what does good psychotherapy look like?

[simco]

I just got home from another 50-minute hour with my shrink. I've gone to some kind of psychotherapist most of my life, and this guy for about a year. Normally I have pretty strong feelings about which kinds of therapy are helpful for me, especially with respect to addiction and recovery. In particular, I've always found more relief from "deep" one-on-one work (usually psychodynamic in some way), as opposed to, say, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or any kind of group counseling. Of course I know plenty of folks do swear by CBT and argue that anything with a foot in psychoanalysis is bullshit.

My point in writing this isn't really to hash out that argument. If it goest that way, cool. But here's the thing.

Today I had what my shrink called a "very good session." I told him some things that I'd never told anybody and that I'd kept to myself because they are very, very painful. So now I'm sitting at my keyboard with my heart thumping and my mouth dry. Cried like a baby driving home. The shrink said I should probably take some clonazepam to "get ahead" of the shit that's sure to come to mind later today and into tomorrow.

Again, I usually feel that by coming to terms with the things that make me hate myself I think I'll eventually learn how to live without compulsively using drugs. I know I use dope b/c of emotional sewage. But at times like this, I wonder: is this really good for me? Is this going to help more than it hurts? Isn't there another way I can feel better?

Have other folks asked these kinds of questions about their own therapy? If you did, where did they lead you?

I'll do anything not to pick up again (5 weeks clean from heroin right now).

 

[herbavore]

Simco, I can really relate to the pain of going deep into the darkest places inside. I am convinced that it does help. Acceptance of yourself is the ultimate goal and it is achievable only through truly facing what we are most inclined to turn away from. The truth is most of us do not deserve even a fraction of the shame we carry about ourselves. Remorse is understandable and even desirable but shame is an insidious destroyer. Imagine that you have a friend and you are constantly judging that friend for the choices they make, the way they think, the human weaknesses they display. That "friend" would not choose to stay in your life. It is the same in a relationship with yourself. I think that if you can continue to work on that--the relationship with yourself--allowing all the honesty and compassion that you would give to a good friend to guide you, you will not be sorry for the well of emotional pain that your most recent session brought to the surface.

Stay strong and PM me any time.

 

[Cosmic Trigger]

Telling the truth about who we are is the road home IMO. It's not going to make life into a joy ride necessarily but it's going to change us fundamentally IMO. I think what you did in your session was real. It's who and what you are. You can't learn to love something you're afraid of revealing, first to yourself and then to the world. It may not stop you from ever using drugs again either. I don't know but it's real and it's you and what you are and what has happened to you. It's honest and real and most humans never ever go there. I hope you are able to acknowledge how brave you are for what you've done. Even if nothing more than that comes of this.

I hope this really helps your life. It's a step forward for you IMO. It's going to get easier to accept yourself. That's what it's done for me. I'm not walking in the shadows anymore. At least I have that. This is my two cents from someone who was able finally to tell the truth to the world. It took me 62 years to quit running and hiding my pain and my life and death are both easier to take now. I wish you the very best. Your post made my night.