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Wanting to hurt others

  • Thread starter Thread starter FreakOnALeash
  • Start date Start date
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FreakOnALeash

Guest
I am getting the urge to want to hurt people that have done wrong by me in life

I can't shake it

I don't know where to turn

For so long all I thought about was killing myself

No I think about hurting the people that put me in the place I am today
 
Maybe the best way to look at what you are feeling is to recognize that you are in extreme psychological pain and that you need to get help for it. Having suicidal feelings meant you were turning blame in on yourself. Now you are blaming others. No matter what has happened, staying stuck in blaming will only hurt you and hold you down. Hurting either yourself or other people will not change what has happened in the past but it will negatively affect your future.

You need to try to find a safe place to discuss your feelings and try to get to some place of forgiveness. This doesn't mean condoning what was done to you. It means taking the power to hurt you away from anyone that holds it. Don't let them have that power over you. <3
 
Exactly. You cannot control what others do or have done, but can control how you react to what others do and what they have done. Forgiveness is all about the person who has been wronged: you can't change how the person(s) who wronged you feel about their actions, but you can change how you feel about them.

Forgive, but never forget. That's how I try to handle such things. There is still one stupid revenge fantasy that I haven't been able to exorcise just yet, but it is a work in progress. Forgiveness, like most things, is a gradual, incremental process. Often requiring conscious thought-adjustment. Take your time, start small, and see if you can let a little bit of it go. If it sticks, then great! Try to build on it. Otherwise, try again.

It's a cliché, but violence only begets more violence. It has to stop somewhere.
 
Dave said:
It's a cliché, but violence only begets more violence. It has to stop somewhere.
Click to expand...
indeed. watch american history x.

sometimes i have these feelings about the family i am estranged from. to the point of visualizing their house burning down and their being tortured in various ways, being made to feel very uncomfortable and losing things. it's understandable considering they left me to fend for myself at 18 w/nothing. we had money growing up, lived in the suburbs. they're fucking clueless as to what they left me to and what i went through and insist i "chose it for myself" because it's easier to scapegoat me than be a parent.

i went through a thing where i'd freak out when i was black out drunk and try to beat my friends up, but as i understand it, i wasn't much to deal with...not a real threat, lol. still, crazy. i probably thought they were my parents, or my resentment was just making me insane. either way i'd rather be a better person than let it destroy my character.
 
Hey man,

I identify so much with what you're saying. I don't have an answer, but the people above have really spoken wisdom.

One thing that's been especially difficult for me with this desire to get even and to hurt has been the feelings of shame or self doubt that accompany it. It's almost like their wrongs do damage twice. The first it the actual wrong they've done, and the second is the shitty feeling I get when I feel that I've become an objectionable person.

I'm not sure what your personal habits are, but there are things you may enjoy that simply feed into this sense of revenge and wanting to get even. Those things are like drugs. I'll confess that for me personally that 'outlet' has been violent pornography. Each time I watch such a thing I get off on it at first, and then I find myself questioning why I did, doubting myself, and hating myself more for enjoying such a 'terrible' act as I see it. And when I try to quit looking at such things it works for a while until I feel like "wow, I'm not attracted anymore to normal things" so I feel I must go back and seek more violence.

But that isn't really the answer you know. Whatever you feel will get even with the world or dull the pain is not likely to do that. Often, those who hurt us in the first place cannot really understand the pain we've felt. Therefore 'hurting' them back isn't going to be equivalent to what we've experienced anyway. You've gotta force yourself to see the good and the bright side in things, or the hatred and malevolence will just consume you more and more. That's what I've experienced, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone else
 
I'm pretty sure I know at least a little bit of what you're feeling right now. I've been treated like dirt for as long as I can remember. I agree with Herbie, you seem like you're in severe, crippling psychological pain because of these people. Try to talk to someone close, or even yourself if it seems more appropriate; vent for a while and let all of your thoughts and emotions flow through your mouth and into the air. This kind of release was one of the best things for me when I struggled with my various social, emotional, and personal problems. It seems stupid but it works, I swear. Don't blame yourself or anyone else for what's happened with these assholes, it'll only bring you down.

I had those strong desires for revenge, usually violent revenge, against the people who tormented me just like you're describing here. Even though it seems like getting revenge will make things better, I highly doubt it will. You'll be satisfied for a moment or two, then you'll only feel ashamed because you will have lowered yourself to the same level as the people you hate most. That happened to me, and it wasn't a good feeling like I thought it would be. My advice to you is this: take the high road, hold yourself to a higher standard and be the bigger man. It'll serve you the best in the long run. Look at your situation and try to find the good that can come out of it; they seem like they're breaking you down, but once they're gone and you can look back on what happened you'll find that you're stronger than you would have been otherwise.

I'll end with this: they're not targeting you because they think you're worthless or good-for-nothing or inferior; they target you because you possess something in your being that threatens them. You're better than they are, you're stronger than they are, and you're much more intelligent and competent than they are. It doesn't take strength to be a bully; it takes strength to be bullied.

Don't worry about those useless shits that insist on harassing you. You're the better person for not lowering yourself to their level with some sort of petty revenge, and you're the stronger person because you've experienced and survived something that they couldn't even fathom. Be confident. Their bullying won't last forever.

Best of luck to you, my friend. Bluelight will always be here for you, whatever you might need. Don't be afraid to come here and rant or vent or complain or moan or ramble, that's what we're for. :)

You'll get through this <3
 
What happens when you've been targeted so much in your life that the "victim" mentality becomes a part of you. It defines you, and leaves you open for more torment.
 
Talk it out here if you feel comfortable.

A lot of people go through suicidal/homicidal feelings, and can relate to what you're going through.

We're all here to listen and give you feedback though, don't be afraid to share. :)
 
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