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What did i do to my brain during a year+ long adderall binge?

J

joeguy12

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 12, 2012
Messages
4
This is a really long and complicated story so im going to try and keep it short.

Basically i started taking Adderall (ir) in the summer of 2012.

Started out taking less than prescribed for a short bit, but then it turned into the full days dose

and then that turned into taking a few extra than scripted

I was scripted 60 mg a day and my mom also got the same script
and i was able to have all these extra adderalls to eat non stop,

The was taking 80-140+mgs (sometimes near 200mg) pretty much everynight for a strong years spand.

Eventually tolerance really started to effect the high i was getting and i started to go cold turkey a few times

in order to quit, which i stayed without adderall for 4 months or so, but never felt back to normal

The points i obsess on daily

* Did i ruin the dopamine or reward center forever? Ive made myself believe this as fact and that ill never be happy.


* Is adderall the ONLY drug that can supply me with the dopamine i seek or is there an alternative that

would actually make a difference in my mood and focus?


* can i naturally ever make the same firing of dopamine happen by achieving a dream? or is it just
a shitty low i have to learn to live with?


If the replys are as i assume of me destroying some process in the brain that deals with the reward center,
whats your advice as far as coping with it?

The first day of use after not using for a bit stops the rumination i do over these destructive, self hate thoughts 24/7. I can finally focus, have motivation to want to change, takes away the hopeless feeling. I have taken
action with school and other self progressions under the influence off adderall compared to procrasinating
and avoiding any structure. That first day after not using is like heaven and i ofcourse assume im owed
to feel the adderall high daily but its just not doable so far. The next days the effects are diminished until im
sick of it.


Part of me feels that part of my tolerance is all in my head and that this depression is a cause of negative
thinking more then the adderall abuse.

I watch drugs INC of junkies for 20 years not going through any of the mental pain i am.



I feel guilty whenever i take even just 1 20mg. I feel like a disaster thats ruined his life at 22.

Its literally night and day as far as my mood and behavior when im not on it compared to being on the med

Its controlling everything now and i need to do something.

I am just trying to get to a content peace of mind that i lost partying after highschool. After 4 years
it feels like im broken or theres a fundemental thinking error thats making me so miserable.

I have terrible ocd and can convince myself i have a tumor growing anywhere. This is what makes it hard
for me to try and start to believe that this is mostly in my head. I assume the worst always and im all or nothing
so its been a 100% Fact that im broken haunting me everyday

Now when i take a dose, the comedowns make me cry hard until i stop ruminating over being messed up

or feeling bad for using. but at the same time, i rather go through these ups and downs compared to

the numb and alone feeling without. I just wish it wasnt such an intense come down.

Last question, if i decide to keep using adderall, am i going to cause even more depression?
or can i use <100mg semi daily without further anhedonia. I am a drug addict and cant live with anhedonia.
I have dreams that keep me from fully collapsing but things are getting really hard to live with and deal with
all this shit.

they also have me on seroquel, xanax and zoloft. I hate the doctors, im upset at myself and i just need some scientific based advice as far as recovering from this.


thank you very much
 
Mmh maybe it's all those meds you're on that make you feel so shitty? SSRIs are known to cause emotional numbness. And why are you on seroquel? Please don't tell me because of insomnia. Because a doctor prescribing an antipsychotic forninsomnia is just... yuk
 
seroquel is anti-psychotic at 200-300mg, it helps people sleep at 25-50mg, kind of a big difference there, zoloft and xanax would make me feel emotionally dead

if you are experiencing all this hurt from having used adderall for a year, it makes sense to not use it anymore

what exactly where your mental issues before being prescribed all these drugs?
 
i appreciate the replys. I started on SSRIs for "depression" (which is euphoria compared to where im at right now) and then i got a taste of xanax, my dad had a script
so i had access to all these meds and they will give them if i ask them and tell them i dont feel good.

im 22, i started these meds (adderall came later) at 18 with an SSRI, then i experimented and abused xanax till this day.

ive been able to somewhat "handle" the xanax use, ive been taking between 4-6mg through the years and its kept my anxiety at bay.

i never have been told whats wrong with me. Bipolar and Scizcho are not a factor, but i researched borderline personality disorder last year and i
relate to it as far as being afraid of being alone and my idealizing and black/white thinking. Also magical thinking im told i do
and i just cant shake this fear of incoming death/doom that bugs me from my brother passing away when i was 14 from cancer.

Lithium did nothing or other mood stablizers
 
the thing is tho, my way out of this hell is achieving my dream of writing music as a pro, and its my one of few passions thats get to my heart/bring mes hope.
but now the adderall is fucking with my thoughts and focus to the point that i cant even sit and write anything because all i do is ruminate over a possible health hazard,
my potential destroyed mental health and my lonelyness stuck with my parents still.
 
Hey joeguy12 and welcome to BL=D

I do not think you have damaged anything permanently at all and there are allot of things you can do to promote the healing that you seek.

Exercise and Brain Neurotransmission
Neurobiology of Exercise
(this is more designed at opaites but has good information that can help you as well) Chemicals and supplements to recover from opiate addiction
Diet & Neurogenesis

neurochemistry effects thinking and perception, but thinking also effects neuro chemistry and perception.

it is a powerful thing to keep our thoughts positive and here are some threads many of us use to help us do this.
Managing depressive thinking
Good things about being off drugs/getting sober
Share something POSITIVE from your day!
Today I Am Thankful For... Ver. 3: Earth, Wind and Fire!
Anhedonia MEGA Thread
 
I was smoking huge amounts of cocaine for about a year so I understand you. I really doubt that a year long adderall binge has destroyed you forever. According to my research it takes about 4-5 years for the brain to recover from heavy drug use.
Now, you might find yourself not mustering the energy to compose your music; and that's normal, I know when I'm taking adderall if I'm not studying I'm playing my bass for at least 2 hours straight.
The next day I don't even pick it up, and If I do, it's for 15 mins.

Exercise and proper diet is the key to recovery. You will recover but be prepared to be a lethargic functioning person for quite some time...After I stopped cocaine, I was one lazy motherfucker for about 6 months, I did not want to do anything.


My brain was so happy that I was no longer making it paranoid; that I could pass the day watching a few movies and browsing the internet, depression never struck a chord because whenever I felt down at least it was BETTER than being PARANOID AS FUCK.
 
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Whilst I'd fully support 'exercise and proper diet' for anyone really I have to take issue with statements like this :-

Ignot said:
According to my research it takes about 4-5 years for the brain to recover from heavy drug use.
Click to expand...

There is no such research that covers 'heavy drug use' what drugs ? and what does this research define as heavy.

Statements like this aren't very helpful, if you want to talk about research then you really need a citation to the work that was carried out.
 
Based upon everything I've read on amphetamine neurotoxicity (which is a lot considering I wrote the wikipedia articles on amphetamine and methamphetamine...), I can tell you that you don't have much to worry about regarding permanent long-term effects. The available evidence on chronic amphetamine overdose shows very marginally statistically significant cognitive impairment for users of pure dextroamphetamine (a slightly stronger DA stimulant than Adderall) that binged on it for (1) over a decade and (2) used between .5 grams and 2 grams per use. This is based upon PMID 23415394. So in a nutshell, what you're experiencing is likely going to alleviate with time until you eventually return to your long-term steady-state (i.e., your "normal").

I'll just add that plain amphetamine (be it levoamphetamine, racemic amphetamine, Adderall, or dextroamphetamine) isn't inherently neurotoxic. Amphetamine itself doesn't damage your neurons no matter how much you take.*** The way neurotoxicity occurs with amphetamine is through the release of an excessive amount of dopamine. Excessive quantities of cytosolic and synaptic dopamine damage the neuron by participating in chemical reactions which produce large quantities of oxygen & peroxide radicals (specifically, through autoxidation and excessive enzymatic metabolism). These radicals are toxic to dopamine neurons.

To address your questions by bullet:
* Like I said before, no you haven't ruined your brain. Even if you had abused amphetamine for a decade or more, your brain is subject to neuroplasticity. In other words, it has the capacity to recover and further improve upon your neural pathways through stimuli which promote the growth of neurons.
* Methylphenidate is an alternative, though it's not a TAAR1 agonist like amphetamine. You might experience benefits with selegiline since it increases the level of neurotransmitters in your brain that do exactly the same thing as amphetamine. Selegiline is an MAO-B inhibitor antidepressant for atypical depression which is used off-label for ADHD. Just don't take phenethylamine supplements with it.
* No. Besides pharmacological intervention, aerobic exercise actually promotes growth in neuronal pathways that directly affect reward/pleasure sensation (the "Structural growth" subsection is primarily what I'm referring to). I'd suggest doing that on a regular basis.

I would suggest reading the following linked section of the wikipedia amphetamine article if you're curious as to exactly what amphetamine does inside the brain's pleasure center during chronic high-dose exposure. Those effects are reversible.

***I'm going to qualify this statement by saying that this is at least very likely true in doses that don't kill you. It would inevitably be neurotoxic at some exposure (all substances have a neurotoxic threshold), but my guess is this occurs at some multiple of the minimum lethal dose.
 
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joeguy12 said:
the thing is tho, my way out of this hell is achieving my dream of writing music as a pro, and its my one of few passions thats get to my heart/bring mes hope.
but now the adderall is fucking with my thoughts and focus to the point that i cant even sit and write anything because all i do is ruminate over a possible health hazard,
my potential destroyed mental health and my lonelyness stuck with my parents still.
Click to expand...

I believed it was the only way out too. I was in bad as you were, random bouts of crying .. struggling to get to that end of the tunnel where I thought I wouldn't need the drugs anymore. I was at the peak of an other worldly songwriting talent, I couldn't fail.

guess what? the opportunity presented itself to me, but I was too junked up to seize it. i haven't touched my piano in over 2 years, it's too painful. pm me if you want to talk.
 
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I also blew my brain on adderall..
adding meth to the equation years after I stopped adderall.
ouch my brain
...
very glad to know that the effects are reversible after time @seppi , makes these w/d days easier
 
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