I still consider myself very much a work in progress, but I thought I'd offer my experience.
I'm an IV heroin and meth addict, though my true weakness is the needle itself; as recently as January, lacking either of my drugs of choice, I'd shoot up ketamine, MXE, even my prescription Seroquel--anything for even a taste of the rush. My downward spiral began last fall, as daily IV use coincided with my first full manic-psychotic episode. In January, I was diagnosed Bipolar I, and went to the ER for methoxetamine overdose twice in two weeks. That was my wake-up call, and I made the hard choice to enroll in a sober program abroad, far from my dealers and enablers.
I've been here for two months, and have been clean from H and meth for 2.5 months. I'm proud of my achievement, as small as it seems to some, because the sudden loss of all my drugs, and my very lifestyle, was a difficult and painful transition. I dreamed about needles almost every night the first few weeks. The dreams are rarer now, thank God, but even now, not a day goes by without thoughts of using. However, I'm far enough removed from my previous lifestyle that I've gained the perspective I've needed, and can see my use for what it was--true addiction, destructive to my mental health when I most needed healing, and destructive to my family, to whom I caused so much pain as they tried everything to help me.
Even here, I'm still not completely sober; I drink coffee, chew nicotine gum (weaning myself off cigarettes--and I think I've kicked that for good; I don't crave them anymore), sometimes take more than my prescribed dose of Klonopin, and on a few occasions have brewed poppy seed tea with seeds bought from the store. (Another thing I've learned: when you're an addict, you can never completely escape temptation.) Yet my abstinence from the needle, from heroin and meth, and even from cannabis (which I'd vaped daily for the last several years), has improved my self-confidence like nothing I'd imagined--I no longer see myself as a slave to my hedonistic impulses, but as a strong woman making the conscious choice to care for her body and mind. I've adopted healthy habits like drinking tea in the evening instead of shooting dope and vaping, meditating nightly, cooking healthy meals, and going on long hikes in the wilderness. I have one more month in the sober program before I return home, and to be honest, I'm still considering trying to chip my beloved heroin and meth. I believe I've developed the inner strength to resist falling into a pattern of use--especially as I'm haunted by memories of my past self, desperate, lying and stealing to support my habit. But I'll tread with caution, knowing that I have the strength to make the responsible choice.
If I've learned anything from my near-sobriety, it's that I'm stronger than I think, and that I have so many beautiful possibilities for the future that I don't want to throw away for synthetic happiness squeezed in through a pick. I've promised myself that I will continue my positive practices, and for the first time in as long as I can remember, I *like* myself--and nothing, no drug, can compare to that. I refuse to fall into the traps of my past life--scraping by without sleep or food, treating the people around me like dirt, fraternizing with the very worst kinds of people. Sobriety is still a daily struggle, but I can wholeheartedly say that the freedom is worth the pain, every single day.
Hope this helps.