After this "detox", I moved back with my parents and my sleep improved from "inability to fall asleep" -> "fall asleep pretty hard and wake up every 2 hours thirsty and hungry at 4:00 mostly" to -> "fall alseep way better and wake up only two times per night, no longer with stomach aches in the morning" .
So everything is getting better and better everyday. I'm on a normal diet, I only take Calcium+Magnesium+Zinc supplement, I drink plenty of water, I sauna 5 times / week, I keep myself active and busy although almost all of the symptoms that appeared after the "dreaded 4th" seem to come back randomly at lower intensity with no apparent trigger.
My questions are: What happened to me that night? Why did a natural detox + acupuncture for only 3 days made me feel so bad? Could it be PAWS from weed? and like any normal person would ask: Will I ever get back to normal? Thank you for reading! Have a great day!
