Harambulus
Greenlighter
I used to get really pissed of with my lack of results and just take drugs and end up jerking off for 10 hours then feel like shit after. in hindsight i think a large part of my post drug depression was that i just wasted my time.
I am in a skilled area which is so fucking difficult and frustrating that i make hardly any noticeable progress and it only seems to be getting more difficult. I know exactly what i have to do but the constant failure only makes me more and more angry. People always tell me to just try harder but these are fuckers are eitehr ones who dont take action themselves and sit on the fence offering judgement or those who've had lucky breaks and like to attribute all their success to themselves and how 'tough' they are. I literally feel i have no willpower left to spend like a sick mangy dog kicked into submission and then kicked some more for the sadistic fun of it. Ive tried lowering the bar for success but i dont see how i could make it any easier and im still failing miserably at it.
It is maddeningly frustrating and the main problem is that im so bitter about my lack of results that it only sullies my motivation so im less and less inclined to take action.
The main reason ive been reluctant to use substances for performance enhancement in the past is because i didnt want it to end up being something i relied on as i thought that if it turns out successful then maybe the positive feedback loop would make it a bad habit.
Anyone had success at using strictly to improve performance while keeping a lid on the beast of abuse and keeping the beast in the cage?
My rational for using a performance enhancer would be that im currently angry and bitter because of my lack of results so if i use something as a crutch to blast me to a new level then i can just lose the crutch after and enjoy the fruits of my labour- in the true sense of a crutch once it did its job you get rid of it but at the time its instrumental in allowing you to get walking again.
Ive been trying to hold out as long as i feel i can saying 'let me see how i do this week' and then another day and another but there seems to be no break in the clouds at all.
I am in a skilled area which is so fucking difficult and frustrating that i make hardly any noticeable progress and it only seems to be getting more difficult. I know exactly what i have to do but the constant failure only makes me more and more angry. People always tell me to just try harder but these are fuckers are eitehr ones who dont take action themselves and sit on the fence offering judgement or those who've had lucky breaks and like to attribute all their success to themselves and how 'tough' they are. I literally feel i have no willpower left to spend like a sick mangy dog kicked into submission and then kicked some more for the sadistic fun of it. Ive tried lowering the bar for success but i dont see how i could make it any easier and im still failing miserably at it.
It is maddeningly frustrating and the main problem is that im so bitter about my lack of results that it only sullies my motivation so im less and less inclined to take action.
The main reason ive been reluctant to use substances for performance enhancement in the past is because i didnt want it to end up being something i relied on as i thought that if it turns out successful then maybe the positive feedback loop would make it a bad habit.
Anyone had success at using strictly to improve performance while keeping a lid on the beast of abuse and keeping the beast in the cage?
My rational for using a performance enhancer would be that im currently angry and bitter because of my lack of results so if i use something as a crutch to blast me to a new level then i can just lose the crutch after and enjoy the fruits of my labour- in the true sense of a crutch once it did its job you get rid of it but at the time its instrumental in allowing you to get walking again.
Ive been trying to hold out as long as i feel i can saying 'let me see how i do this week' and then another day and another but there seems to be no break in the clouds at all.