Wasting Potential/Life on Drugs

[RRJ31337]

Is comfort what makes us complacent?
I work at a warehouse about 60 hours a week for 12 bucks an hour. Ive been doing this for the last 7-8 years. Aside from freelance jobs inbetween.

I write music , write stand up comedy bits and have all these ideas for skits. Shit that could MAKE ME MONEY but every day i wake up at 4am and get to work by 6 and bust ass til around 3 or 4 then head home, Get baked and go to sleep for the next day.

In 2018 i was living in hotels and was unemployed. I got down to my last nug and litterally pulled a rabbit out the hat and found an Immediate job with immediate pay. Better believe i had bud that night.

2 weeks ago my car broke down and since then ive been pulling alll sorts of fucking rabits out the hat so i can get to my heroin dealer.

Bike 7 miles in the rain at night? The whole time im riding my bike im thinking to myself, why cant i summonn this willpower to make something of myself? To do something BIG.
I never realize how crafty i am until it comes down to getting or doing drugs.

All day people tell me im unique. The few songs i have written and let people hear, they are shocked. I met a magician thru mutual friends that wants to take me on stage with him. But its like the only thing that REALLY motivates me is Drugs.

I know MANY smart smart folk, damn near genius level. What do they ALL have in common? DRUGS. Its also whats holding us back.

With this last check i did Insane overtime. Im physically exhausted. I had plans to go buy a laptop so i can finally write all these ideas i have down on a computer instead of a cracked up phone.

Made over a Rack, whats my junky ass do? Dropped 400 on drugs and then my car broke down so the rest went twords transportation to work and food.

My mechanic gave up on my car, i dont get paid for 5 more days, i got 23 bucks in my account , 60 bucks in my wallet but somehow im gonna find a way to pull yet another rabbit out the fucking hat and score more pot and smack and survive til payday wow.

Anybody else just straight knowingly wasting potential?

 

[G_Chem]

Been there.. Trust me when I say it only gets harder and harder to pull that rabbit out.

It’s amazing though now that I’ve broke free (best I can) what things I’ve been capable of.

When I was using heroin I too was working two shit jobs, many days from 930am to 12-1am. Then often after work go grab dope. Basically working to get my fix just to function day to day, bud and dope same as you.

Once I got off heroin and onto Suboxone I was slowly over the years able to fix things in my life that allowed my potential to unfold. For instance getting a better paying job where I can control my hours has been huge. Not only that but then having money leftover to pursue my goals in life.

There will come a day when the rabbit won’t come out anymore and it’s up to you to decide what next..

-GC

 

[Aeon Psyche]

Any opiate use without it being short-term is wasted potential of life imo. They are boring drugs on their own that physical addiction ruins your life because you'll be sick. I think also of stimulant abuse as wasted potential because taking it for too long and your increased hormones might aswell kill you from wanting to keep going as the sex addiction is so intense. You might overdose quiker, the longer you are taking it and less longer realise what you are doing. Die from simply ignoring meals as they might seem inedible each time, or actually succeed to kill yourself on a very long time of usage it's withdrawl all coming back to you in a suicidal depression. Or end up with psychosis because you masturbated to porn for a week without sleep or food.

These are worst case scenarios but very possible. And each moment you did nothing but destroy your health and waste time while you could've realised something important and meaningfull, etc.

 

[Mafioso]

Yeah it's frustrating, especially for me after spending time sober and seeing how much greater my potential became just by not swallowing pills and smoking pot all day. Songs that seemed difficult and I struggled to learn prior, now I was able to learn and pick up much more on the nuances of the sound and timbre.

The biggest thing for me was a clarity of perspective, and a feeling of self-confidence because I was achieving goals I thought I needed to get high to do. A lot of it I did better as well.. turns out, like you say, it was and now currently is holding me back again.

The frustration you have is not a bad thing really, honestly partly even a great thing. You can use that frustration to help motivate you to change your habits, detox/make it through the withdrawal. And then, after a little time and counseling, at least for me, you are now fully, or at least far more, capable of tapping into those talents, building on them, and then exploiting them to the fullest potential.

I honestly do believe that, if truly used in extreme moderation and control. that drugs can give you and added edge, or a perspective that might not have come otherwise. However, this balance is difficult to pull off, if possible at all, and most that I know end up experiencing quite a bit of negatives that generally out weigh the positives. And then, there is the fact that many, who have never indulged in drug use and accomplished great things, just as well as there are many who achieve great things despite drug use. I'd like to consider myself in the second group, but even at my height of acheivements was the peak of my depression.

I still desire success, or at least to be highly proficient in at least one trade, but I realize that if it comes at the sacrifice of friends and family, or at the cost of my health or happiness- it really isn't worth it.

and it's not always comfort that makes us complacent. There are many things, like learned helplessness, depression, fear of failure/success, or even discomfort and unhappiness. Personally if I feel complacent, I ask myself, what are my goals, why am I not achieving them and what is getting in the way, what I need to do to achieve said goals, then start to formulate a plan and schedule. To tough part, for me, is sticking to it. We are all different though.

 

[RRJ31337]

That was a really insightful post mafioso. The detox wont be a problem. I kept it in moderation. The worst "withdrawl" i get is restless legs for about 4 days plus the only plug got locked up yay -.-

Ive got a bunch of goals set up and layed out but the only real hinderance is time and money. I work all day all week long to make a decent check so i can live with 'some' level of comfort and still buy drugs.
Why do i do drugs? Allll stims down to sheer mental boredum. I know that im on step A and my goals are alllll the way at Z. That journey thru the alphabets a bitch.

Then i get to the thought, "Stop getting high in order to work less so you have more time to persue your goals.

Ill think of a problem i face then come up with a solution in my head, a clear solution. Why not jumpstart on it? Sounds simple enough? This is usually where i just delete the whole block of text i just wrote because i answer my own questions lol.

Well the small ramble is up, gotta clock in!