somnilicious
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2012
- Messages
- 3,220
I wanted to start a thread for bluelighters to list the various ways that addiction has negatively impacted their life as part catharsis and as a means of boldly laying everything out in black and white, so that we may take an honest appraisal of the destruction left in its wake. It is my hopes that in doing so that we will be able to come to terms with the truth of our substance use and use it as motivation to finally move forward with resolve. I will start with a statistical list and then later add in depth stories that can be both morbid and comical but always consequential.
-4 petit theft charges
-2 marijuana possession charges
-6 cars totaled from accidents(one running from the cops, one at 75mph on the highway that should have killed me and almost all of them from falling asleep)
-1 black out DUI that could have ended in me killing somebody
-lost 3 loves due to addiction( 2 that left me and 1 that overdosed and died next to me in bed as I frantically tried to scoop the vomit out of her throat)
-10 narcan overdoses
-Hep-C
-$100,000+ in hospital bills
-$10,000 in credit card debt in one year from using overdraft protection as my personal crack piggy bank
-1 felony possession of heroin that was dropped
-I initiated an event that directly led to the arrest of my 2 roommates, them trying to set me up in a control buy and plant meth on me, one of them lost the house his dead mother had given him and is now in prison as a consequence.
-turned countless people on to opiates early in my using that are now dead including my best friend since kindergarden.
-3 rehabs and over 3yrs spent in sober living
-10 yrs in separate stints on methadone at almost $400 a month=$48,000....... Not even going to try and add up all the money spent on drugs in total.
-20yrs without significant accomplishment
-missed events, funerals, weddings and damaged relationships of friends and family..... Too difficult to quantify
-several $1000 in dental work
-spent 5 yrs barely leaving my room at one point
-one hit and run, while injecting cocaine that I got away with
-20+ lost jobs
-2 stints on probation the countless money spent on court fees, lawyers and probation cost.
The worst are the unquantifiable aspects of addiction like lost time, potential, relationship damage, psychological, spiritual, brain and body damage. It is when I lay out my using stories in gruesome detail that the true depth is exposed but that is to come later. When I look back on my using I can see just how fortunate I truly am. I absolutely feel as if something has been looking out for me. I honestly don't know how I am alive. All my old using friends are dead. I have no felonies, relatively good health, looks, no serious injuries and I didn't kill anybody in my driving accidents and DUI. I am absolutely blessed.
-4 petit theft charges
-2 marijuana possession charges
-6 cars totaled from accidents(one running from the cops, one at 75mph on the highway that should have killed me and almost all of them from falling asleep)
-1 black out DUI that could have ended in me killing somebody
-lost 3 loves due to addiction( 2 that left me and 1 that overdosed and died next to me in bed as I frantically tried to scoop the vomit out of her throat)
-10 narcan overdoses
-Hep-C
-$100,000+ in hospital bills
-$10,000 in credit card debt in one year from using overdraft protection as my personal crack piggy bank
-1 felony possession of heroin that was dropped
-I initiated an event that directly led to the arrest of my 2 roommates, them trying to set me up in a control buy and plant meth on me, one of them lost the house his dead mother had given him and is now in prison as a consequence.
-turned countless people on to opiates early in my using that are now dead including my best friend since kindergarden.
-3 rehabs and over 3yrs spent in sober living
-10 yrs in separate stints on methadone at almost $400 a month=$48,000....... Not even going to try and add up all the money spent on drugs in total.
-20yrs without significant accomplishment
-missed events, funerals, weddings and damaged relationships of friends and family..... Too difficult to quantify
-several $1000 in dental work
-spent 5 yrs barely leaving my room at one point
-one hit and run, while injecting cocaine that I got away with
-20+ lost jobs
-2 stints on probation the countless money spent on court fees, lawyers and probation cost.
The worst are the unquantifiable aspects of addiction like lost time, potential, relationship damage, psychological, spiritual, brain and body damage. It is when I lay out my using stories in gruesome detail that the true depth is exposed but that is to come later. When I look back on my using I can see just how fortunate I truly am. I absolutely feel as if something has been looking out for me. I honestly don't know how I am alive. All my old using friends are dead. I have no felonies, relatively good health, looks, no serious injuries and I didn't kill anybody in my driving accidents and DUI. I am absolutely blessed.
