What do I do?

[Whatever5664]

I really don't know what's wrong with me, I honestly can't describe my situation because of how my thoughts of it change daily, everyday my emotions change so much I really can't take it anymore I don't even know how I feel right now because I know tomorrow it's going to be different, although my phychiatrist has diagnosed me with major depression and anxiety I just don't really see it? Yes I have suicidal thoughts at times and at times I get depressed and anxious but I don't really feel like that's what's wrong with me, Ive taken so many pills for depression and anxiety that have never worked, and honestly I just got sick of it, I isolated myself in my room and stopped taking medication, stopped going to my therapy session to the point services stopped because of how much I missed. Im just so scared as to what I'm going to be like next, I'm so messed up right now, so tired, so afraid, I wish I didn't have to deal with this right now why can't I just die already, I'm so tired, what I need isn't medication, not therapy, what I need is a family that will love me, not abuse me, not always fight, I'm so tired of this, what's wrong with me, am I going to kill myself? I'm just so scared of what I'm going to do next because I never know what's coming...

(I'm so sorry if you're confused right now, but you need to understand my life isn't something I can just type, I've been through so much I'd need a whole series of books until you could understand, also, please understand I am probably just as confused as you are, I just needed someone to talk to I'm sorry..)

 

[Moreaux]

I'm sorry to hear you're overwhelmed and feeling so terrible. On some levels I can relate to what you have described without knowing all the details. When your feeling anxious try to take deep breaths and focus on something that brings you peace. For me, I think about being at the ocean with the sun on my face. Really try to put yourself in that place, image your surroundings, the sounds, the smell, the temperature.

You do sound like you are suffering from depression. Sometimes if you've been dealing with it for a long time it can feel like the new normal and he may not be aware that you actually are depressed. Make a list of things you were unhappy about and try to brainstorm potential solutions. What actions could you take to possibly make some of this better? How long would it take you to make the changes necessary to improve your situation? Make an itemized list and for each item on that list write down what it would take to resolve it, and how long. If possible, just list the steps, in order. When you're done pick a few of the easiest ones to work on first. Tackling problems this way helps to give you control back over your life and helps to restore your power.

Of course the aforementioned doesn't help much with clinical depression, which I think is also part of the issue. What medications have you tried if you don't mind me asking? I hve dealt with deep depression on and off since I was a young child. I have found that eating clean, exercising, and good sleep really do improve the situation.

You say your family is abusing you - how? What are they doing, and is there any way for you to get away from them for a while? I'm sorry I'm not much help, is there anyway you can provide more details?

I have felt very similar, and had a bout of it that lasted for four years. I too decided to quit the psych meds and found that it actually took a few years to get closer to how I was before the medication. I noticed that I felt worse before I felt better; how long have you been off your meds?

You said you quit therapy - is there anyway you can try different therapists? Sometimes it takes a while to find a good one. I have seen well over ten in my life and never had a good one. I found an excellent one in rehab but they weren't assigned to me and had too heavy a caseload to take me on so I had to speak with them in their spare time. It did let me know that good ones are out there, you just have to find them.

Again, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. If you are feeling suicidal please see a professional - life will get better, please don't give up. Please respond back with more details of you are comfortable. Please take care of yourself.

 

[Cosmic Trigger]

I really don't know what's wrong with me, I honestly can't describe my situation because of how my thoughts of it change daily, everyday my emotions change so much I really can't take it anymore I don't even know how I feel right now because I know tomorrow it's going to be different, although my phychiatrist has diagnosed me with major depression and anxiety I just don't really see it? Yes I have suicidal thoughts at times and at times I get depressed and anxious but I don't really feel like that's what's wrong with me, Ive taken so many pills for depression and anxiety that have never worked, and honestly I just got sick of it, I isolated myself in my room and stopped taking medication, stopped going to my therapy session to the point services stopped because of how much I missed. Im just so scared as to what I'm going to be like next, I'm so messed up right now, so tired, so afraid, I wish I didn't have to deal with this right now why can't I just die already, I'm so tired, what I need isn't medication, not therapy, what I need is a family that will love me, not abuse me, not always fight, I'm so tired of this, what's wrong with me, am I going to kill myself? I'm just so scared of what I'm going to do next because I never know what's coming...

(I'm so sorry if you're confused right now, but you need to understand my life isn't something I can just type, I've been through so much I'd need a whole series of books until you could understand, also, please understand I am probably just as confused as you are, I just needed someone to talk to I'm sorry..)

I know what you mean. I'll never get the world I need to thrive in. I feel it's just a matter of time before I kill myself. Each day I lose a little more of whatever there was of me that felt right. They don't call it the dark side for nothing. I wish I had something more positive to say but at least know you are not alone. Misery has some company.