Here I am again...the old familiar sting. My dealer went away for 3 weeks so I bought enough to last me ...or so I thought. Turns out he sold me coke mixed with Fent (or some.other upper it doesn't really matter ). Yeah merry Christmas right? Hahaha So my whole life has been a mess this week and it took a whole week for me to figure it out since the stuff looked normal and I thought I was having a psychotic break...no! Here I am and I am not sick since I have methadone in my system and really this just enforces what I wrote on Friday- I am done with this merry go round. I "use" so I won't feel sick but if using makes me sick than what the hell am I doing? At least I am not completely depressed as I was in my previous posts (again due to being on methadone for 6 years). Now if only I could get more than 2 hours sleep I think I can do this... I know how pretentious it seems to assume anyone would read this post but this is the only place I can share my true story with. That is the thing about addiction it is a lonely mistress... I'm on my way to the clinic I could really use some positive thoughts/prayers/ anything...ok so I guess I am a little more depressed than I thought...Happy Holidays!
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Used Heroin and Fentanyl and Getting back on SUBS
- Thread starter JDGRAMZ
- Start date
The problem is once you tell someone they usually give you a second chance and sometimes a third but addiction doesn't care how many chances you had! I wish I didn't have to hide behind an anonymous server... I have been very "successful" (not bragging I just have been by the sheerest of possibilities and the family support I have had) if I told anyone I would lose everything... It is 2025. And I still have to suffer in silence WTH!! I just pray my kids will never go down this road.... I'm done posting for now....thanks for reading!
I thought I might pop in a few technical bits that may be of value to you.
I've posted this elsewhere but fentanyl itself it classed as a SUPERagonist. It appears HR agencies aren't even aware of this fact but it means that even classical agonists such as methadone might not entirely stop AWS. But it might be the case that prescribing methadone (or similar) for a few weeks before swapping to buprenorphine might lessen the symptoms.
To be clear, superagonist doesn't automatically mean 'superpotent' and it appears that both tapentadol and tianeptine may also be superagonists. I have noted the few people who have posted about these latter two medicines have noted that for their potency, they appear to produce a particularly unpleasant AWS.
The other point is that long ago I read the original 1969 paper in which the discoverers of buprenorphine mused on it's potential to treat opioid dependence. But the way they considered using it was JUST to reduce the AWS. As a stepping stone and something prescribed for a couple of weeks.
I have noted that many people seem to end up being 'parked' on buprenorphine.
I will conclude by noting that it doesn't matter how many setbacks you have. Setbacks are more common than people just stopping first time. So don't beat yourself up about it. If you want to quit, you will quit.
I've posted this elsewhere but fentanyl itself it classed as a SUPERagonist. It appears HR agencies aren't even aware of this fact but it means that even classical agonists such as methadone might not entirely stop AWS. But it might be the case that prescribing methadone (or similar) for a few weeks before swapping to buprenorphine might lessen the symptoms.
To be clear, superagonist doesn't automatically mean 'superpotent' and it appears that both tapentadol and tianeptine may also be superagonists. I have noted the few people who have posted about these latter two medicines have noted that for their potency, they appear to produce a particularly unpleasant AWS.
The other point is that long ago I read the original 1969 paper in which the discoverers of buprenorphine mused on it's potential to treat opioid dependence. But the way they considered using it was JUST to reduce the AWS. As a stepping stone and something prescribed for a couple of weeks.
I have noted that many people seem to end up being 'parked' on buprenorphine.
I will conclude by noting that it doesn't matter how many setbacks you have. Setbacks are more common than people just stopping first time. So don't beat yourself up about it. If you want to quit, you will quit.
Well, keep us updated. even just cutting down on dose and or frequency of fentanyl consumption is a positive step.
Believe me, I know how hard it is. Not with opioids, but I've gone through two massive benzo habits (first 24mg clonazapam a day, later an astonishing 240mg of diclazepam a day and how did I get there? Drinking 2 bottles of gin a day for 12 months).
I kept a diary. 25 years later, I still cannot read that diary.
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Thank you again 3D! I'm feeling a bit better now... though my mind is still racing. Honestly I had a brief addiction to benzos but that withdrawal was even worse than opiates if that is even possible! Can I ask how long did it take you to start feeling somewhat normal again? Also what brought you to the point where you decided to quit? Thanks again for responding to my post - addiction can be so lonely!
It IS lonely, and desperate, and scary, and depressing.
It took me a year to feel 'somewhat normal' constantly. I mean for multiple hours or even days. But I began experiencing shorter periods of feeling normal much sooner and learnt not to analyse it. Just accept it.
I stopped for the simplest reason - I could no longer keep going without ending up in prison, a mental hospital or a grave.
BTW alcohol is even worse than benzos IMO.
It took me a year to feel 'somewhat normal' constantly. I mean for multiple hours or even days. But I began experiencing shorter periods of feeling normal much sooner and learnt not to analyse it. Just accept it.
I stopped for the simplest reason - I could no longer keep going without ending up in prison, a mental hospital or a grave.
BTW alcohol is even worse than benzos IMO.