Weight of Words

[ocean]

Since being in therapy, it has been brought to my attention that I use a lot of negative self talk.
I always thought I was so positive, and I am , about other people- but in general and about myself, I never realized how negative I am!
My therapist gave me these worksheets and they give examples of sub-personalities (such as the worrier, the perfectionists, etc. ) and lines they may say to themselves......
In reading them I decided to make myself more aware of how I speak to myself. Even things as small as being stuck in traffic- there is an example in the work sheet of positive and negative talk-
The positive person would say something like "Well, I am here so I might as well take the time to relax, listen to my favorite music or enjoy the slow pace" where as the negative would be something like "Damn it! Would these flippin' people hurry the fuck up!" haha
(I can give more examples later if anyone is interested.)
I am not a road rage person but I do have a car phobia and noticed I tell myself things like "the hwy is dangerous...." and "you might get in an accident if you drive on the hwy" and the more I am subconsciously telling myself these things, the more my mind begins to naturally recognize hwy=danger which in turn for me=panic.
Do any of you notice the way you speak to yourself?
If you haven't, and you start now, I'd be really interested in hearing how you find it effects you and maybe we can all work together to change these negative statements we give ourselves (no matter how small) and turn them into positive......What say you?

 

[monchi]

lately ive been going through a bit of depression and have noticed that i do use quite a bit of negative self talk. i could gve examples but id rather not remind myself again. plus, ive noticed other people telling me that i beat myself up. its funny though; i recognize it, and yet at this point its hard to stop.

im going to make a real effort to use positive speech as much as i can, and especially with regard to myself. thanks for the reminder!

 

[Pillthrill]

I can be a very negative person. My worst judge is me. I was constantly telling myself I'm ugly, worthless, useless, everything is my fault, I always fuck up on and on and on...
I've gotten better about it, having someone in my life that says the positive things that I SHOULD be saying helps. Plus not having to be perfect and not putting myself down for every little thing sure saves me a lot of anxiety.
But lately I've not been getting out of bed anymore. I just have no motivation for life. That kinda goes hand in hand with "God, I'm so fucking worthless. I got nothing done today. I'm a fucking failure".

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I also have a lot of negative ideas about myself, though I don't experience it through panic, just anger/depression.

I've been trying to be more positive. If I get stuck in traffic I just play my music loud enough and focus on enjoying the music, instead of getting pissed off/blowing my horn.

I guess my advice to you, Ocean, is to just take a look around TDS and see how many people you've helped. Think positively about yourself when doing this and try to take that to heart (get a good "feel" for how good of a person you really are) - I think this could help a lot. I bet you will have a good vibe about yourself before you get to page 2! :D

 

[izzy66]

a few years ago i realized i def had a "glass half empty" internal dialogue. i don't like it and i consciously try to find one good thing to say about the day even if it's something totally mundane like "at least it's not raining."

mostly something little will set me off and i consistenly berate myself w/ the same shit over and over; "dumb as a rock, useless, hopeless, pathetic, weak" etc, etc. every day i say i won't shred on myself but fail more often than not.
-izzy

 

[hyroller]

My self-dialogue goes one way or the other, depending ENTIRELY on my mood.

I'm aware of it, so if it's going too far downhill, I consciously try to bring it back up.

I suppose that's why I have an avoidant personality. When something is shit, I try to replace it with anything else to make it seem less real.

 

[psyly]

I do take inventory of the tenor of my self talk. I also at times take corrective measures trying to replace verbal habits that are dis-empowering with more empowering word choices.

My first introduction to this that stuck with me was in high school when a teacher would not let people say things like "He made me angry" instead always insisting it was "I allowed him to make me angry".

Self-talk is a primary foundation of both identity and mood. In many situations changing self-talk is the biggest gain possible, often a big gain for really minimal effort.

 

[phillyjen]

I used to be VERY negative about myself -- sometimes it's also your environment -- if you have people that demean you, you may start to believe them. Eventually I found very supportive FRIENDS that told me I was pretty, smart, etc. If you're told these things enough, you start to believe them yourself and it starts to show in your outward appearance So you may have to do some "housecleaning" and get rid of the negative people in your life...just an idea!

Also, just as psyly indicates above, remove the negative words from your language and try to rephrase them in a positive way (instead of "I am not going to use today" say "I am going to stay clean today") -- I learned that from rehab group....

 

[Mr Blonde]

This sounds like what my psychologist used to help me with a few years ago when I was seeing her for depression and anxiety, I don't think I've ever gotten past being so negative but usually these days the thoughts have been dissociated from myself so instead of me telling myself bad things there is someone else telling me bad things that I don't have control over.

 

[powdakilla]

I've been in the same boat for years, to the point of with drawl from friends, lost jobs, suicidal thoughts, and even attempts. Something that helps me is, When I catch myself thinking something negative about myself, I stop, and ask myself, ' Would anyone else, say the things I am saying to myself about the situation? Would I say the same things I'm saying to myself to anyone else who's in the same situation?'
That came out a little convoluted, but do you get what I'm saying. We say things to ourselves we would never say to anyone else, and that anyone who's a half decent person would probably never say to us; So why do we hold ourselves to such a different standard than the rest of the world would?
If I had that answer I might not be on medication and in therapy! but recognizing your thoughts is a huge start to dealing with them...

 

[paranoid android]

Funny but i don't think your that negative. Haha id like to take that test that would be hilarious :D . The positive person would say something like "Well, I am here so I might as well take the time to relax, listen to my favorite music or enjoy the slow pace". Me: Get's out and drags the driver out of his car and beats his head in with the door

Actually i havent done that but i would have ended up in a scrap right in the middle of rushour traffick on a busy road had the guy not ran and locked himself in his car . Fucking idiot insult a family member much less my mom in front of me will you . It was for a good cause i think ive told you this story Dez

Im what you call a reactionary. I merly react to situations good or bad . Atleast thats what i tell myself cause usually im pretty mellowed out unless someone gives me reason otherwise 8)

The negative thoughts are just about myself and i usually take them out on myself only. Im trying to change that.

 

[Jekyll and Hyde]

Sometimes my mother has to leave the room I'm in because she said the negativity I give off makes her depressed, which is kind of self perpetuating, because her saying that makes me more miserable. Though lately, with my new meds, I've been feeling a lot better, and instead of looking at life without any hope, I'm actually feeling hopeful for the future.