Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
I'm sorry to hear about how you feel. With time things will get better though. Just try to focus on the good parts of life. 
-
The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines Bereavement Mindfulness Suicide Support Anger Management -
TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android
Very suicidal, just got busted.
- Thread starter Pineappleexpress42
- Start date
xxsicknessxx
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 26, 2008
- Messages
- 1,014
if you quit for anyone but your self your bound to go back to the drugs and drinking so don't bother. Just my opinion. Even though I believe in ADD I don't believe that everyone who has it needs drugs. I mean they said I had it as a kid and I was hyper but now being older im not hyper at all in fact I wouldn't mind some Add meds so I could be hyper, I hate feeling groggy all the time it bites. If your hyper and taking Adrell to slow you down shit get off it and use your ADD to your advantage along time ago when I was younger year and years ago I had a phase where I was hyper sober (I think it was the first time I got sober) And it was great... but thats long past dunno maybe im just getitng old.... but anyway
If your hyper and shit.. take advantage you might miss it if its gone some day sounds silly but im being serious. If your on drugs, and can't quit on your own... Ask for help while its there for offer.. some day your friends family may not be there to help once they watched you abuse drugs for to long... so take advantage of what you can while you got it... one day *[poof]*
If your hyper and shit.. take advantage you might miss it if its gone some day sounds silly but im being serious. If your on drugs, and can't quit on your own... Ask for help while its there for offer.. some day your friends family may not be there to help once they watched you abuse drugs for to long... so take advantage of what you can while you got it... one day *[poof]*
Hey Pine,
O.K., I am a lurker and have been on BL for years now, this, however, is my first post. Something called me to the site tonight, (or this morning I should say,) and I feel now that call was you. I am just south of 50 years old and have been getting high since I was 9 years old--thats a long time. I have, over the course of these last four decades, been pronounced clinically dead 4 times, quite honestly. Why do I mention that? Read on...I recall being 19 and in a church service, it was then that a woman "layed hands on me." I was maybe the 8th guy she had touched, and while all those before me fell unconcious at her feet, I did not. I did feel a sort of headrush when she "touched" me (striking my brow roughly with her open palms,) and I began to get dizzy, at which point my head cleared and she passed out. She awoke with a gasp and said I would, someday, do great things for God. I was surprised and did not even think to press her for details. Now, I am hardly religious, but very, very spiritual. I am a pagan and recognize the Norse pantheon, I also read Runes and have always felt a solid connection to the supernatural. I will be 50 in two years, and, as I said, i have died on four seperate occassions, once from drugs. I can honestly say that drugs took their toll on my life. Having left us before my second birthday, I never knew my father. M mother raised my two older brothers and myself. Though they are dead now, I have a beautiful wife and a 14 year old son. I have spent the last four years writing a book, and in his book the main character, a fifteen year old boy who is quite unpopular, contemplates suicide on occasion, what stops him is knowing that life can never get better if he is dead, only alive and well will he ever know if things get better, and they do get better for him, much better. Of course this is just a story Ive made up, but Ill bet that out there somewhere are a great many people who chose life and went on to do great things. Something tells me great things lie ahead for you, but you have to be alive to live them. I dont know what your destiny is, I only know I felt something strange pull me out to Bluelight tonight, I believe so that I could tell you this. I will end by saying that I have been battling a Heroine addiction for almost 30 years. I have been off and on so many times Ive lost count, and while doing the H Ive also done a number of side drugs. You name it, Ive done it. My wife, God bless her, does not take drugs and completely flipped out the first time I confessed my habit to her. I could have kept it hidden, but I felt to guilty. We have been married 18 years, and I dont tell when I relapse, and I do relapse fairly often, but I have learned to live with it, because I cant do anything dead, and I honestly feel that I have good things to contribute even though I am far from perfect. You too, are far from perfect. So is your Mom and all your relatives, so dont be so hard on yourself. Drugs are bad, but much worse proclivities exist in the realm of human existance, much worse. After all, your habit is your own, which is to say its a victimless crime, so to speak. Now, I'm no therapist but I do have common sense, and again using that common sense, you will never contribute to anyone of anything if you are not around. The fact that you harbor such guilt speaks to your integrity, it says that your a good person, you just happen to enjoy getting high...well, honestly, join the club. Be cool, and dont go until youve had a chance to change your world. Your time will come one day, that is for sure, until then, live your life and dont tell your mom you get high, and if she asks, just kiss her cheek and say "NO WAY!"
R
O.K., I am a lurker and have been on BL for years now, this, however, is my first post. Something called me to the site tonight, (or this morning I should say,) and I feel now that call was you. I am just south of 50 years old and have been getting high since I was 9 years old--thats a long time. I have, over the course of these last four decades, been pronounced clinically dead 4 times, quite honestly. Why do I mention that? Read on...I recall being 19 and in a church service, it was then that a woman "layed hands on me." I was maybe the 8th guy she had touched, and while all those before me fell unconcious at her feet, I did not. I did feel a sort of headrush when she "touched" me (striking my brow roughly with her open palms,) and I began to get dizzy, at which point my head cleared and she passed out. She awoke with a gasp and said I would, someday, do great things for God. I was surprised and did not even think to press her for details. Now, I am hardly religious, but very, very spiritual. I am a pagan and recognize the Norse pantheon, I also read Runes and have always felt a solid connection to the supernatural. I will be 50 in two years, and, as I said, i have died on four seperate occassions, once from drugs. I can honestly say that drugs took their toll on my life. Having left us before my second birthday, I never knew my father. M mother raised my two older brothers and myself. Though they are dead now, I have a beautiful wife and a 14 year old son. I have spent the last four years writing a book, and in his book the main character, a fifteen year old boy who is quite unpopular, contemplates suicide on occasion, what stops him is knowing that life can never get better if he is dead, only alive and well will he ever know if things get better, and they do get better for him, much better. Of course this is just a story Ive made up, but Ill bet that out there somewhere are a great many people who chose life and went on to do great things. Something tells me great things lie ahead for you, but you have to be alive to live them. I dont know what your destiny is, I only know I felt something strange pull me out to Bluelight tonight, I believe so that I could tell you this. I will end by saying that I have been battling a Heroine addiction for almost 30 years. I have been off and on so many times Ive lost count, and while doing the H Ive also done a number of side drugs. You name it, Ive done it. My wife, God bless her, does not take drugs and completely flipped out the first time I confessed my habit to her. I could have kept it hidden, but I felt to guilty. We have been married 18 years, and I dont tell when I relapse, and I do relapse fairly often, but I have learned to live with it, because I cant do anything dead, and I honestly feel that I have good things to contribute even though I am far from perfect. You too, are far from perfect. So is your Mom and all your relatives, so dont be so hard on yourself. Drugs are bad, but much worse proclivities exist in the realm of human existance, much worse. After all, your habit is your own, which is to say its a victimless crime, so to speak. Now, I'm no therapist but I do have common sense, and again using that common sense, you will never contribute to anyone of anything if you are not around. The fact that you harbor such guilt speaks to your integrity, it says that your a good person, you just happen to enjoy getting high...well, honestly, join the club. Be cool, and dont go until youve had a chance to change your world. Your time will come one day, that is for sure, until then, live your life and dont tell your mom you get high, and if she asks, just kiss her cheek and say "NO WAY!"
R
Pagey
Bluelight Crew
I'm sure no one hates you as much as you think. In fact, I'm sure your family doesn't hate you AT ALL. When some of my close friends, and I mean people I was VERY close to, found out about my drug use they were quite frankly awful to me because they didn't understand. I thought they hated me too and that I was all alone, which just exacerbated my feelings of worthlessness and my need to off myself. We talked about it a few months later after many things had happened and they weer shocked to hear I thought that of them. Your family doesn't hate you for your drug use. They hate the drugs, maybe. They might hate what drugs have done to you. They don't hate YOU.
Now - get off those. You're taking downers, downers make you depressed, it's common. They're doing everything BUT help your depression. I'm 200% sure i'd never have actually carried out the suicide act had I not been on 7 or 8 mg of xanax a day for the past few months. You'll feel so much better and such a weight will be lifted off your shoulders when you get off those. If you feel like you're not even addicted to a specific drug, that's better, just get out now, immediately, before you are. Oh and be careful if youre withdrawing from high doses of benzos, do NOT quit cold turkey, that's what I did and I got two seizures. Best of luck to you and don't be so hard on yourself.
Now - get off those. You're taking downers, downers make you depressed, it's common. They're doing everything BUT help your depression. I'm 200% sure i'd never have actually carried out the suicide act had I not been on 7 or 8 mg of xanax a day for the past few months. You'll feel so much better and such a weight will be lifted off your shoulders when you get off those. If you feel like you're not even addicted to a specific drug, that's better, just get out now, immediately, before you are. Oh and be careful if youre withdrawing from high doses of benzos, do NOT quit cold turkey, that's what I did and I got two seizures. Best of luck to you and don't be so hard on yourself.