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Walking down the same road every 3-4 days

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FastRaceCarGuy

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 8, 2013
Messages
127
Location
Texas
Every time I get my hands on the precious Oxy. I tell myself, "this will be the last supper!, will enjoy this and thats that" I do it, I have a positive outlook for 2-4 days as im going thru hell PAWS. for some reason after the aches stop and my body gets back to normal that 3-4th day I start to seek it again. This is my secret that no one knows about, I am trying to quit on my own and I have the motivation and reasons the quit. Problem is I know im strong enough when I can fight off the paws, Im sure I can fight off the cravings? But how? anyone else feel this way?
 
Keep yourself stimulated. You're not doing anything to consume that time that you're using with drugs.
 
Its not even the fact that im bored. example I go hang out with my gf, totally normal life doing shit, watching shows/movies, waking up going to work. fully normal functional life, and with the help of a little xanax here and there the anxiety even goes away.. but just some how cant fight the urge to want it again.. I DO realize im heading down a dark path.. I guess there is no hope and if it continues I have no choice but to come out to everyone.. the fact that its my secret is my advantage.. gives me to capability to get whatever i want whenever i want..
 
FastRaceCarGuy said:
Its not even the fact that im bored. example I go hang out with my gf, totally normal life doing shit, watching shows/movies, waking up going to work. fully normal functional life, and with the help of a little xanax here and there the anxiety even goes away.. but just some how cant fight the urge to want it again.. I DO realize im heading down a dark path.. I guess there is no hope and if it continues I have no choice but to come out to everyone.. the fact that its my secret is my advantage.. gives me to capability to get whatever i want whenever i want..
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Sounds like you have some romantic attachments to the idea of addiction itself. No one here can understand quite like you do (or can they?)
 
See if you can do without the Xanax. Do you see any correlation between your Xanax use and your oxy use, because Xanax is known to cause drug seeking behavior. I know that with me I would be set on quitting opiates, and then 20 minutes after taking 1mg of Xanax I would go straight for my phone to call up my dealer for some oxy (or heroin depending on what was easier to get at the time).
 
Good point, Tommyboy. For me, it was DXM and not Xanax. I'd do DXM and all it would take was one single reminder of how a DXM trip strongly potentiates an opiate high, and it was all over within a matter of a few hours. I strongly believe that one of the biggest differences, maybe THE BIGGEST difference, between my relapsing in the past and my staying sober this time around, was that I recognized that pattern and actively made a decision to avoid DXM this time. At all costs. I don't care how spiritually in touch I am with the universe when I do DXM... yes, that part is a loss, but as far as I'm concerned, it leads to an inevitable relapse and that makes it just as bad as heroin.

So I definitely agree with Tommyboy. Can you maybe focus that restless energy on finding new, natural ways to cope with your anxiety? If you think you can do that, I strongly suggest going without the Xanax for a while, as that might very well be the problem.
 
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