Hi hi hi,
Well I have managed to stay off meth this week, been seven days since I last touched it.
Has not been easy but its goddamn worth it thats all I can say.
I am possibly the grumpiest bitch in the whole world right now, touchy as fuck, barely moved from my pig-sty of a house.
Feels good not to rely on shit to live anymore.
I'm still hopelessly wishing I could live the life I've lead over the past six & a half yrs, but I've come to terms with that I don't even have a decision, do or die.
The physical symptoms of w.d have lessened to an extent, mental still a pain in the azzzz.
Never thought I could abstain for this amount of time, and hell I've done it, and I'm pretty damn proud in my own little way.
Not there yet. The temptation still bites at my ankles. Even in my shit days (pretty much constant past 2 or so weeks) I feel better than before, better than a chemical, fake happiness.
I made a list of reasons why I want to quit & stuck it on my fridge to remind me WHY I want to quit. For anyone trying to get off a drug addiction, I highly advise this.
These are *some* of them;
1. To be healthy. If I kept using the way I was..I was leading myself to a certain death within the next few years. No thanks.
2. Save all that money so I can live my life comfortably. Travel the world. Shoe shopping here I come
3. To patch things up with my mother/extended family. To say the least, my mother is highly displeased with me and prefers I keep my distance. This hurts like hell, I want her to say she is proud of me. I want my relatives to no longer think of me as a "junkie failure".
4. Make my father proud up there in the heavens. It was this reason why he fell apart, & I want to amend things. Although it tears me apart that he can't be here to comfort me and help me, this is the least I can do for my dad.
5. Prove that I can to myself! I always doubt myself. Meth made me the person I wanted to be. Confident & Happy. I want to be that person sober. I turned to meth to help with my self-consciousness, it helped temporarily but it ruined me.
7. BE HAPPY IN KNOWING I'M DOING THE BEST FOR MYSELF. Although I want to make my mother proud, I need to do this for myself and nobody else.
To anyone who reads this & is battling addiction, doubting themselves. I did to, I denied to myself I even had a problem for 5 years. You can do it
We don't need drugs. Nobody does.
Recreational use is fine but keep it to that, drug addiction spirals out of control faster than you can say 'how the fuck did I end up here'.
Respect drugs, don't mess around with em.
You do the drugs, the drugs don't do you.
Stay safe, happy and healthy ya'll
Well I have managed to stay off meth this week, been seven days since I last touched it.
Has not been easy but its goddamn worth it thats all I can say.
I am possibly the grumpiest bitch in the whole world right now, touchy as fuck, barely moved from my pig-sty of a house.
Feels good not to rely on shit to live anymore.
I'm still hopelessly wishing I could live the life I've lead over the past six & a half yrs, but I've come to terms with that I don't even have a decision, do or die.
The physical symptoms of w.d have lessened to an extent, mental still a pain in the azzzz.
Never thought I could abstain for this amount of time, and hell I've done it, and I'm pretty damn proud in my own little way.
Not there yet. The temptation still bites at my ankles. Even in my shit days (pretty much constant past 2 or so weeks) I feel better than before, better than a chemical, fake happiness.
I made a list of reasons why I want to quit & stuck it on my fridge to remind me WHY I want to quit. For anyone trying to get off a drug addiction, I highly advise this.
These are *some* of them;
1. To be healthy. If I kept using the way I was..I was leading myself to a certain death within the next few years. No thanks.
2. Save all that money so I can live my life comfortably. Travel the world. Shoe shopping here I come
3. To patch things up with my mother/extended family. To say the least, my mother is highly displeased with me and prefers I keep my distance. This hurts like hell, I want her to say she is proud of me. I want my relatives to no longer think of me as a "junkie failure".
4. Make my father proud up there in the heavens. It was this reason why he fell apart, & I want to amend things. Although it tears me apart that he can't be here to comfort me and help me, this is the least I can do for my dad.
5. Prove that I can to myself! I always doubt myself. Meth made me the person I wanted to be. Confident & Happy. I want to be that person sober. I turned to meth to help with my self-consciousness, it helped temporarily but it ruined me.
7. BE HAPPY IN KNOWING I'M DOING THE BEST FOR MYSELF. Although I want to make my mother proud, I need to do this for myself and nobody else.
To anyone who reads this & is battling addiction, doubting themselves. I did to, I denied to myself I even had a problem for 5 years. You can do it
We don't need drugs. Nobody does.
Recreational use is fine but keep it to that, drug addiction spirals out of control faster than you can say 'how the fuck did I end up here'.
Respect drugs, don't mess around with em.
You do the drugs, the drugs don't do you.
Stay safe, happy and healthy ya'll
