Well I'm an idiot...

Took my last line of Opana about an hour and a half ago, just in time to make it to court. My eviction case is finally over. But I feel nothing about it, really, other than relieved I don't need to go back to Housing Court...

I'm just waiting for w/d's to set in... Unless I can get a couple of bags of H to tide me over, but I am not sure how that is going to work out,

Waiting on texts and whatnot...

I also wanted to try an NA meeting but the only Open/Beginner is today at 6 and I will be sick by then... I guess I can wait this week of sickness out. I should have tapered but here I am in this position once again. I sold all my shit that would get me actual MONEY... Now I just want to cry.

I Guess I will take some Flexeril soon to pass out... and forget about my stupid life. Just for a little while. I won't be able to sleep soon... Nose is running and I'm nauseous.

Like a giant baby.

 

You should get some loperamide man if you hit up a costco or other bulk store you can find it really cheap.

 

Its hard to taper when its a choice between that and just getting high!

 

why limit yourself to strictly Open/Beginner meetings?

I'm sure you could find a meeting 24/7 in NYC. Try the Meeting Locator

 

@crimson lope scares me for some reason .... i feel like i will never get unconstipated even though that's completely irrational. i do have a box of it though but like with 12 tabs or something useless like that

@madog I wholeheartedly agree!! I bought Heroin to taper with but now I've already snorted a little over 1 of the 2 bags I bought! I feel like I'm gonna feel like shit soon anyway so why not enjoy myself while I can???

@OverDone I thought you were supposed to start at beginner's meetings... there are so many weird letters next to each meeting to tell you what it's like, etc, that it's hard to keep up .. very confusing. plus, I have extreme social anxiety so I fear coming into a new group that's been together for a long time... plus I will probably be high the first time I go and I don't want that to be too big of a deal... I've seen that, counting both NA and AA, you could probably go to a meeting morning, noon, and night every day for a week and not hit the same meeting twice in NYC... but I'm sort of particular about the neighborhoods in which the meetings are held, I suppose? these probably all sound like excuses, which they probably are, but thanks for the suggestion

 

Most folks don't even remember what was said at their first meetings but they remember the feelings. I was confused, hostile, resentful and fearful. Everyone seemed to know each other and most seemed to be generally happy. It was natural to feel like I didn't fit in because it was a completely new experience surrounded by people who I didn't know. At first I was like "why the FUCK are you guys smiling? I'm hurting over here".

Nothing stays new so I kept going to the same meetings daily and regularly. By doing this, I got to know folks and they got to know me. Eventually, I turned into one of those generally happy people and feel comfortable at any meeting regardless of newness. It took some time, though but it was well worth it.

I got clean in NA back in Philly and the NYC meetings are very similar in their formats. Regarding your social anxiety, what worked for me was to get to the meeting early. I figured I had two options, I could sit in the back of the room or sit up front. I choose to sit up front (the very first row) because this way I couldn't see people looking at me because they were behind me. I knew that if I sat in the back I would be distracted from watching people, staring at girls, listening to side conversations, etc.

People go to meetings high quite often. Its all part of the thing we do. We go there for help because we don't know how to stop on our own. The only requirement is a desire to stop using. That being said, its recommended that we reach out for help and suggestions on how to not use from those who are just like us and who have learned how to not use by changing those ideas, attitudes and behaviors that were influential to our using.

Don't worry about the letters after the particular meeting you are looking at. They only one I would be mindful of only applies if you are not bilingual. The 'S' means it is a Spanish speaking meeting. All others are just notes that a particular group shares to let people what topic is being discussed or if there are special needs that are or are not addressed.

Below is a quick cheat sheet from Mile High Area (your areas legend may vary) :

BEG = Beginners meeting
C = Closed meeting (addicts only)
CC = Child care is provided
D = Discussion meeting
LS = Literature study meeting
NHB = No handicap bathroom available
O = Open meeting for addicts and anyone looking for information
S = Spanish speaking
SP = Speaker meeting (an addict shares their experience and folks discuss after)
SPPR = Spiritual principals (talk of honesty, open-mindedness, willingness, acceptance, courage, tolerance, empathy, hope, trust, etc)
ST = Step study meeting (focuses on different ways of working the Steps)
TR = Tradition meeting (focuses on the structure of NA as a whole)
TS = Text study (reading from NA's 'Basic Text' or 'It Works How and Why'
WA = Wheelchair accessible
Y = Young people's meeting