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untitled poem - critique welcomed

leiphos

Bluelighter
Joined
May 8, 2008
Messages
1,147
Sicker than chilled wind,
waking up under hair.
Standing sideways.

I want the stillness,
want it all
beneath eyelids.

Before what I remember...
52 degrees forgot
the name,
sunlight’s dark secret.

I want to be the moon.
I want to morph
into muscle, plant eyes
where there is ice.

I will lift
beyond skin.
 
sunlight’s dark secret

Beautiful line there :)

Overall, reads well; I will need to look at it in more depth to comprehend it, but it has a stark, shadowed feel to it. Nice :)

BTW, you should call it "sunlight’s dark secret".
 
I like the flow, very cold. imo art such as this is somewhat beyond a need for critique as there is nothing "bad" about it. it isn't trite, it doesn't annoy, it just is.
 
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