kushblowin
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 12, 2021
- Messages
- 110
i remember my friend just started getting into ecstasy and right as he did i read that stupid article that says "90% of mdmda is fake" or something. i just started thinking about that as soon as it hit me and asked my frirend to leave and just told him i didnt feel good and i just felt horrible and anxious all night. i thought maybe it was a fluke and i was just paranoid so screw it. i tried again and it just felt horrible every time.
i was stoned off my ass drunk all day and just not thinking straight or anything. i knew i didnt have any friends and the people who sold me mdma basically just took my money and told me to fuck off and they didnt want to hang out and i just felt really lonely and i was hanging out with a weird shitty friend i had but my only friend and he was just an ass hole to me the entire time and after the ecstasy hit me i just felt really alone, i was talking to a girl i liked, i had no friends, every girl or friend i talked to was just horrible for me and it was just the worst part in my life. i didnt like how mdma made me feel and i didnt like my pupils being huge and it just felt wrong. i never had a drug give me a bad trip before and ive tried some shit in some pretty shitty situations and mdma was the only thing that officially whooped my ass. drugs were never the same after.
i just remember sitting with my "friend" and it hit me and i just got this weird feeling and we were alone staring into a fire listening to music and i just got this weird feeling that everyone/everything around me was "demonic" and 99% of the world is just demonic garbage and the only thing you can do is just get away from everybody and give up all the drugs stop listening to shitty music, and all this shit that i just knew everything was wrong. i was on weed and alcohol all day not thinking straight and finally sober i had the realization that my body was just so burned out from being high all the time and anxiety and not liking the drugs that i just made a metaphor in my head because i knew where my life was going just sitting around getting stoned all day listening to stupid music, hanging out with idiots, letting my life fly by, hanging around shitty people, every day getting stoned, every relationship was awful.
i was still a dumb ass for years after this until it got so bad i really couldnt enjoy anything after except for downers (xanax painkillers booze) but i kept doing it anyways thinking i was just being a pussy and i needed to just overcome my anxiety. eventually it all just got too bad and i realized i had to stop everything and it was officially over and i would never enjoy drugs again. i completely turned my life around and only want to find the right girl, not getting any tattoos, not doing anymore drugs, not hanging around people who do drugs, not going near trouble, etc all because of those mdma rolls. every single one of them was fucking horrible and as soon as it hits me i just get anxious cold sweating shaking hands i feel like everyone just hates me and is out to get me and i just freak the fuck out and drink alcohol until it goes away and cry all night.
i tested the drugs and even pure mdma makes me feel this way, every ecstasy pill every molly crystal. eventually i told myself ill just do xanax weed and opiates then i just looked around and realized me on mdma was right. im burned out all the time, no friends, been alone for years, i do drugs 24/7. im just throwing up in trash cans, high alone, everything is laced with fentanyl now, everyones dying, cold and alone every night. i never had fun on drugs one time. i guess mdma just made me become super religious without believing in god? i just remember one time looking into a mirror and saw my pupils on ecstasy and just got a sick feeling like drugs werent for me and i just wanted to stop but i couldnt. that feeling ate away at me for years. i have no desire to do x, acid, shrooms, etc but i still get the urge to do downers just so i die.
i was stoned off my ass drunk all day and just not thinking straight or anything. i knew i didnt have any friends and the people who sold me mdma basically just took my money and told me to fuck off and they didnt want to hang out and i just felt really lonely and i was hanging out with a weird shitty friend i had but my only friend and he was just an ass hole to me the entire time and after the ecstasy hit me i just felt really alone, i was talking to a girl i liked, i had no friends, every girl or friend i talked to was just horrible for me and it was just the worst part in my life. i didnt like how mdma made me feel and i didnt like my pupils being huge and it just felt wrong. i never had a drug give me a bad trip before and ive tried some shit in some pretty shitty situations and mdma was the only thing that officially whooped my ass. drugs were never the same after.
i just remember sitting with my "friend" and it hit me and i just got this weird feeling and we were alone staring into a fire listening to music and i just got this weird feeling that everyone/everything around me was "demonic" and 99% of the world is just demonic garbage and the only thing you can do is just get away from everybody and give up all the drugs stop listening to shitty music, and all this shit that i just knew everything was wrong. i was on weed and alcohol all day not thinking straight and finally sober i had the realization that my body was just so burned out from being high all the time and anxiety and not liking the drugs that i just made a metaphor in my head because i knew where my life was going just sitting around getting stoned all day listening to stupid music, hanging out with idiots, letting my life fly by, hanging around shitty people, every day getting stoned, every relationship was awful.
i was still a dumb ass for years after this until it got so bad i really couldnt enjoy anything after except for downers (xanax painkillers booze) but i kept doing it anyways thinking i was just being a pussy and i needed to just overcome my anxiety. eventually it all just got too bad and i realized i had to stop everything and it was officially over and i would never enjoy drugs again. i completely turned my life around and only want to find the right girl, not getting any tattoos, not doing anymore drugs, not hanging around people who do drugs, not going near trouble, etc all because of those mdma rolls. every single one of them was fucking horrible and as soon as it hits me i just get anxious cold sweating shaking hands i feel like everyone just hates me and is out to get me and i just freak the fuck out and drink alcohol until it goes away and cry all night.
i tested the drugs and even pure mdma makes me feel this way, every ecstasy pill every molly crystal. eventually i told myself ill just do xanax weed and opiates then i just looked around and realized me on mdma was right. im burned out all the time, no friends, been alone for years, i do drugs 24/7. im just throwing up in trash cans, high alone, everything is laced with fentanyl now, everyones dying, cold and alone every night. i never had fun on drugs one time. i guess mdma just made me become super religious without believing in god? i just remember one time looking into a mirror and saw my pupils on ecstasy and just got a sick feeling like drugs werent for me and i just wanted to stop but i couldnt. that feeling ate away at me for years. i have no desire to do x, acid, shrooms, etc but i still get the urge to do downers just so i die.
