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Mellabopper

Mellabopper

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 16, 2000
Messages
3,811
Location
Boston
Over a year has passed.
I recalled my history
and realized
not much has changed.
I read my own words
that sound so needy
so hurt
and almost pathetic.
I wore my heart on my sleeve.
But what hurts me the most
is that nothing has changed.
I'm still falling for the guys
That I can only have
for such a short time.
And when I fall,
I fall hard.
I don't give myself enough credit.
I still have trouble convincing myself I'm beautiful.
I've learned to take compliments,
but actually believe them,
I'm still working on that.
I always try to learn from my past.
Some situations have made me stronger
But why is it the ones I want to change,
the ones where I fall too hard and get hurt,
where I never think things will work out,
where I have no faith anymore -
why can't I learn from those?
Why can't I just accept the fact
that maybe someone likes me?
It isn't in me.
I wasn't raised that way
My childhood wasn't filled with romance
or being adored
I was always the one crushing
and soon after being crushed to pieces.
You'd think I would have learned by now
Yeah, I would think so also,
unfortunately,
I haven't.
3-20-02
Mellabopper
 
I am so picking up, everything you are putting down today!
I always fall for the ones who don't want me,
and even though those stupid signs are there,
I pretend to ignore them hoping that they will go away......only to be left feeling like there was something wrong with me,
and after this last fuck up, I keep saying to myself.........why?
I would do anything to please you, even if I'm not pleasing myself.
Hang in there gurl, even though I can't do this,
my motto is still USE AND ABUSE
 
awww....mella
i can feel the raw emotion flowing through every word you have written, i understand the way it would have been written in.... i just wish i was there to give you a big hug and the advice i give myself when i fall down
"fark them all, get them back through success"
 
Mella change is a funny afair.you can want it and strive for it and need it with all your soul....and it wont come, but then one day youll look back and go "shit!, Ive changed so much and I was so busy that I didnt even notice!" itll come of itself and by itself, and itll come when its ready,so dont stress, if you have trouble making relationships work be by yourself for a while, its no big deal.if you have trouble beleiving that youre beautiful then I have an exercise for you, for eight days I want you to tell yourself the opposite of everything you normally tell yourself. tell yourself youre beautiful, that you can handle relationships, that what people tell you about yourself is true! all the bad shit you normally say to yourself, turn it round and say the opposite,lie to yourself if thats what you wish to beleive youre doing, it doesnt matter if you dont beleive what youre saying but you have to say it. for eight days. then maybe youll see that beauty or ugliness or any other description are ALL LIES!! the only truth is the being inside you, pure in every way and completely undesciribeble. :) luv ant
 
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