LordOfTabs
Bluelighter
well, ive been reading bluelight for years, finally im making my first post.
ANYWAY, when i was about 15, my mother started medicating me with 1mg xanax a day for anxiety (which i dont remember having, i just remember her asking me if i wanted one and what was i supposed to do, say no?) anyway, that got out of hand quick. by the time i was 16 and a half, i could take a fist full and still stand still and function BETTER than normal. but one day early on (before i even took more than 1mg a day, although i was on the stuff for a few months) i woke up, and noticed that my walls were moving inward and outward as if they were being shrunken and growing larger, it was all in my peripheral vision at the time so i wasnt noticing it alot. eventually i started to get to where i couldnt really focus because things were moving so much. so id take a xanax because that gave me anxiety real bad, and i noticed really quickly that xanax made everything stop moving and feel normal. being young stupid and having a what seemed like an endless supply, i shrugged it off and started making sure i always had a xanax on me for social situations.
it wasnt long before i discovered you could stay awake for days on end with adderall, and then i found out after my first time taking it that the come down, sucks. so i would take massive ammounts of xanax to either fall asleep or just relax and chill before the next dose of adderall (the adderall wasnt en every day thing for longer than 3 months) i dropped out of school and i diddnt get a stable job until i moved away from my mother and quit taking her pills.
This goes on until my 18th birthday, by this time, im trying to go to a doctor to get my own prescription, thinking i actually NEEDED xanax to see strait and focus. it wasnt until i actually got in that i was given .25 mgs of xanax, and also zyprexa. (an ANTIPSYCHOTIC) obviously 60 .25 mgs of xanax went fast due to my tolerance. anyway, i decided one day that the xanax could be the whole cause of my problem so i cut them cold turkey (just after taking 8 milligrams at once the night before and staying up all night feeling like jellow watching tv. i was physically sick for about 3 days, and kept taking my zyprexa (10mg i believe) every day. i was told my anxiety was causing the "hallucinations" and thats why i was prescribed the xanax. so i was convinced, until i realized, i hadnt had a benzo in 4 months, a few drinks here and there, and i still have weird distorted vision and anxiety, focus issues, a little shaky, pain in my eyes ect. so i went to another doc and he put me on prozac for anxiety, geodon for the vision, and ATIVAN (.5mg twice daily) for anxiety.
when i take the ativan, or any benzo for that matter, all my problems go away, even if i dont feel a euphoria or any side effects of the benzo. i have zero tolerance for them as well. i guess my main question was, what does one have to be able to tolerate as far as xanax goes mg wise to be considered addicted? and if anyone has a simliar story with stimulants and benzos, do you have weird vision or any sort of weird feeling in your eyes and depersonalization like feelings, and have you taken any other prescribed drugs for the vision? i really need some good advice from some seasoned benzo vets here, not that id take it as professional medical advice, but more an outside perspective of hope, and maybe even someone to assure me that it will pass. ive been reading bluelight since i started taking xanax but i never thought id be making a post like this.
Please read and if you have any similarities or experiance with a situation like mine please share here. i couldnt find a good thread regarding benzo abuse with stimulants, or anybody mentioning trying an antipsychotic to help with the mental and perseptional issues that come with w/d and PAWS. this is my first post so if something needs to be changed, moved, or reworded for rules sake please let me know as i just started posting an hour ago.
ANYWAY, when i was about 15, my mother started medicating me with 1mg xanax a day for anxiety (which i dont remember having, i just remember her asking me if i wanted one and what was i supposed to do, say no?) anyway, that got out of hand quick. by the time i was 16 and a half, i could take a fist full and still stand still and function BETTER than normal. but one day early on (before i even took more than 1mg a day, although i was on the stuff for a few months) i woke up, and noticed that my walls were moving inward and outward as if they were being shrunken and growing larger, it was all in my peripheral vision at the time so i wasnt noticing it alot. eventually i started to get to where i couldnt really focus because things were moving so much. so id take a xanax because that gave me anxiety real bad, and i noticed really quickly that xanax made everything stop moving and feel normal. being young stupid and having a what seemed like an endless supply, i shrugged it off and started making sure i always had a xanax on me for social situations.
it wasnt long before i discovered you could stay awake for days on end with adderall, and then i found out after my first time taking it that the come down, sucks. so i would take massive ammounts of xanax to either fall asleep or just relax and chill before the next dose of adderall (the adderall wasnt en every day thing for longer than 3 months) i dropped out of school and i diddnt get a stable job until i moved away from my mother and quit taking her pills.
This goes on until my 18th birthday, by this time, im trying to go to a doctor to get my own prescription, thinking i actually NEEDED xanax to see strait and focus. it wasnt until i actually got in that i was given .25 mgs of xanax, and also zyprexa. (an ANTIPSYCHOTIC) obviously 60 .25 mgs of xanax went fast due to my tolerance. anyway, i decided one day that the xanax could be the whole cause of my problem so i cut them cold turkey (just after taking 8 milligrams at once the night before and staying up all night feeling like jellow watching tv. i was physically sick for about 3 days, and kept taking my zyprexa (10mg i believe) every day. i was told my anxiety was causing the "hallucinations" and thats why i was prescribed the xanax. so i was convinced, until i realized, i hadnt had a benzo in 4 months, a few drinks here and there, and i still have weird distorted vision and anxiety, focus issues, a little shaky, pain in my eyes ect. so i went to another doc and he put me on prozac for anxiety, geodon for the vision, and ATIVAN (.5mg twice daily) for anxiety.
when i take the ativan, or any benzo for that matter, all my problems go away, even if i dont feel a euphoria or any side effects of the benzo. i have zero tolerance for them as well. i guess my main question was, what does one have to be able to tolerate as far as xanax goes mg wise to be considered addicted? and if anyone has a simliar story with stimulants and benzos, do you have weird vision or any sort of weird feeling in your eyes and depersonalization like feelings, and have you taken any other prescribed drugs for the vision? i really need some good advice from some seasoned benzo vets here, not that id take it as professional medical advice, but more an outside perspective of hope, and maybe even someone to assure me that it will pass. ive been reading bluelight since i started taking xanax but i never thought id be making a post like this.
Please read and if you have any similarities or experiance with a situation like mine please share here. i couldnt find a good thread regarding benzo abuse with stimulants, or anybody mentioning trying an antipsychotic to help with the mental and perseptional issues that come with w/d and PAWS. this is my first post so if something needs to be changed, moved, or reworded for rules sake please let me know as i just started posting an hour ago.
