Waiting it out

Each day is getting progressively worse in my head. I try not to think because I know my thinking is unrealistic. I create these painful scenarios in my head that are completely fucked up but I believe them nonetheless.

My friend wants to hang out and fuck tomorrow. Depending on my mental state, I might. The thing is that I have strong feelings towards her. Too strong to just be 'fuck buddies'. I haven't seen her in a while and I think I may keep it that way.

Have you ever just looked at someone you love and feel pain? I'm already hurting and don't want to add more to it. I see myself sabotaging this 'relationship' even though it would hurt me tremendously.

A day at a time they say. Yeah, its real easy to say but nearly impossible to do. Fuck Narcotics Anonymous.
 
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