My parents' oldest of two daughters. I'm lucky my parents are still alive.
My sister's only sister. We are opposites.
My husband's second wife. We've been married 33 years.
My four children's mother. They are better adults than me.
I am 53. The last three years have been strange times and I have felt unfamiliar and at odds with my mind and my body. I have not had any dramatic crisis that I had to deal with nor have I suffered any major illness.
My husband is 64 and since his knee surgeries three years ago he has been unable to enjoy sex. He was an incredible lover once. There was no one else I wanted to lay with after the first time I laid with him. That was in 1978.
For the last three years he's suffered with constant pain, and added high blood pressure, diabetes, thyroid problems and obesity to his other health issues.
At the same time my husband's health started to decline, I entered menopause, blind and unaware. I read about it but never having experienced it, I didn't know what to expect. The Change of Life sounds fairly drastic. It is different for every woman but for some of us, it is a change unlike anything we have ever known. I realize now that calling it "the change" is putting it mildly.
The biggest change of life and one I did not read very much about in my menopause material was my desire for orgasms. My husband couldn't help and masturbating wasn't satisfying enough. I wanted sex so intensely that I felt strange inside my own skin. I had to handle it though. I had to have sexual intercourse.
Finding willing sexual partners was surprisingly easy. I met some amazing men and I had some great sex over the last few years. I told possible fuckbuddies that I was married, and I loved my husband, but he was disabled and unable. I never had any issue with love. I haven't loved any of my bodybuddies. I have appreciated the orgasms, to be sure. But my vagina isn't connected to my heart.
I am married to a good man. Thirty three years is a long time, longer than most of the Bluelight members have been alive. When our various health issues first manifested, we tried to keep having sex. He got Viagra and we kept trying. He was not enjoying it at all. He became extremely depressed, as anyone would under those circumstances. He couldn't make the beast with two backs anymore and THAT along with his other physical problems took his libido away from him completely.
He is retired, and disabled, and does not have any friends except for me and our kids. I don't think he wants friends actually. He does not like people in general, maybe that's why.
I am not retired, nor disabled, and have a lot of friends. I go visit people but people don't come visit me because my husband doesn't like to have company.
That worked out really well when I wanted sex because there was nothing out of the ordinary for me to tell my husband I was going to see Ann, Diane, Laura, Debbie, Sue, or whomever. I would go see a man instead, get what I needed, clean up quick, and go home. My friends don't come over and they don't call so I never got caught in a lie.
Some guys I had sex with only once, because if it didn't go well, I didn't ask for more.
Some guys I had sex with many times...surrendering to a man that had already proven his knowledge and skill was thrilling.
My body did not feel familiar to me anymore. Menopausal hormone swings changed my body chemistry and my brain functions. In my mind, I became a giant pink clitoris that could grab a man's dick and run off with it before the man knew what hit him.
If I had two or three hours of rigorous activity that included me cumming multiple times, my body was intensely satisfied. My mind was satisfied too because I felt I had accomplished something important. I was elated for hours after I was properly fucked.
I'm not ugly. Ugly is my name online but I'm not too bad-looking in person. When I felt attracted to a guy, I told him straight, and if he was attracted to me too, I would have him as soon as possible. I can't count the number of fucks I had in my car, but those were some hot, erotic, insane climaxes. My car isn't big, but if I pushed both front seats all the way forward and leaned those seatbacks forward, that made the back seat roomy enough to maneuver in a lot of ways. I ended up with footprints on the headliner more than once but I dustbustered them off each time.
Sometimes the man had his own place, and that was fantastic for me. Whenever I was free, I could call him and ask for some dick, and if he was free, I went over and got sexed up. I guess I had more sex in the last two or three years than I ever dreamed of having when I was a teenager.
I didn't want sex as much when I was a teenager... I wanted it, but not with the fierce cravings I have experienced the last couple of years. I didn't even know lechery was possible for a woman.
I didn't know or enjoy a lot when I was a teenager. I never thought about the male form when I was a kid, that's for sure.
Maybe that is why, when my hormones clicked into insanity overdrive, I discovered the beauty of a young man's body. After seeing an older man's body for a long, long time, all of a sudden I was seeing through new eyes. Looking at a nude twenty-four-year-old man's body...like candy for my eyes. I can't find the words to express the arousal I felt, the first time, and every time.
As a woman half a century old, I am fortunate that my looks have stayed such that I was allowed, invited, to ogle twenty-four-year-old flesh. What a piece of work is a man!! Smooth tight flesh that looked like marble and tasted like cookies. in form and moving how express and admirable... as he walked confidently across the room to the bed where I lay quiet and awestruck, admiring his form, and the moving of the form...in action how like an angel... he positioned himself above me. I was profoundly alive.
I was satisfied during those times and I also learned everything during those times. I discovered much about life that had not fully caught my attention. Now, Michelangelo's Statue of David is full of wondrous beauty for me. Now, I appreciate my vision. Now, I know how much ecstasy I can enjoy. (Not E pills. Actual ecstasy-the feeling of great joy, extreme pleasure.) Now my eyes are open, my body is awake, my mind is alert.
Now, menopause is almost part of my past. With it into my past go the men and the sex. My outrageous behavior has gone into the past. I do not hunger for sexual pleasure anymore. My needs are plebeian and easily dispatched. I have had odd thoughts that I shouldn't have thought, and I have experienced full pleasure which I should not have experienced. But I don't feel the guilt I should feel. My emotions now are mainly gratitude and appreciation.
So what am I now? A SLUT.
I know that people reading this may say so.
I am done fucking because whatever took me there brought me back. I'm not sorry it happened and I'm not sorry it is over.
I'm looking across the family room at my husband, asleep on the couch, and I am thankful for him just the way he is. I'm watching the fish in the aquarium, appreciating their quiet calm. I am not hungry or thirsty. I am without needs.
So I am asking no one, because no one knows.
What am I now?
My sister's only sister. We are opposites.
My husband's second wife. We've been married 33 years.
My four children's mother. They are better adults than me.
I am 53. The last three years have been strange times and I have felt unfamiliar and at odds with my mind and my body. I have not had any dramatic crisis that I had to deal with nor have I suffered any major illness.
My husband is 64 and since his knee surgeries three years ago he has been unable to enjoy sex. He was an incredible lover once. There was no one else I wanted to lay with after the first time I laid with him. That was in 1978.
For the last three years he's suffered with constant pain, and added high blood pressure, diabetes, thyroid problems and obesity to his other health issues.
At the same time my husband's health started to decline, I entered menopause, blind and unaware. I read about it but never having experienced it, I didn't know what to expect. The Change of Life sounds fairly drastic. It is different for every woman but for some of us, it is a change unlike anything we have ever known. I realize now that calling it "the change" is putting it mildly.
The biggest change of life and one I did not read very much about in my menopause material was my desire for orgasms. My husband couldn't help and masturbating wasn't satisfying enough. I wanted sex so intensely that I felt strange inside my own skin. I had to handle it though. I had to have sexual intercourse.
Finding willing sexual partners was surprisingly easy. I met some amazing men and I had some great sex over the last few years. I told possible fuckbuddies that I was married, and I loved my husband, but he was disabled and unable. I never had any issue with love. I haven't loved any of my bodybuddies. I have appreciated the orgasms, to be sure. But my vagina isn't connected to my heart.
I am married to a good man. Thirty three years is a long time, longer than most of the Bluelight members have been alive. When our various health issues first manifested, we tried to keep having sex. He got Viagra and we kept trying. He was not enjoying it at all. He became extremely depressed, as anyone would under those circumstances. He couldn't make the beast with two backs anymore and THAT along with his other physical problems took his libido away from him completely.
He is retired, and disabled, and does not have any friends except for me and our kids. I don't think he wants friends actually. He does not like people in general, maybe that's why.
I am not retired, nor disabled, and have a lot of friends. I go visit people but people don't come visit me because my husband doesn't like to have company.
That worked out really well when I wanted sex because there was nothing out of the ordinary for me to tell my husband I was going to see Ann, Diane, Laura, Debbie, Sue, or whomever. I would go see a man instead, get what I needed, clean up quick, and go home. My friends don't come over and they don't call so I never got caught in a lie.
Some guys I had sex with only once, because if it didn't go well, I didn't ask for more.
Some guys I had sex with many times...surrendering to a man that had already proven his knowledge and skill was thrilling.
My body did not feel familiar to me anymore. Menopausal hormone swings changed my body chemistry and my brain functions. In my mind, I became a giant pink clitoris that could grab a man's dick and run off with it before the man knew what hit him.
If I had two or three hours of rigorous activity that included me cumming multiple times, my body was intensely satisfied. My mind was satisfied too because I felt I had accomplished something important. I was elated for hours after I was properly fucked.
I'm not ugly. Ugly is my name online but I'm not too bad-looking in person. When I felt attracted to a guy, I told him straight, and if he was attracted to me too, I would have him as soon as possible. I can't count the number of fucks I had in my car, but those were some hot, erotic, insane climaxes. My car isn't big, but if I pushed both front seats all the way forward and leaned those seatbacks forward, that made the back seat roomy enough to maneuver in a lot of ways. I ended up with footprints on the headliner more than once but I dustbustered them off each time.
Sometimes the man had his own place, and that was fantastic for me. Whenever I was free, I could call him and ask for some dick, and if he was free, I went over and got sexed up. I guess I had more sex in the last two or three years than I ever dreamed of having when I was a teenager.
I didn't want sex as much when I was a teenager... I wanted it, but not with the fierce cravings I have experienced the last couple of years. I didn't even know lechery was possible for a woman.
I didn't know or enjoy a lot when I was a teenager. I never thought about the male form when I was a kid, that's for sure.
Maybe that is why, when my hormones clicked into insanity overdrive, I discovered the beauty of a young man's body. After seeing an older man's body for a long, long time, all of a sudden I was seeing through new eyes. Looking at a nude twenty-four-year-old man's body...like candy for my eyes. I can't find the words to express the arousal I felt, the first time, and every time.
As a woman half a century old, I am fortunate that my looks have stayed such that I was allowed, invited, to ogle twenty-four-year-old flesh. What a piece of work is a man!! Smooth tight flesh that looked like marble and tasted like cookies. in form and moving how express and admirable... as he walked confidently across the room to the bed where I lay quiet and awestruck, admiring his form, and the moving of the form...in action how like an angel... he positioned himself above me. I was profoundly alive.
I was satisfied during those times and I also learned everything during those times. I discovered much about life that had not fully caught my attention. Now, Michelangelo's Statue of David is full of wondrous beauty for me. Now, I appreciate my vision. Now, I know how much ecstasy I can enjoy. (Not E pills. Actual ecstasy-the feeling of great joy, extreme pleasure.) Now my eyes are open, my body is awake, my mind is alert.
Now, menopause is almost part of my past. With it into my past go the men and the sex. My outrageous behavior has gone into the past. I do not hunger for sexual pleasure anymore. My needs are plebeian and easily dispatched. I have had odd thoughts that I shouldn't have thought, and I have experienced full pleasure which I should not have experienced. But I don't feel the guilt I should feel. My emotions now are mainly gratitude and appreciation.
So what am I now? A SLUT.
I know that people reading this may say so.
I am done fucking because whatever took me there brought me back. I'm not sorry it happened and I'm not sorry it is over.
I'm looking across the family room at my husband, asleep on the couch, and I am thankful for him just the way he is. I'm watching the fish in the aquarium, appreciating their quiet calm. I am not hungry or thirsty. I am without needs.
So I am asking no one, because no one knows.
What am I now?