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VERY Little Energy/Motivation After Getting Sober...

bickoma

bickoma

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 2, 2005
Messages
625
Hey!

I'll cut to the chase: when I'm on my rx klonopin, I have plenty of energy/motivation and I get shit done.

Without benzos, I feel DYSFUNCTIONAL... it's hard for me to get out of bed, it's hard for me to answer the phone... response to emails, etc.

I've been clean from heroin for just over 60 days now after IV'ing for ~5 years (oc/d's/h/etc.)

I know we aren't doctors, but I wanted to produce a list for the other people that are coming into living "sober" (or, MORE clean lol) and experiencing similar problems:

For example:

Vitamin B12 supp/shots (havent tried yet)
Tegratol (taking for mania)
Remron (taking for sleep, which is helping me, but causing me to sleep WAY too much)
Klonopin (fixes my symptoms, but i do NOT want to become cross-addicted to benzos!)
Gabapentin (same as Klonopin - works for a bit, then no longer works its magic)
Soma (just like Gabapentin, but with way faster tolerance building)
Suboxone (gets me too high, i feel like it would just bring me back to IV heroin)

I just need some anxiety relief and I'm not sure where to turn next. It's hard for me to even motivate myself to do 20 pushups, let alone get started on work.

What are you other people in recovery doing to maintain "energy" now that our crutch of living has been removed?

-b
 
After quitting benzos, when one has become physically dependant on them, there will be some damage and worsened anxiety. Benzodiazepines can cause brain damage and excess glutamate release as well as down regulated GABA receptors will cause increased stress and anxiety. GABA's function is to supress mental activity regulating the amount of panic one experiences. GABAergic drugs increase this many times artificially and the reason behind their use seems logical but they should be used as a last resort for anxiety as they do cause worsened problems after cessation of use if one becomes dependant on them.

This increased anxiety or low motivation is from PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome) and after benzodiazepines it could take 6 months to a year to get past this stage. It will be a struggle but you can do it. The racetams have helped people through this stage. They are nootropic smart drugs incase you haven't heard of them. Aniracetam's metabolite actually works on the GABA receptors and doesn't seem to cause any damage. It can increase motivation, concentration, energy, memory and act as an anxiolytic. It needs to be taken with a fat and a choline source so milk and eggs can help or use soy lecithin as a source of choline. Coluracetam is relatively new but it is being trialed as an anxiolytic/antidepressant and provides benefits as far as motivation and energy as well. I dunno, I am about to start a regimen with these as I am trying to quit drugs and am struggling with the same thing so perhaps it could benefit you as well.
 
I relate 110%. Everything is horrible without benzos. I had been pushing myself to work out, but today it's not happening. I completely shut down without benzos and I can't function. I don't want to talk to people or do anything at all. I stop taking care of myself. I ran out of my stash so I'm screwed right now. I just sit around and watch TV, noises and people bother me. I hate people so much when I'm not on anything. They irritate me. They are a nuisance. All they are is noise to me, something I want to get away from and get rid of. I feel like a failure and disappointment because I isolate myself and I think people think I'm lazy. That's the thing, no matter how shitty you feel, if you're not being productive because you don't feel well, people just look at you like you're lazy or you don't matter. Alcohol takes the edge off when it gets really bad.

A shower always helps and a cup of coffee. I just haven't done it yet today. After a shower, at least there's motivation to keep moving and do other stuff like go for a walk. I hope you feel better! I don't know how to get completely away from the benzo cycle. When you feel so lifeless off of it, it only makes you want to go back on it.
 
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given that it is hard to get anything done, how are you filling the time? Surfing the internet, binge watching movies and video games can become a crutch in situations like this and in more severe cases just kinda laying down and letting time pass. Also common for people go through the motions of activities they should be doing desperately holding on in a sense of engagement but realistically accomplishing little, or distractedly going from one thing to another without making progress.

Been there and feel for you, that really is no fun. I had a bit of luck making changes within the habits, changes you can actually implement and that are gradual. It may be instead of binge watching movies you add documentaries or other things with educational value. Use a timer to limit those activities, etc, etc. in other words, work from within the cocoon outward to make gradual changes instead of tormenting yourself too much with what you should be doing. Get back into journey consciousness instead of destination consciousness. Spend a little time acknowledging where you're at and making incremental changes and setting some limits. It's kinda like chopping at a tree, it might seem like nothing is happening at first, but eventually the whole tree falls and you move forward. While your brain chemistry is altered by PAWS, you kinda want to keep yourself from becoming too hypnotized by any one thing and breaking down your trust in yourself more than is compassionate. Time heals it but you can prolong it by creating new stubborn patterns. Give yourself credit every time you get something done. This'll pass.
 
This PAWS from benzo withdrawal is the worst! I haven't done anything since I last posted in this thread.

My brain is frozen. I can't function or make decisions. I feel so stupid! I am glad the pharmacy will be able to deliver my klonopin tomorrow. When I take that, it will help me get moving at least.

I don't think I'll ever be able to get off benzos completely because of PAWS. When you can't even think for yourself anymore, it makes you more insecure than ever and you question EVERYTHING!
 
i am not coming off benzos but i do have major insomnia now that i am sober and anxiety-riddled. what helps me the most is exercise. it both calms me down and energizes me at the same time. whether it's a bike ride or a jog or whatever form you prefer.
 
I went from 10mg a day of xanax coupled with ~90mg of temazepam a day. I still take benzos, however I do it on a PRN basis. I took them originally because I get severely bad intrusive thoughts from the OCD, and the Panic Disorder has me on edge so much. I can tell you this, there comes a time that they really stop working and only return you to your regular anxious baseline. What worked for me is working out a very realistic taper plan with my GP (he is very understanding) and sticking too it. Yes I still feel quite strange some of the time but it gets better with time. One good thing about tapering off the daily dosages is that the xanax now works if I am having a panic attack, and my memory (which has been severely damaged due to a few benzo and heroin ods) is returning to normal. I used to have to keep a board on my wall with sticky notes that had three collums; Needed task, current task, and completed tasks. I had sticky notes for even the most mundane things (take a shower, call doctor, sort laundry, vacuum room) because I would completely forget that I had to do those things. I make this promise to you though: It will get better with time. You are on a cusp now that on one side you can do as I have done which is quit daily benzos and just take them when you really need them....or go back to taking them daily and keep experiencing this type of problem (and also raising your tolerance and lowering the efficacy of the medications). I am not going to lie to you. What I did was extremely difficult, and yes I did feel quite strange and out of control emotionally for a couple weeks, but on the flipside my brain is getting better.

I needed to couple with my cessation of daily benzo use with seeing a talk therapist that helped me learn different ways to cope with my anxiety and paranoid thoughts. This is a hard endeavor and requires a lot of work, but in the long run it will take you out of the situation of constantly needing benzos. I now only take .5m-1mg of xanax when I am having extremely bad intrusive thoughts that I cannot handle that I know are going to turn into a panic attack, or an emotional breakdown. (I have been to the psychward frequently for mental breakdowns, and I am wishing on a star that I never need return there.)

This is just my story with benzos. It may not be right for you, however it was right for me. With this site I find hearing other peoples experiences helps me to learn more about my own.

Feel free to PM me.
 
I'm glad you were able to taper down! Thank you for sharing your story. I didn't have this problem just taking Klonopin as needed. My problem is from binging on benzos that make me feel incredible, but being off of them for a week or more brings on PAWS and my whole life falls apart. All of the accomplishments while binging on benzos doesn't pay off in the end if I can't keep up with my life when I don't have them for a week or more.

There has to be a decision to either stop binging or force myself to stop taking that particular benzo that makes me want to binge and suffer through PAWS. This is not the same as suffering through physical withdrawal and setting yourself up for seizures and possible death. If anyone is on a high amount every single day, please taper down slowly or get help. Benzo withdrawal can cause death. You can't just go cold turkey. I'm out of the woods with physical withdrawal. I think that's because I took a small dose of phenibut daily (and kratom sometimes) when I ran out of my stash. The phenibut especially must have helped since it works on GABA receptors too. I'm done with phenibut now since it got me over the hump and out of danger. It's all mental right now and I don't ever want to go to the psych ward either. That has only made things worst before.

It's a good idea to make a list of things that need to be done. PAWS makes you want to forget everything including your own name and you just want to lie around all day while the world crumbles down. This won't stop until I start making the right decisions.
 
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bickoma said:
I just need some anxiety relief and I'm not sure where to turn next.
Click to expand...

I'm a fan of valerian tea, it's relaxing, and can help with sleep. It's natural and not strong enough to be habit forming in my experience, very mild and gentle.

Aside from stuff like that, do you have a support network? A way to blow off steam, or relax and enjoy yourself a little with TV/movies, etc?
 
I had the same problem. I was a severe alcoholic for 6 years. I was drinking a pint and a half of whisky daily with a couple beers daily..

Once I decided enough was enough- I took Klonopin and Xanax for withdrawals for the first week. Then he prescribed me Neurontin(gabapentin) which helped a lot. Then I quit taking that as well....

I had no energy, no motivation, no desire to do anything.. I was basically chronically depressed.

Then I came across a blessing..... Velvet Bean Extract (L-Dopa Extract 99%) As we know L-dopa is a precursor to Dopamine. Within a week of taking 1600mg of the 99% purity L-Dopa I felt more clear headed.

L-Dopa will not only help with mood, but it will also help with focus and motivation.
But overall, EXERCISE IS THE ANSWER.. It releases endorphins (feel good chemical) and will boost your confidence and generally make you happy and feel good. A simple walk, jog, bike ride, ect can do wonders for the mood.

That was 3 years ago...... I've been sober since... Not a single slip up. Unless you consider steroids (performance enhancing drugs) but i'm still sober on them lol they just help me build muscle mass.. I ended up going from an alcoholic who would sit on the couch and get trashed by myself to a fitness/gym freak who now manages 2 seperate popular gyms in my city :) Just keep your head up- if I can do it then anybody can.
 
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Have you considered Vistaril as an alternative to benzos?
I still take benzos myself and don't see a problem with it as long as I'm communicating fully with my doctor. I had anxiety before I had a drinking problem and I still do and keeping my anxiety in check keeps me from drinking.
Have you considered an antideppressant?
 
I don't know if you're talking to me, but I am so over antidepressants. I've been dealing with those for decades and they don't work. I have treatment resistant depression. Maybe I'll try Latuda one day since I'm bipolar.

Doctors are hesitant and very afraid to prescribe an MAOI because there are many different food interactions and even interactions with OTC medicine. It can be deadly. Years ago, I was able to try 2 different MAOIs: Nardil and Parnate. I watched my diet and was careful. Those drugs worked AMAZINGLY well! I was outgoing and living life to the fullest. The MAOIs "pooped out" and I was so sad because I was back to being miserable and hating life.

Fast forward years later and I found Etizolam. It gave me that same carefree feeling and made me want to go out and live just like the MAOI did. That's why I don't want to stop it. I just need to control how much I take. Life is soooo much better with it.

I've never heard of Vistaril, I'll look into it.
 
I'm bipolar and I like a lowdose of depakote. A highdose knocked me out but when I had it lowered the world was sunshine and butterflies. But not in a fake way.
 
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