TDS What do you do when realization sets in...

[roxyroxy86]

I have come to the conclusion that I am, indeed, screwed. How does one cope with the fact that you will (at least in my case) never really be clean? Even if I were to quit pills, I'd either be on methadone or suboxone and both have withdrawal symptoms...I am scared to death of being sick...It happened twice and I will never go through that again at all costs. So what now? How do you go on living knowing that you will never really have a life? That what has a hold of you will never let go?...

 

[kaywholed]

make the best of what ya got today, and work to make tomorrow brighter.

it ain't gonna be easy or quick, but it will be worth it.

 

[neversickanymore]

I would reassess the situation and come to the conclusion that I came to the wrong realization. Dope sickness is temporary.. its bad, then it gets a little better, and then allot, then its gone. living in clean with addiction is way better than living in active addiction.. Just do what you need to do untill you come to the conclusion that you want to and are ready to get clean. Try not to think that far ahead, it will just make you crazy. You will figure it all out in time, relax your doing fine

 

[RedLeader]

Some people will switch from (long-term) bupe/meth back to a full-agonist to block the acute WD from the replacement drug, saving a couple doses of the replacement for any acute WD attributed to a week or two on the short-acting drug. This is a very risky route to getting clean for obvious reasons, but I have seen it done. Occasionally doctors script something like morphine to help people bridge the gap between methadone and Suboxone for short-term use of the latter. Then again, these strategies set up around minimising pain do come with high risks over the classic slow taper. I am not suggesting it, but just pointing out other ways to skin a cat. Only consider such a path when you know you are done and it is all medicinal.

You can't totally avoid the pain, but a number of plans exist that can keep it limited to chills, sneezes, insomnia and a bit of a mental funk. And loads of support meds can help even more

If you are that psychologically bothered by WD, don't go on methadone. Suboxone WD does nor get BAD until you're been on it at least a couple months. And at higher doses. Any time you go on Suboxone, go on it with a plan to taper off in a week or two. Find non-drug ways to handle cravings/addiction if the replacement helps less than it hurts.

 

[motiv311]

Sometimes you have to embrace the fact that you are what you are... you are a product of the choices you have made. I still do opiates, I sometimes think I always will. But at least now I just do them very occasionally, and I don't have WDs . . WD is not to bad, once its over you feel great. Its just something you need to let those around you know about and get support with. Plan it out, its never as bad as you think it will be. IF you know you aren't gonna quit, at least go through WD so you CAN use again in the near future -- as long as you don't get addicted again.

Im always chipping , having succesful relapses, (ie using without addiction)

 

[stardust.hero]

Try to improve in some way as time elapses and find a balance of happiness in between.

 

[Pagey]

I would reassess the situation and come to the conclusion that I came to the wrong realization. Dope sickness is temporary.. its bad, then it gets a little better, and then allot, then its gone.

Basically this. Better to just suck up the temporary pain and get clean. You don't have to be on pills forever

 

[kwhat]

jus think of all the reservations you have to get high, n jus avoid them. ive been in n out of NA n soberity for the past 2 years n i always relapsed cuz i had these little reservations in the back of my head jus like of if this happens ima get high or if i see this person ima use wit em cuz there my "friends". i jus had 2+ month clean n went on a lil bender but im back goin to NA meetings where i find tons of support. i also got a new job which amazingly helps alot cuz i like it n makes me stay in the moment n not think about any of the bullshit i uslly think about. jus stay positive n be grateful for what you got

 

[CrazyC]

You know something?

I have yet to find a post from neversickanymore that does not give me a positive vibe and some hope for my future.

Dopesickness is so miserable, I know, the only comfort I can take is that I can talk to others who know how bad it is.

Hang in there and take advantage of the support you can find here!

Peace,

C

 

[neversickanymore]

You know something?

I have yet to find a post from neversickanymore that does not give me a positive vibe and some hope for my future.

Dopesickness is so miserable, I know, the only comfort I can take is that I can talk to others who know how bad it is.

Hang in there and take advantage of the support you can find here!

Peace,

C

^^ Thanks
“What I am suggesting is that each of us turn from the negativism that permeates our society and look for the remarkable good among those with whom we associate, that we speak of one another’s virtues more than we speak of one another’s faults, that optimism replace pessimism, that our faith exceed our fears. When I was a young man and was prone to speak critically, my father would say: “Cynics do not contribute, skeptics do not create, doubters do not achieve.”
― Gordon B. Hinckley

 

[Woodsong]

I'm not trying to be rude here, I'm really not and please correct me if I'm wrong, but I somehow get the impression that this is not that old of a "realization" for you...

You sound like me when I first realized that I was physically addicted to opiates in the first place, by which I mean:

You don't sound like you're to the point at which waking up several hours too early every single morning with snot running down your face, fire-ants in your bone marrow and the feeling of being hit by a semi-truck has simply become just a way of life and accepted fact yet...

If not, my advice to you is this: Find a doctor that can prescribe Suboxone. Use the absolute lowest dose you need to feel well for as short an amount of time as possible, and just ... get out of this before that DOES become your way of life, because I promise you it eventually will...

Again, please correct me if I'm wrong, cause I'm sure I sound like an ass if so... I hope I'm right though, because you may still actually have a chance to not forever look back on those days as the definition of who you really are(like I do-_-).......

 

[roxyroxy86]

Thank you for the support, everyone. I will try to do the best I can. And Woodsong, I didn't think you sounded like a jerk in your post. But that has already become my way of life, sadly... But maybe I didn't elaborate enough. I wake up in the morning, usually at about 2. I wake up because I'm drenched in sweat, yet my teeth are chattering. My blankets and my pajamas and anything that touches my skin suddenly feels like sandpaper. My babies (my Chihuahuas) who I love more than anything, are sleeping against me and I want to pick them up & throw them across the room, because I can't stand anything touching me. Instead I pick them up & gently place them in their bed. I fumble for the pill bottle. Snort a few 30's. Wait for my blood to stop itching. Try to relax and fall back to sleep. This is a typical night for me. But sharing it on here makes it a little easier to cope with. At least I know I'm not alone.

 

[Woodsong]

My mistake, I apologize... You are definitely not alone though.

It took my dad putting together a little mini-intervention, making everyone at work tell me I had a problem, before I would even consider maintenance treatment. I did do it eventually, if only to shut everyone around me up, and for a couple months I still wanted my damn oxy pretty bad, but after a short while I realized that just simply not having to live like that anymore was a tremendous weight off my shoulders, even if I was still technically dependent on opiates... Even more so now that I'm finally rid of all of that shit. Sure, I can still hear the little devil bangin' at the gate in some dark recess of my mind from time to time, and I probably always will, but I've got the keys, and all the hell I've been through trying to rid myself of opiates is worth more to me than letting him out for even a second...

I wish you luck, life is not something that should have to be endured like this. I would definitely consider maintenance if there is no serious medical need for the opiates. Or if there is, perhaps methadone might be a better choice than bupe since it's a full agonist, but it would likely still have the same mental relief from that constant chase... (I'm not very familiar with the world of methadone though.)

 

[FnX]

How do you go on living knowing that you will never really have a life? That what has a hold of you will never let go?...

Life is what you make of it. It can be quite a shock to realize that you may not be able to quite have the life you were hoping or striving for, but rest assured, you can still have a real, truly meaningful life. I believe it's important to accept yourself as who or what you are and then sort of start working from there, life is full of all kinds of possibilities. Every day there are people all around the world that get diagnosed some horrible illness that limits their life or get in a physical accident that stops their current career path completely and it can be absolutely devastating, but it is possible to get over it and pursue your passions through a different route.

 

[roxyroxy86]

I go back and forth w/ methadone & subs. After a while, though, I start to get antsy and all I can think about is getting high. I've currently been on methadone for about 2 weeks or so now. And even though I feel fine, I'm counting down the hours until tomorrow evening when one of our connects will be good. I'll go back on methadone, or switch to subs, once the pills run out. And so on and so forth. It's such a vicious fucking cycle...