Any instances where someone benefited from opiate use...?
Just to maintain full disclosure I have not done heroin for very long, nor have I gone for long periods of time maintaining a habit due to the paranoia of full-blown, deep addiction. I do not have the money to fund a habit, and the thought of a prolonged, worsening tolerance is a bit too much for me to handle.
But I have to wonder -- does anyone know of any instances in which someone benefited from opium use rather than being destroyed by it?
I am a very anxious person. When I do H, the obvious symptoms like a sense of well-being comes over me. For the past few weeks I have been snorting every night, essentially redosing every few hours and pulling all-nighters. However, within this period I have maintained both my jobs (nannying, retail), as well as working on freelance art, and I feel like whenever I came home, dosed, and got to work I was more productive and enthused than I ever have been. I made revisions within hours of getting an e-mail that likely would have taken me a lot longer otherwise. My girlfriend and I received a bad batch that was essentially ground-up benadryl, and withdrawal hit fucking HARD -- I was incapacitated for a day physically and now I'm suffering through withdrawal depression while I taper down with a decent cut -- I'm only dosing once a night, and going down by two lines every evening until I can stay clean for a bit and go back without being so bingey about it.
I know it is likely a self-perpetuating spiral (and likely very, very dangerous logic), but when I'm on heroin I stop worrying and toiling and become productive and motivated. My self-consciousness affects my relationship (when I am on heroin I can actually have sex and not be so concerned with myself/my body issues/my confidence), as well as inhibits my ability to take chances with what I am hoping can be a successful art career (I'm the typical art school graduate -- got a degree, and I'm doing whatever I can right now to pay my loans). I am too terrified to take chances otherwise.
This is likely a jumbled mess -- as mentioned, I'm going through the withdrawal blues so I'm not necessarily thinking linearly. I just thought I'd ask and see if anyone on here knew of anyone maintaining a steady habit that was likened to taking anti-depressants or something, that actually helped rather than harmed. I feel that if I come back after this taper and am strict with myself something like this would help me greatly, if previous instances have existed without spiraling out of control.
I appreciate any feedback or help. I'm pretty naive when it comes to all of this so I appreciate the advice anyone could offer.
