Want to quit for others but not for myself.

[Tryptomaniacs]

So I've been sober off and on since I was 12, and I just had a tonsillectomy and I'm back on the opiates disk every second I can and double and triple dosing and taking benzos on top of the opiates and any downers I can find and I know that even once the pain is gone I'm going to probably order some kratom and tianeptine and all sorts of shit but all my friends and family hate the fact that I use and they were proud of me for being clean for the last few months. And right now I don't want to quit I want to use drugs every day. HOW can I want to quit for myself? I feel like if I don't personally want to do it than I never truly will and idk I love drugs and they have became a far to big part of ,y life and I want them gone but I can't let go please help me ):

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Have you considered rehab?

 

[cj]

Maybe you should focus on cutting back instead of completely quitting? The key to successfully using drugs is finding a balance.

 

[Moreaux]

For years I wanted to quit so my family could be happy. Deep down, I wasn't ready and still enjoyed using. If you use long enough eventually the negative consequences will pile up in your life and the using is more like maintenance to feel normal and it stops being pleasurable. I finally wanted to quit for myself when using became consistently painful and my life was in ruins. Sadly, I didn't suffer really negative effects until I was in my thirties, so I absolutely pissed away my twenties and late teens.

You sound like you're still young. The best thing you can do for yourself is to learn about addiction and recovery. Even if your not ready to quit, you can make better decisions regarding using and understand the progressive nature of this disease and how it applies to you. I second the rehab suggestion as it is a great resource. You may not get clean, but it will educate you and when you're ready to get clean, you will know where to start.

If rehab isn't an option consider talking to a mental health professional and find out what is driving you to use. Finding out why you use is critical in getting healthy enough to stop using. For me it was OCD. I didn't have a lousy childhood and my parents loved me. However, as I got older my OCD got to epic levels and I began self medicating through drugs and alcohol to alleviate the symptoms. Becoming aware of that and finding coping mechanisms has allowed me to gain a few years in sobriety.

Just want to add, be careful mixing opiates and benzos. That is a particularly dangerous combination. Many people have accidentally committed suicide with that combination.

Good luck!

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

I really hear that you WANT to quit but are afraid to since you love drugs so much....and you're looking for support and help TO quit?

Go to rehab..
OR, find a psychologist who specializes in addition. Go see this person once a week for an hour and just talk to them. They'll be able to give you more support and really get to the root of your addiction. Why do you use? Why are you so scared of quitting? How can you be happier and enjoy your life MORE?

 

[Ligaturd]

I second the psychologist who specializes in addiction. Or even a drug counsellor. It is true. You have to be ready to quit. If you quit to make others happy it just isn't going to work. Addiction is a self motivated affliction. It is to pacify your receptors, to change your perception, to give you pleasure. It is an extremely personal thing and it is ingrained into your very being and quitting requires actually being ready to quit or you are going to struggle immensely. That's not to say it isn't possible. With the right support it can be done. Seeing an addiction counsellor or psychologist and having that dialog, understanding what motivates your addiction and getting a better picture of maybe how it shapes your motivations, how you interact with people because of it etc. Maybe that will help steer you towards getting to the point where you are more comfortable with making that very personal decision? If anything there isn't anything to lose by taking that first step.

 

[thuqit]

I feel that is the conundrum of addiction. I've wanted to quit a long time, and by a long time I mean like 15 years because I was ashamed at what I did and how my family would eventually find out as my screw ups got bigger and bigger. Seeing a professional would be a great first step, though you have to be honest with them. Make sure you feel comfortable with that person to tell the truth. I would often go to a professional or a meeting and be embarassed to tell the truth. I guess it is ttrue that the truth will set you free. Best of luck to you.