• ✍️ WORDS ✍️

    Welcome Guest!

  • Words Moderators: Shambles

Unstitching

Dastrix Slogan

Dastrix Slogan

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 2, 2002
Messages
1,701
Location
South Africa
I only came across this part of the forum today (speding too much time in the lounge!). This is my first attempt, everything I knew about formatting I have forgotton so any comments are welcome. This is basically words to an image I had in my mind a while back, hope you enjoy!

=== "Unstitching" =========


So you ask me whats wrong,
why i hide away from the world,
why i hold back, why i dont move,
day in day out all by myself.

my life is a tapestry, dark and light colours,
patterns and images, crossing, complimenting, contrasting
the unimaginable picture of my soul.

others have come, our lives have joined,
entwined into each other, we created the new, the vivid,
the birth of a million new colours.

they have since ripped away, torn off from my life,
the neat borders, the completion, just tattered edges, frayed,
weak fingers grabbing for what was once there.

fibres, once glowing veins pulsing with light,
are now ash, grey sinew, spidery parasitic strands,
eating away my most beautiful colour.

it is going to take me some time,
time to remove these threads.
i have to be gentle, tear by tear,
painful surgery with no anasthetic.

i will repair my tapestry, and recreate my pictures,
eventually,
but for now, please understand,
i need to be here by myself,
unstitching.
 
My understanding and what I get from these words will always be different to yours.

You put beautiful imagery in my mind.
Your expressionism is indescribeable, use your talent.
 
Oh Mister Man

Check it Babes, this is VERY slick. I've tried thinking about how the meaning changes drastically depending on "what kind of person" the narrator is. Perfect example- if he/she was transsexual or maybe a recovering racist. My point is that you do a very good job of defining character fluctuation with your words. So much so that by creating our own narrator we can truly feel the whole cinematic depth of your piece.
 
Thank You

Thank you for your kind words, Jungle Bunny I'm a little hazy on what you mean (not as literally adept as I used to be!), could you elaborate?
 
i liked it!

especially
fibres, once glowing veins pulsing with light,
are now ash, grey sinew, spidery parasitic strands,
eating away my most beautiful colour.
Click to expand...

yowch
 
Wow, i really love the metaphor of this piece. The sense of detail and visualization of percieving one's self as a quilt is wonderful, it's obvious this has a lot of personal meaning.

Also, congrads on your new position :)
 
Dastrix, for a first post, this has no right to be so damn well polished. ;)

Very vivid and compelling imagery, as well as being emotionally involved, fucking good work IMHO, one to be proud of. :)

-plaz out-
 
Dastrix Slogan said:
i will repair my tapestry, and recreate my pictures,
eventually,
but for now, please understand,
i need to be here by myself,
unstitching.
Click to expand...

you're such an amazing person. i love the tone. calm and seemingly non-chalant, as if you're being patient.

cheers.
 
Wow....that is a truly beautiful poem my friend, i especially love the ending. So many times ive felt the same way without sense enough to put words to it. You did it wonderfully. Keep up the good work, and i look forward to seeing more of your work.
 
Re-read

My favorite stanza was this:

they have since ripped away, torn off from my life,
the neat borders, the completion, just tattered edges, frayed,
weak fingers grabbing for what was once there.

It’s pimp in a “frustrated with being frustrated” kind of way. An though what follows next my seem lame I really appreciated the initial imagery created when I observed the title:

=== "Unstitching" =========


Pimp B, pimp, keep bang’num out da box Boo Boo. it was well worth the re-read.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top