I saw a question by this guy on the net somewhere. He gave very little information, merely said he was discontent & had no idea why. Could others on line offer insight or provide any possible solutions? There were 3 responses, I was #4. I laugh at myself often because others manage to make their answers 80-90% shorter than mine. Once I start writing, I have a thought process that goes into questions, theories, or perspectives gathered as a direct result of personal experience as filtered through my perceptions & influencing what the solutions/reasons may or may not be. In my case, even if I posess insight & self honesty in some instances, 98% of my shortcomings are applying lessons learned. On the other hand, I may be way off base. I'm interested to know other people's perspectives as to the guys question, which is:
Mr X: "I am very discontent with life & have no idea why. Can someone help me? Why do I feel this way?"
TJ: "The answer to your question requires self Q&A & evaluation which requires serious self honesty. Life is never perfect, & some people experience physical and/or emotional pain of endless varieties & intensities, ranging from the blatant obvious (for example a parent feels torn up seeing his/her child suffer horrible pain from some debilitating & fatal disease & there's not a damn thing he can do other than "be there" for his child.) There are also subtle types of unhappiness like a CEO that has annual 800,000 k income with all the trappings that go with it, respect, 5 Mercedes, 4 Corvettes. a Lexus that are all in tip top shape & of course a mansion in Bel Air, a yaght, a beach house in Malibu. He has $30,000 double breasted suites, a ranch with his own private race track where he & his high society friends can bet on horses just for fun. He knows
powerful & influencial people in all walks of life, has a trophy wife 15 yrs younger, kids with genius IQ's with more degrees/letters after their names than alphabet soup. He's not in show biz, but if one of his son's friends wants a part in a movie, he can call someone who knows the producer of the movie, & bingo the kid gets the part. It's the kind of life he has no business complaining or whining about. Yet, this dude for whatever reason is unhappy & realizes this one day, never knowing why. Sure, he's got a high maintainance career that probably demands 98% of his time, & if or when it doesn't, there's always some frivolous, mundane "responsibilities" that come up. Maybe his $100,000/yr mistress creates some sort of drama demanding he must get in his private jet at once & fly to
their getaway to one of his islands he owns, or maybe one of Tony Soprano's cousin's kids is on the lam from this psycho Ralph before Tony killed him for letting his horse Pieomy burn to death for Ralph'a act of arson for the insurance money. Although constantly busy, Mr. CEO doesn't know why he is unhappy & if he was honest with himself, he would know he really doesn't want to know because he's afraid a self examination would mean asking questions he doesn't want to ask, much less getting answers he may not like. From an objective stranger, acquaintaince, or even psychologist's point of view that observed & could read between the lines, perhaps he/she might point out to Mr. CEO that he has no real friends. They are all about ego, pride, greed, - shallow at best or simply associates, but no real emotional, mental, or spiritual depth. There's no meaningful connections with his barbie doll wife &
mistress, his kids don't really know him, & what if he lost his status, his career, & became penniless? Would even one out of all the family & "friends" or people he knows give a rat's ass? Would anyone stick by & offer support even if it's inconvenient or would his trophy women, kids, coworkers, & associates he always labeled as friends drop him like a bad habit & maybe even kick him to the curb showing cool indifference? He may never have to find out because some people are lucky enough not to have life sling mudslides & tornados that turn life upside down. If that's the case, then he either starts investigating himself by asking tough questions & risk the pain of unpleasant answers---or hide behind his house of cards insolated by denial that nothing is wrong. He lies to himself by discounting his troubled soul & telling himself that he will always have everything & that life will always be easy. If he applies self honesty--or not, initially, the source of discontent is usually not wanting to ask
uncomfortable questions, or an unwillingness to take appropriate action necessary to do something about the fact that he has superficial things the ego demands, but is spiritually starving, What feeds the spirit? Caring for & loving others, sharing pain to cut other's pain in half & karma is adjusted so others cut YOUR pain in half, but joy shared is joy multiplied. Mrs. CEO can tell Mr. CEO she loves him, but saying is one thing & SHOWING is another. His wife is dressed to the 9's & looks like she stepped out of Vogue magazine, is the "right" woman to have on his arm for the public show & to smile at his parties because that's whats expected & what she's paid for. It's the reason she has the right to drop a few grand for a pair of shoes at overpriced upper crust creme de la creme reserved for the privledged.
Is Mr. CEO willing to ask himself assorted questions as to the troubled state of discontent & willing to hear what he doesn't want to hear? Perhaps he is & perhaps he does realize he is shallow, his life he built is shallow, so he makes changes & all is well emotionally for a while. Then there's the 3rd kind of obstacle that prevents contenment as I see it, & that is being pissed off at others that are a pain in the ass (an ex wife or husband you're forced to deal with because the courts demand joint custody of the children 4 example) so you carry a spiteful hatred & dis the opposite sex being miserable--refusing to
accept the fact that like it or not, your ex is a fly in your ointment, remaining an angry, spiteful person, instead of accepting the fact that the ex is going to be a part of your life, make peace with it, then make peace with yourself by more constructive ways like going for a 3 mile jog to help burn off the physical effects of angry energy, then taking the pains of researching & finding proper counsel for legal matters--- & whatever positive means of emotional/spiritual support from family, God, nature, or weekly group nerd gatherings at coffee shops, music, comedians....ect.
Oh yeah books. Books can be very valuable when you have no clue wtf to do, so research may help point you in the right direction? Or you can fester. Although easier said than done, even when forced to accept & deal with crappy things life hands out, quality of life is better with acceptance (if it's out of your power to do anything it) but festering makes it worse. That's what I've observed about human nature anyway.
Mr X: "I am very discontent with life & have no idea why. Can someone help me? Why do I feel this way?"
TJ: "The answer to your question requires self Q&A & evaluation which requires serious self honesty. Life is never perfect, & some people experience physical and/or emotional pain of endless varieties & intensities, ranging from the blatant obvious (for example a parent feels torn up seeing his/her child suffer horrible pain from some debilitating & fatal disease & there's not a damn thing he can do other than "be there" for his child.) There are also subtle types of unhappiness like a CEO that has annual 800,000 k income with all the trappings that go with it, respect, 5 Mercedes, 4 Corvettes. a Lexus that are all in tip top shape & of course a mansion in Bel Air, a yaght, a beach house in Malibu. He has $30,000 double breasted suites, a ranch with his own private race track where he & his high society friends can bet on horses just for fun. He knows
powerful & influencial people in all walks of life, has a trophy wife 15 yrs younger, kids with genius IQ's with more degrees/letters after their names than alphabet soup. He's not in show biz, but if one of his son's friends wants a part in a movie, he can call someone who knows the producer of the movie, & bingo the kid gets the part. It's the kind of life he has no business complaining or whining about. Yet, this dude for whatever reason is unhappy & realizes this one day, never knowing why. Sure, he's got a high maintainance career that probably demands 98% of his time, & if or when it doesn't, there's always some frivolous, mundane "responsibilities" that come up. Maybe his $100,000/yr mistress creates some sort of drama demanding he must get in his private jet at once & fly to
their getaway to one of his islands he owns, or maybe one of Tony Soprano's cousin's kids is on the lam from this psycho Ralph before Tony killed him for letting his horse Pieomy burn to death for Ralph'a act of arson for the insurance money. Although constantly busy, Mr. CEO doesn't know why he is unhappy & if he was honest with himself, he would know he really doesn't want to know because he's afraid a self examination would mean asking questions he doesn't want to ask, much less getting answers he may not like. From an objective stranger, acquaintaince, or even psychologist's point of view that observed & could read between the lines, perhaps he/she might point out to Mr. CEO that he has no real friends. They are all about ego, pride, greed, - shallow at best or simply associates, but no real emotional, mental, or spiritual depth. There's no meaningful connections with his barbie doll wife &
mistress, his kids don't really know him, & what if he lost his status, his career, & became penniless? Would even one out of all the family & "friends" or people he knows give a rat's ass? Would anyone stick by & offer support even if it's inconvenient or would his trophy women, kids, coworkers, & associates he always labeled as friends drop him like a bad habit & maybe even kick him to the curb showing cool indifference? He may never have to find out because some people are lucky enough not to have life sling mudslides & tornados that turn life upside down. If that's the case, then he either starts investigating himself by asking tough questions & risk the pain of unpleasant answers---or hide behind his house of cards insolated by denial that nothing is wrong. He lies to himself by discounting his troubled soul & telling himself that he will always have everything & that life will always be easy. If he applies self honesty--or not, initially, the source of discontent is usually not wanting to ask
uncomfortable questions, or an unwillingness to take appropriate action necessary to do something about the fact that he has superficial things the ego demands, but is spiritually starving, What feeds the spirit? Caring for & loving others, sharing pain to cut other's pain in half & karma is adjusted so others cut YOUR pain in half, but joy shared is joy multiplied. Mrs. CEO can tell Mr. CEO she loves him, but saying is one thing & SHOWING is another. His wife is dressed to the 9's & looks like she stepped out of Vogue magazine, is the "right" woman to have on his arm for the public show & to smile at his parties because that's whats expected & what she's paid for. It's the reason she has the right to drop a few grand for a pair of shoes at overpriced upper crust creme de la creme reserved for the privledged.
Is Mr. CEO willing to ask himself assorted questions as to the troubled state of discontent & willing to hear what he doesn't want to hear? Perhaps he is & perhaps he does realize he is shallow, his life he built is shallow, so he makes changes & all is well emotionally for a while. Then there's the 3rd kind of obstacle that prevents contenment as I see it, & that is being pissed off at others that are a pain in the ass (an ex wife or husband you're forced to deal with because the courts demand joint custody of the children 4 example) so you carry a spiteful hatred & dis the opposite sex being miserable--refusing to
accept the fact that like it or not, your ex is a fly in your ointment, remaining an angry, spiteful person, instead of accepting the fact that the ex is going to be a part of your life, make peace with it, then make peace with yourself by more constructive ways like going for a 3 mile jog to help burn off the physical effects of angry energy, then taking the pains of researching & finding proper counsel for legal matters--- & whatever positive means of emotional/spiritual support from family, God, nature, or weekly group nerd gatherings at coffee shops, music, comedians....ect.
Oh yeah books. Books can be very valuable when you have no clue wtf to do, so research may help point you in the right direction? Or you can fester. Although easier said than done, even when forced to accept & deal with crappy things life hands out, quality of life is better with acceptance (if it's out of your power to do anything it) but festering makes it worse. That's what I've observed about human nature anyway.