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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Want to die...still.

ne0 is spot on.

even though it feels like no one cares, 99.999998% of the time your actions will effect someone else.

stay strong my friend
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n3ophy7e said:
This is entirely untrue, although I know what it's like to feel depressed and to think that no-one will care if you die. I felt like that just yesterday! But it's just the depression making you think that, it's not true.

I have seen first-hand the effects of a loved-one's suicide on the family and friends of the person who takes their life. Mate, believe me when I say this: It will absolutely destroy the lives of your parents, your brother, your friends and teachers at college. Especially your parents and your brother, please do not do this to them man. They at least deserve to know how you're currently feeling, you can't take your life without giving them a chance to reach out and help you.

Please talk to them. Tell them how you're really feeling and that you're not coping.
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Im not so sure it would impact anyone other than immidiete family, and a couple of my close friends. They would EASILY get over my death. The teachers at college would be greatfull I know that for sure. After they heard about my car crash, they simply said "Thanks for letting us know, we need his work that hes missed asap."

I know that nothing positive lies ahead for me. So, whats the point? Living in unbearable fear and stress everyday for the sake of...what?

However, taking your advice, I've spoken to a couple of friends about it, one of them a very close one, the other a trustworth aquaintence.

I have a feeling this will only make things worse though, as in secondary school, people started treating me differently when they heard rumour of my mental health issues, mainly girls started talking to me as if I was a serial killer or somthing. Id never hurt another indivivdual, my problem is with myself, not others. But people seem to be really avoident of suicidal people.

I hope that dosnt happen again.

villian said:
stay strong my friend
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Thank you brother, I will try

Casper.

note: after reading succesful stories regardnig magnesium in the cure of deppression, I am embarking on test run to see if it helps.
 
Hi Casper,

Came across this post today and decided to register after reading it. I hope you're still hanging in there. Please don't feel like you're alone in this; many of us have been dealing with suicidal thoughts for years. I'm 23 now and have been dealing with depression/anxiety and thoughts of killing myself since I was about 17. I still have bad thoughts, but I'm better now than I was a couple years ago.

If you need to talk to someone, please message me.

Adie
 
yea i want to kill myself soo badly too..

Drugs only delay that feeling..

But once the drugs end, that feeling comes back.. Which has happen to me. It took me 14months to get over a addiction, and now that feeling is back force than ever...
The way Im feeling Im probably going to kill myself before Im 30..
 
can anyone recomened a good downer? My anxiety and aggression is fucking up my education. I just need somthing to calm me down other than benzos as I dont want to go near them. Please.
 
ok i kinda got the same problem n im strugglin, i take it u want 2 stay sober as i do. i can manage with benzos but cuz of my past medical history its near imposssible 2 get any so im stuck with alcohol 4 now until i move out of my place that is a triggr 4 me so i can b sober n pursue my career. god helps me but i wont turn this to religion or any such thing so heres 2 options i know of; calea zacatechichi, its an indian dream herb with very little research on it, however its completely legal and if you smoke it, (dont use the tea recipe) about 1-2 bowls relaxes u 4 a bit, gr8 antianxiety med unfortunately for severe anxiety it will help but u may need sumthing stronger. btw it wont really get u high and the effects might only last as long as a half hour.

the second option i know of is an old medication called buspirone; i warn u to check the internet on info on it cuz i find doctors know little about it and theyll just hand it out like it aint dangerous. i had it prescribed 2 me and my doctor knows ive been on dialysis(4 my kidneys), n ive had liver n spleen damage as well. if i had taken it id either of died or been on permanant dialysis, thank god for the internet. its also slightly radioactive and no where near as effective as benzos. so thats all i know just research thoroughly. Beyond meds theres intense group therapy; light therapy(strobe lighting an uv); and music seems 2 help me a little. if u can go shooting, its amazingly theraputic 4 most people.

just as a personal side note i find it so very fucked up that in the past when i had extreme anxiety but also the intention to abuse the meds, with a medical history of drug use, it was so easy 2 get wat i wanted n get high. Now that i just want 2 b sober so i can b a better writer, with no intention of drug abuse, it seems impossible to get the medication i actually need. Has any1 else had this problem?

good luck
 
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There are plenty of great downers, check the anxiolytics page on wikipedia for some ideas. If you're really desperate take a couple of benadryl (diphenhydramine) until you find something better.

I've read through this and I can relate quite a bit with family/friends not caring or understanding. Fuck them, be happy for yourself, feel better for yourself not them. In the end you are the one who deals with your issues, so sorting through it will help you, other people and their opinions, feelings, ideas are irrelevant at this point. Don't give up, simply for the sake that if things do turn around, you'd probably be pretty pissed off for ending it a bit early. Things always make more sense once you calm down so remember not to act when your mind is racing.

It's frustrating to have these feelings and not have any support/understanding. There are people who understand and have gone through similar things. Many of us struggle with family/friends who just don't get it and likely never will. I ignore these people because I know that they just can't even imagine what I go through or offer any reasonable help, just let them be, you know better and that's what matters.
 
thanks robot, that post helped alot, and I was provided with some relief for a while because of your post.

However I have decided that tonight is the night, and I plan to head up to the train station later, after sorting out a few things (in an attempt to make this less harmful to anyone else).

Id like to thank everyone who posted in this thread, you guys have kept me alive an extra 3 months since I posted originaly. Its just too much now.

Goodbye everyone <3
 
sounds like u need 2 check urself in2 a hospital, thats wat i did recently b4 shooting myself, i figured i needed a clear mind to make such a serious decision, also knew i had nothing 2 lose if it didnt change my mind cuz all i had 2 do is kill myself when i got out if i still wanted 2. good thing i checked in it helped alot, this time my life was changed n im glad i didnt kill myself, i now have purpose n capability. it was a difficult struggle but i remember the night everything changed, febuary 2nd. anyway i dont really hav any more advice 4 u, just whatv u got 2 lose?
 
sog.pain4evr said:
sounds like u need 2 check urself in2 a hospital, thats wat i did recently b4 shooting myself, i figured i needed a clear mind to make such a serious decision, also knew i had nothing 2 lose if it didnt change my mind cuz all i had 2 do is kill myself when i got out if i still wanted 2. good thing i checked in it helped alot, this time my life was changed n im glad i didnt kill myself, i now have purpose n capability. it was a difficult struggle but i remember the night everything changed, febuary 2nd. anyway i dont really hav any more advice 4 u, just whatv u got 2 lose?
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I dont want to have a better/good life, I just want to be dead.
 
ya i did 2, i knew it was impossible to change as iv felt that way all my life, ive been abused, hurt, lost my son, n even torturedlong story im not getting in2) now i hav ptsd, but its relatively under control. i had a bone 2 pick with god, and an argument with god for days, mayb even over a week, i ended up puttn shit aside n sayn well fuck it, im 1 a ur souljas n i have love n loyalty n imma die as 1 a ur souljas. look he stepped in n changed my entire life that night. now i feel freed, goody mainly happy, im stronger n more energy. everything is different, i have a purpose, potential n ability. im a writer n im gunna publish in time, i sold a bit already, the impossible happened. and i know its selfish in a way, but if u die 2nite, we may miss out on a very important impact in peoples lives, that helps them. im thinking theres sumthing u got n havnt discovered it yet, and damn ur in college? i never even went, wish i could have, ur already 1 step ahead of the game
 
7ca5p, how are things holding up? I know you're in a dark place right now but I'm hoping you will wait it out and find some more hope. I know that feeling of not even wanting to feel better. Try to find someone to discuss your feelings with, if that's not possible, there's no harm in posting here about what's going on in your life, how you feel about it and what the future may bring.

I often felt that I deserved to die, for being a bad person, inadequate, disappointment whatever but this is how I thought others viewed me. Ultimately, you need to live for yourself. You deserve a chance at life and to show others that you are strong enough to live through all the pain.

I hope that someday we can read about your success story. It makes me so sad to hear about others experiencing this kind of pain, if you can make it through then maybe there's a hope that I will too. I wish you the best of luck, please post here if you feel desperate, there are many people around here that will do their best to help you. If nothing else, everyone on this forum will be rooting for you to succeed.
 
Just know you're not alone, I'm just like you waiting for that fatal overdose that never seems to come.
 
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