I was doing so well too. I was almost completely sober for the last 6 months. I did use weed and drink occasionaly, but I was still in that sober state of mind.
I was all set to start a couple courses at a community college in MA, moved out here recently to live with my grandparents, who up until now have been 100% supportive and understanding, and basically still are, just things have changed. This is going to be a long post by the way. I just wanted to be able to put down what happened.
So, as I said, I was doing great. Living out here in RI with my grandparents. Excercising every day. Even eating healthy. No drugs, which was good because I've been an addict for about 5 years now,mostly opiates, but generally whatever I could get my hands on. Don't know when I started spiralling downward, but I do know where I'm at now.
Everything was perfect untill...I dont know...maybe 2 months ago. That's when I started buying various things off the internet. Started slow, got some K2 incense, that went well so I kinda went balls out. Got K2, kratom, kava, HB woodrose seeds, and then I think the real catalyst for all the shit that happened recently, Poppy pods. You might remember my posts about how I was using them to keep myself from using heroin. Bullshit.
So I get myself addicted to these pods, of coarse, because even though i pretend to, I have absolutely no controll over my drug intake frequency if it's something that I like. So things were going pretty shitty, I just didnt really realize/acknowledge that the shit was about to hit the fan.
So here's where it all happened. Here's where I fucked up royally....Phenazepam. After researching it for hours and hours and swearing to myself that I would not overdose enough to black out no matter what, I did exactly that like the fucking idiot that I am. Here's what happened in the last 2 weeks or so that brought me to where I am now.
Left RI with my grandparents to visit my mom,dad, and 2 brothers. My siblings,dad, and myself were all planning on going camping that weekend(the morning after I would arrive in NY). Didn't bring any poppies with me cause I had just ran out. Instead I brought kratom and phenazepam. I wasn't planning on bringing the Phen. but it arrived in the mail litterally 5 minutes before we left Rhode Island for NY.
So we drive there, 4 hour car ride, no problem. My grandparents drop me off at my parents house at about 7 PM. I was waiting for my older bro to get out of work at 10:30 so we could have a beer or 2 and just chill. Heres where everything fucked up. I decided to try the phenazepam. Didn't have a scale, didn't have a way to dilute it, so I eyeballed it.
Yes, after reading literally probably 100 times beforehand not to eyeball phenazepam, thats exactly what I did. I was responsible at first doing about the tiniest amount i possibly could without using a magnifying glass. Waited 1 hour, didn't feel a thing so I did a little more. Brother got home from work, still wasn't feeling anything so I took about the size of 2 matchheads. Smoked a bowl with my bro, went to walmart for more camping supplies.
Now I was feeling something. Nothing crazy, but I did feel good, kinda like I had taken maybe 2mg Klonopin. Got a 12 pack at walmart and went home. Remember drinking about 2 beers after snorting a matchhead more of the Phen with my bro. After that, I have absolutely no recollection of what happened the next day. According to my parents, I refused to go camping with them and started screaming at them that I "fucking hate your guts you pieces of worthless fucking shit. you couldn't pay me to camp with you, you fucking cunts." Don't remember any of that at all, or anything about that day.
The rest of the week is kind of in blotches. I remember bits and pieces of what me and my brother did. Here are the things I distinctly remember doing. Me and my bro drove to a buddies house and we each bought 10 30mg Roxi's. Snorted them all day, then bought an 8 ball of coke that night. By morning there was nothing left, and my memory begins with me and my bro and our buddy J cruising down the road. Apparently we had stayed at my good friend L's house the night before. My memory is still fucked. Next thing I remember is being in the pawn shop with my bro seeing if he wanted to buy any of the coins we had "found". We really didn't know where these coins had come from, they were sitting in my bro's van so we figured what the hell might as well see if they are worth anything.
Turns out they were my friend L's fathers coins. About half of his collection. We didn't know this untill a few days later. Anyway, the guy offers us $2000 for what we had brought him. "uhh.....yeah" was all we could manage. I mean seriously, 2 grand for nothing? So we take our $2000 and go buy some shit. We bought 7 grams of coke, a brick of heroin, and three OC 60's each to start. Smoked the coke, snorted the dope, shot up the OC's. Next thing I remember is being home in bed with all my shit thrown everywhere.
Apparently, somehow, I had been picked up by the cops stumbling down the road at 4 AM with one shoe and burn marks all over me(from nodding out smoking cigarettes). Don't know where I was walking from, but someone told me I was walking from a party in xxxxville back to my house in xxxxx falls. Thats about 20 miles. Not sure how far I made it, but judging by the blisters all over my foot and other things, I figure I made it at least 10 miles.
Next thing I remember is me and my bro and my friend P getting another 8ball and a couple more 60's. the three of us went through the ball that night, me and P snorting, my bro mostly snorting but shooting some of it. Once that was gone, I shot a whole 60. Oh my fucking lord i think thats the best feeling I've ever had not sure why, shot dope plenty of times before, but this was just pure bliss.
And then the money was gone. The 2 grand we had was spent somehow, and my bank account was overdrawn $300. No drugs left, No money left, and it was about 3 days after my first college class had started in RI, and I was still in NY.
Anyway, I soon found a way to get myself back to RI. Here's a couple of things that happened that I didn't know about a couple consequences of that crazy week on phenazepam.
I spent my entire savings plus $300 more than I had on drugs, even though me and my bro both had $2000 to play with.
I somehow burned my forehead really badly. No idea how.
My brother caused an accident by driving down the middle of the road. He was arrested for DUI and leaving the scene of an accident and driving while having his liscense suspended.
<Snip>
Missed my classes for college, and had to withdraw from them.
Got kicked out of my parents house for the rest of my life.
My grandparents just told me I could stay with them for about 3 more weeks, and then I have to leave.
Well, I've vented enough for tonight, still alot more to tell, but I think I'll wait untill tomorrow to post more. Peace guys.
by the way, don't eyeball phenazepam no matter what.
I was all set to start a couple courses at a community college in MA, moved out here recently to live with my grandparents, who up until now have been 100% supportive and understanding, and basically still are, just things have changed. This is going to be a long post by the way. I just wanted to be able to put down what happened.
So, as I said, I was doing great. Living out here in RI with my grandparents. Excercising every day. Even eating healthy. No drugs, which was good because I've been an addict for about 5 years now,mostly opiates, but generally whatever I could get my hands on. Don't know when I started spiralling downward, but I do know where I'm at now.
Everything was perfect untill...I dont know...maybe 2 months ago. That's when I started buying various things off the internet. Started slow, got some K2 incense, that went well so I kinda went balls out. Got K2, kratom, kava, HB woodrose seeds, and then I think the real catalyst for all the shit that happened recently, Poppy pods. You might remember my posts about how I was using them to keep myself from using heroin. Bullshit.
So I get myself addicted to these pods, of coarse, because even though i pretend to, I have absolutely no controll over my drug intake frequency if it's something that I like. So things were going pretty shitty, I just didnt really realize/acknowledge that the shit was about to hit the fan.
So here's where it all happened. Here's where I fucked up royally....Phenazepam. After researching it for hours and hours and swearing to myself that I would not overdose enough to black out no matter what, I did exactly that like the fucking idiot that I am. Here's what happened in the last 2 weeks or so that brought me to where I am now.
Left RI with my grandparents to visit my mom,dad, and 2 brothers. My siblings,dad, and myself were all planning on going camping that weekend(the morning after I would arrive in NY). Didn't bring any poppies with me cause I had just ran out. Instead I brought kratom and phenazepam. I wasn't planning on bringing the Phen. but it arrived in the mail litterally 5 minutes before we left Rhode Island for NY.
So we drive there, 4 hour car ride, no problem. My grandparents drop me off at my parents house at about 7 PM. I was waiting for my older bro to get out of work at 10:30 so we could have a beer or 2 and just chill. Heres where everything fucked up. I decided to try the phenazepam. Didn't have a scale, didn't have a way to dilute it, so I eyeballed it.
Yes, after reading literally probably 100 times beforehand not to eyeball phenazepam, thats exactly what I did. I was responsible at first doing about the tiniest amount i possibly could without using a magnifying glass. Waited 1 hour, didn't feel a thing so I did a little more. Brother got home from work, still wasn't feeling anything so I took about the size of 2 matchheads. Smoked a bowl with my bro, went to walmart for more camping supplies.
Now I was feeling something. Nothing crazy, but I did feel good, kinda like I had taken maybe 2mg Klonopin. Got a 12 pack at walmart and went home. Remember drinking about 2 beers after snorting a matchhead more of the Phen with my bro. After that, I have absolutely no recollection of what happened the next day. According to my parents, I refused to go camping with them and started screaming at them that I "fucking hate your guts you pieces of worthless fucking shit. you couldn't pay me to camp with you, you fucking cunts." Don't remember any of that at all, or anything about that day.
The rest of the week is kind of in blotches. I remember bits and pieces of what me and my brother did. Here are the things I distinctly remember doing. Me and my bro drove to a buddies house and we each bought 10 30mg Roxi's. Snorted them all day, then bought an 8 ball of coke that night. By morning there was nothing left, and my memory begins with me and my bro and our buddy J cruising down the road. Apparently we had stayed at my good friend L's house the night before. My memory is still fucked. Next thing I remember is being in the pawn shop with my bro seeing if he wanted to buy any of the coins we had "found". We really didn't know where these coins had come from, they were sitting in my bro's van so we figured what the hell might as well see if they are worth anything.
Turns out they were my friend L's fathers coins. About half of his collection. We didn't know this untill a few days later. Anyway, the guy offers us $2000 for what we had brought him. "uhh.....yeah" was all we could manage. I mean seriously, 2 grand for nothing? So we take our $2000 and go buy some shit. We bought 7 grams of coke, a brick of heroin, and three OC 60's each to start. Smoked the coke, snorted the dope, shot up the OC's. Next thing I remember is being home in bed with all my shit thrown everywhere.
Apparently, somehow, I had been picked up by the cops stumbling down the road at 4 AM with one shoe and burn marks all over me(from nodding out smoking cigarettes). Don't know where I was walking from, but someone told me I was walking from a party in xxxxville back to my house in xxxxx falls. Thats about 20 miles. Not sure how far I made it, but judging by the blisters all over my foot and other things, I figure I made it at least 10 miles.
Next thing I remember is me and my bro and my friend P getting another 8ball and a couple more 60's. the three of us went through the ball that night, me and P snorting, my bro mostly snorting but shooting some of it. Once that was gone, I shot a whole 60. Oh my fucking lord i think thats the best feeling I've ever had not sure why, shot dope plenty of times before, but this was just pure bliss.
And then the money was gone. The 2 grand we had was spent somehow, and my bank account was overdrawn $300. No drugs left, No money left, and it was about 3 days after my first college class had started in RI, and I was still in NY.
Anyway, I soon found a way to get myself back to RI. Here's a couple of things that happened that I didn't know about a couple consequences of that crazy week on phenazepam.
I spent my entire savings plus $300 more than I had on drugs, even though me and my bro both had $2000 to play with.
I somehow burned my forehead really badly. No idea how.
My brother caused an accident by driving down the middle of the road. He was arrested for DUI and leaving the scene of an accident and driving while having his liscense suspended.
<Snip>
Missed my classes for college, and had to withdraw from them.
Got kicked out of my parents house for the rest of my life.
My grandparents just told me I could stay with them for about 3 more weeks, and then I have to leave.
Well, I've vented enough for tonight, still alot more to tell, but I think I'll wait untill tomorrow to post more. Peace guys.
by the way, don't eyeball phenazepam no matter what.
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