What am I Becoming

An alcoholic.

I drink like a fish. I quit using other drugs, and it's been about a month now. I can't seem to get through a full day without something - anything. When I don't have booze I CWE codeine. Even when I have booze I pop codeine - it's just routine. I've taken some steps to fix myself, but at the same time I seem to be falling into a deeper hole of alcoholism. Why do I drink? Other than not to be sober, I don't know really. Is my life really that bad that I have to resort to this kind of shit?

It's not.

Am I broken? Possibly.
Am I damaged? Maybe.

Healing takes time, and unfortunately I don't really have the time I need.

I wish I could just forget everything. All the pain, all the trouble, all the guilt that eats away at me everyday for the fucked up choices I've made in my life.

I drink, and drink, and drink.

I don't get sloshed or hammered. Just tipsy. But still, I drink.

Maybe I need a relationship. But as my history goes, I fuck that up time and time again.

People look at me and have no idea what I really am. That includes friends and family.

This is more than a double life, and there's more to it than my drinking problem.

What to do, when you live in a shoe.

Damaged, broken, tainted, and corrupted.
- the story of my life.

Rippin' through like a missle...
Rippin' through my heart..
Rob me of...this liiife..
Raise your weapon..

 

Time is the only thing that a man has that once lost can never be regained. Come to this realization, stop sulking, and figure out how to make do with the time you still have. If something can never be regained then there is little point to fret over it. Good luck.