What are we doing to ourselves, is it worth it? Your thoughts, please.

[Rotten]

Why do I/we keep doing this to ourselves. I just got thru reading a post from someone puking blood. This weekend, I've done enough to seriously still be hurting two days later. I can't even get anything off tabs anymore. I will wait two weeks, and still my tolerance is high.
This isn't what its supposed to be about. It started off as a bunch of friends getting together on weekends, and dropping together as a group. Now everyone is on such a different level. Its now a few people with drugs, finding some place to go, and do our drugs. There used to be about 30 of us, we would all drop at the same time, go to the same bar, and dance, hang out together. The numbers fell quickly. People getting busted. People paraniod that someone was a cop or a snitch. Then cola was brought into the group. Everyone started trying to make money off each other to pay for our habits. I looked like shit after a short period of time. I lost so much wieght. It was nothing to go thru a couple of 8s, and eat nothing but a tin of Altoids all weekend. I decided to take a break and slow down. As soon as I shut off the flow of drugs, my phone stopped ringing. People that I thought were my friends, that I saw everyday, were no longer around. That was a wake-up call for me. People that have known we for years, started wondering if I was a cop, if I turned them in. What the fuck?
My GF and I took some time off. We started looking better, and feeling better. We still do some damage, just not as often. I just wish it was like it used to be. In the beginning. Everyone is just on such a different level now. I miss how we all had the PLUR frame of mind.
I just needed to vent. I'm not sure if anyone will take any of this to heart, or even read this. I just wish I still had what I started with. I can wish in one hand, and shit in the other; and we all know which will fill up first. I just hope someone reading this that has not gotten to the level that I'm at, will think about it some.
I love PLUR. It just got away from that, and was about the drugs. How do I get it back to PLUR again? If anyone else is where I'm at or has been there, please give me your input. Now my life is really good. I just miss the old days. I'm not even sure I'm going to post this, I just needed to get it out. WTF, maybe someone will read this, and wonder if what they're doing is worth it either.
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You can't always get what you want...but if you try somtimes, you just might find, you'll get what you need

 

[Rotten]

I apoligise about my ramblings above, but I feel like a huge wieght has been lifted. Thank you for giving me your time.
PLUR
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You can't always get what you want...but if you try somtimes, you just might find, you'll get what you need
[This message has been edited by Rotten (edited 18 January 2000).]

 

[Skipp-E]

I totally understand your need to vent! It feels so good to get those things out!
Just remember that even as bad as things can look in your life, you have a whole lotta people on this board with nothin but mad PLUR for ya! Keep your chin up!

Really sorry to hear what you are going thru but at least you are lucky to have someone (girlfriend) to make it through with. Concentrate and build on your relationship with her. Nothing can beat the feeling you get knowing that somebody loves you with all their heart and you love them back just as much, not even a drug.
We're here for ya!

PeaceLoveUnityRespect
Skipp-E

 

[newgirl]

ok, i'm new to the board....so what is PLUR?

 

[X-RaverQueen]

I feel for you. I'm going through some of the same shit. It SUCKS!!

I found myself running straight towards a brick wall. I started to let drugs get me. I stopped having fun at parties because I was more preoccupied with getting fucked up than just enjoying myself. I'm fortunate though, I caught myself b4 I hit the wall. I'm taking a much needed break from drugs. They almost had me!

Its so easy to get wrapped up in believing that the only way you can have fun at a Rave/ Party/ Club is to be rolling or fucked up on something. It hard to say NO when you get there and you see all your friends rolling their asses off with these big goofy grins on their faces. You want so bad to feel like they do, to roll as hard as they are rolling. You'll do as much as it takes. So you take a roll telling yourself 'Maybe this one will be the King O'Rolls!' But its not and once again your running towards the wall.
Its called ADDICTION!!! Most of us here have it. E is a strange, you never feel like you have to have it, but damn it sure makes for some entertainment! Is that it? Are we just doing this because we're bored?
I'm sorry to hear that some of your friends have not stuck by you. Things like this do test friendships. May be some aren't as strong as others. Its taking all my strength to hang out with my E friends right, now. I love them, but fuck its hard.
Enough with my ramblings. Good luck with your break. If you ever need to talk to a sober friend email me.
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"Look at the world with open eyes and you will see the world. Look at the world through my eyes and you can only imagine."
X-RaverQueen

 

[XxBeccaRollrxX]

welcome newbie

PLUR =
(P)eace
(L)ove
(U)nity
(R)espect and (R)esponsibility
It's the whole foundation behind the scene - live it. learn it. love it.

 

[ManiE]

Rotten,
I understand what you mean, even if I am not where you are right now. The question is "do you want it back or are you happier now?". It's true that when we discover it, it is so magic, so different from what we used to know, the people are different, the vibe is different. Different and better.
I think moderation is key. Moderation in your drug use but moderation in your parties too because, even if it has not happened to me yet, I have the feeling that it can be too much and you don't control anything anymore and all you do and think about are parties.
Now, I can understand that you miss the way it was, when you just don't care about anything else, when you just have fun. But on the other side you realise that you can't live like this.
I don't think you'll get back what you had, but I think you can get something else. You can meet new friends, maybe different friends. If I were you, I would cool off on the drugs not for 15 days but at least a month to try and get the feeling back and start again. And I would try, next time, to party with Bluelighters because they rock .
Well it is just my feelings, but what do I know??
ManiE

 

[liquidocean]

Glad you did post, i did take it very much to heart.
Drugs are the spice of life, not the food. Also drugs alone will degrade people. There needs to be mental stimulation, soul motion, spiritual journeying, intuition, book reading, spaces and places to just be still and just talk.
Party smart. When we assume something is going to give us pleasure, we feel a placebo effect. Sometimes a rail or a bowl or a pill brings us down, but we associate it with bliss, so we do it.
Sometimes it makes us feel better to clean up, especially after a hard weekend, especially after a dramatic situation. Sometimes our souls are wearing thin and what we need the most is some sleep, some chillin away from party people, and a decent meal.
Spending time alone helps out, you escape the tendency for two or more people to do drugs together. It's very tempting.
Responding with "no thanks" helps out quite a bit. It's very empowering. You learn not to value this stuff so much.
Orange juice, fruit, herbs, vitamins, can really boost your depleted system and make you higher than your depleted friends.
Your mind on drugs is like taking a shit. After you take the shit, it's hard to shit again for a while. It may feel nice to shit, but you can't keep doing it. You can't spend all day in the bathroom, you have to go do the other things in your life, your body needs time to make new shit.

Hope there was some sense in this.

 

[bluglostix]

Personally, I'd say its not the E but the cola that fucked up your scene. The ups are hard to go on and off of, and the downs are just as bad, that's why I stick to e and 'cid, things that aren't physically addictive, I don't even smoke cigs. You have to give your body a break between parties, moderation is the key to partying and still holding on to your life, if you're doing it more than once or twice a month you're asking for trouble, body and mind just can't handle that much for that long. I know I wouldn't trade the friends I've made raving for anything in the world, but I can relate to the fact that some of your raver friends you just won't see when you're sober, some party kids are just party kids and don't know how to live any other way, you just have to find a good balance for yourself and be strong enough to stick to it.

 

[sketroller]

Liquidocean,excellent theory with the shit,that exactly our situation.

 

[conzy]

I can totally understand you. It's good that you posted that. My friends and I have been in a similar situation before. It started off as all of us going to a bar and dropping as a group... we were having a lot of fun... too much fun, to the point that we "abused" it and all of us lost weight, some didn't care about their studies anymore, some were ripping each other's friends off by selling the pills at a higher price and not the normal price, some were selfish with k... stuff like that. but it's all cool now. nowadays, my friends and i are "resting" coz a cousin of our friends came back from the states, we took her out and partied and after that, she told on us... she told her cousin's bro (who used to be in rehab before), their parents, etc. that sucked and ruined everyone's millennium and the weeks after that. my friends and i have been clean for about 3 weeks now, which is good... until the cousin leaves, woohoo and of course we'll party again. but we realized that it shouldn't be the way it used to be... almost every week and sometimes it'd be 3 times a week. i mean it's not healthy anymore.

 

[ErEctor]

i know what you all mean...i smoke pot every day, and while i can't nor want to stop that, i'm taking a break from e, but is it pathetic that my break is only going to be about a month, maybe 5 weeks. i've done it twice a month for the past few months, and its getting to me...making me want to just party and not study, etc...how in the hell do some of you bluelighters manage to do it week after week? i'm having to make my new drug schedule involve e only once a month, and it SUCKS! but, its what i think i have to do now that i'm a senior in college in need my brain cells BADLY. damn, i hate getting older...i just want to be a kid forever! does anybody feel me?
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**LIFE'S SHORT, CLENCH HARD!!**

 

[ezroller808]

ALL things are good in ****MODERATION**** !!!

 

[SuaveJnr]

NO!

 

[Jon]

.. I think its all pretty simple. I'll give you an answer - but first, you must answer me these questions three. (hehe I've been dying to say that here. one for the trainspotters. [nod])
1) Are you going to any forgo basic human needs (food, water, shelter, hygene etc etc..) to pay for your usage? Reasoning with yourself that you wouldn't need to have a place to live if you just went clubbing 7 nights a week, wouldn't eat because well.. you know. .. and I hear those toilets get cleaned at least once a week! Which is more often than what you would clean your own toilet if you had one anyway.
2) Are you willing to take the risk that you might ruin the rest of your life by taking drugs?. Either by -
A) Accidently poisoning yourself after you eagerly take notes on the "Drugs, whats really in them" news special on TV last week while thinking to yourself "Now I can take Pill's AND afford to buy water at raves!". "...Friends and family alike were puzzled at why the young man ingested a
B) On the off chance that you might become permanently 'associated with those naughty boys down the road' and spending the rest of your meagre existance wishing you hadn't agreed to deliver that big bag of pills ".. just this one time, man!.." to some big guy called Insano Davo" (thought at the time he was called this because he takes _2_ pills in a night, until you found out he really was *insane* when upon delivering the bag his colleague told you to "..let him sniff your hand for a bit before you pet him, and scratch him behind his ears, he likes that..") for a couple of freebies?
C) For doing the above and getting caught. (Duh).
3) Are you going to be violating anyones personal rights in any of the following situations - While being on drugs, because you took the drugs, or to get the drugs?
This includes lustfully mauling people because you thought they were someone else OR because you thought YOU were someone else OR because you never thought at all.
And .. invoking mass hysteria in anyone who knew of your sinful affliction and in turn partook in some kind of self flaggelent ritual to cleanse your soul. (And then asked you for a favor in return)
And .. after politely refusing to go anywhere near Davo, grab the bag of pills and run for the door slamming it behind you. After hearing a loud thud followed by a loud groan you pause just long to hear what sounds like a muffled growl and a high pitched scream...
Here ends the test! How did you score? I answered No to questions 1 thru to 12 and Yes to questions 5, 7 and 9!
Jon.

 

[WATERnOJ]

Nice posts...I think everyone goes through these times. I know I do. The one thing that helps me is my fiance' and you awsome bluelighters! Oh man everytime I feel down or feel like my life isnt inline I read peoples posts on here and it REALLY brings the good PLUR feeling back! ya know? Just because the beans arent doing what they use to doesnt mean you have "lost that lovin feeling" right? I feel it now just typing! As far as the friend thing I know what you feel exactly! I had some friends turn to other drugs and I feel like I've lost them as friends. But you have to realize that it is their choice not yours! Just you posting something on here shows that your a wonderful person that cares about your friends. It's THEM that has lost the PLUR...Not you. KEEP THE PLUR! but spend some quality time with your g/f cause it seems like no matter what happens she will be there for U. Damn! see now I feel all better too!! it's what it's all about..........
Big huge PLUR to everyone!
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rEspEct it dont abusE it.pEacE and lovE to all!

 

[Thestepper69]

Hey Rotten, hows it going. I hate to hear you or anyone else talk like that. I know where ur comin from man. I was there too. I used to get jars of pills fronted to me, at the worst time too, when I had no will power. My roomate, another friend and I would eat pills every nite, 7 days a week. For like a month. It was really fukn bad. I am glad it wasnt with my really good friends tho, thats why your story hurts me like it does. It sounds like you werent very choosy w/ your friends or like everyone else says it was all the drugs that f'ed it up. I dunno, I am glad ur better now tho.
I would suggest goin out with your girlie and, if you dont already know how, learn how to dance really good. I mean, really try and impress YOURSELF, not ne one else. Get your own style down and just go out there and tear it up!!! It may sound a little weak right now as youre reading this, if your reading this. But, trust me man, the experience of going to the club or rave and just gettin down is sooooo spiritual, and an added bonus, its really rewarding. If you know how to dance good, and you do shit that a lot of people cant do, your gonna have more friends than you can shake a stick at. You dont even need E after you get to a certain point, all you need is DANCE. Dance is by far my fav drug. And once you've figured out, and gotten a style down pat, keep going cuz its just like energy, it'll never cease to exist. But, you have got to LOVE it, LOVE it like nothing you have ever loved b4, and have patience w/ it. Go out there and just start off simple and then go from there. Always strive for perfection, and you will find the bounty of happiness, spirituality, and total bliss that dancing can be. I, like most people, had to endure the idiot stages where you get a lot of wierd looks and ridicule and cynical laughter, but that didnt stop me one bit. I kept right on dancin like the idiot that I am, a good, happy, funny, loving, and caring idiot I might add....

. Because I truly loved it and I loved the way it made me feel, and I will until I the day I die.
You dont want those old days back, DO YOU?!?! Its time for a NEW DAY, A NEW DAWN, ITS TIME FOR DANCE!!!!!!

I want you to go out next weekend, with your girlie, and go to your fav rave or club and I want you to dance your friggin ass off!!!! IT DONT MATTER HOW YOU DANCE, JUST DO IT(ugh, nike motto

LOL)!!! Dont pay any attention to anyone else but you and your girlie, nevermind that person pointing at you. I am not gonna sit here and feel sorry for you(I dont think thats what you want anyway, its just I have always wanted to say that..LOL..

)!! I know you have the WILL and LOVE to go out there and do it man. So FUCK everyone else, except your girlie, and FUCKIN TEAR THE MUTHAFUKN ROOF OFF

. ****You can do it Rotten, you have the FORCE! The force is very strong, never to be underestimated. You have the FORCE!**** LOL
later
plur
steve
PS-seriously Rotten, I am NOT joking. Dance can save you from dispair. It WILL make you happier. You just have to LOVE it!
[This message has been edited by Thestepper69 (edited 19 January 2000).]

 

[High-Roller]

Nice post WaternOJ...very well said. I too can sometimes get an ever so slight roll from this group or listening to good music and really concentrating on it.
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High-Roller
ICQ-60340666
My God, how is it possible to feel this good?

 

[Jon]

Blergh. I just re-read my post and realised that it seems to be, innocently of course, directed at Rotten.
It wasn't intended to be like that.. Just a completely impersonal 'survey' that happens to come across a bit dark.
Unless you have my sense of humor of course.

Jon.

 

[Rotten]

Wow, when I was writing this post, I didn't even think I would get this kind of response. Its seems like we all have been there in one way or another. Some of your posts made me think "They're right. Absolutely right." Some, I just laughed my ass off, it totally brightened my day. Then there is Jon. Jon, I think you would be a very interesting person to sit down and have one of those long after one too many bowls conversation.
Things ARE alot better now, then they were this summer. I think we all(my friends) got wrapped up in it way too much. All of you hit it perfectly what I was saying. I still talk to those people. I was really popular since I "catered" the afterbar Saturday night. I talked to everyone, but kept it real in my own head. I knew who was hanging around because of me, and who wanted a turn at the mirror. I think my best friend (OK, my second best friend, since my GF is my best friend) got a little closer that night. He agrees it gotten out of hand. Some of our friends look the way I did this summer.

I'm usually about 190 lbs., and I got down to 150. I don't even like cola anymore. I gave out two or three turns to my one. Its just lost its appeal. I'm taking a break from everything for a while. It might be a long while. My body, mind, and soul needs the rest. I'm taking everyones post to heart.
Skipp-E - Your right, I need to work on my relationship with my GF. She has ALWAYS been ther for me. She might be a spoiled brat(thats my fault), but she's always by my side.
X-RaverQueen - It is hard being the sober one. But sometimes thats good. I'm glad you stopped when you could.
RoLLerGirL - Thanks for spreading the PLUR. We need to spread that to all the newbies.
ManiE - Moderation is totally the key. It seems to me that you know alot.
liquidocean - I really like the whole "mind on drugs is like taking a shit" If you dont care, I'd like to use that. That was about the best anology I've heard.
bluglostix - You totally hit it right on. It was the cola that ruined the group. We were so tight when it was just E. Your right, some people are your friends, and some are your party friends.
conzy - Your story was parallel to mine. When you said "It started off as all of us going to a bar and dropping as a group... we were having a lot of fun... too much fun, to the point that we "abused" it and all of us lost weight, some didn't care about their studies anymore, some were ripping each other's friends off by selling the pills at a higher price and not the normal price, some were selfish with k...", I swear I thought you were someone I knew. I asked a ffriend if he was on the board. I'm sorry that your millenium was ruined, but maybe it was a blessing in disguise.
ErEctor - I don't know how you can smoke pot everyday, and be a senior in college. If I smoke, all I want to do is watch movies and eat frozen pizzas. How do you do it? I feel you with your age thing, I'm almost 29. I want to be a ToysRUs kid forever.
ezroller808 - Once again some really good advice - MODERATION
WATERnOJ - I love your name. Your right about the bluelighter. Thats what I think its for. Everyone is so positive, and is there when you need them. I will keep the PLUR. I think I'll give my friends a kick in the ass and put some PLUR back into them. Now only if there was a PLUR pill...
Thestepper69 - Welcome back buddy. You crack me up. Dance, that seems like the key doesnt it. Just dance. SOmetime the best ideas are the simple ones.
High-Roller - Just keep around here. There are alot of really great people here. I would love to get ALL of the bluelighters together for one weekend. That would be something amazing.
Jon - I love your post, even tho I'm not sure I totally understand it. Your the guy in every group that has a story to keep everyone entertained all night. Am I right?
A big THANK YOU to everyone who responded. If I can be there for you, let me know. I'll be on a plane the same day. You are all exellent examples of PLUR, and what it truely means.
Thank You again!
Stacy