fuzzydunlop44
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Oct 3, 2015
- Messages
- 24
Hey guys,
Long story short, after abusing Adderall for several months I went to the ER one night in December of 2012 because I thought I was having a stroke or a seizure or something. They told me it was a panic attack and prescribed me Ativan and told me to take 3 pills everyday. The doctor said nothing about how addicting and dangerous it was or any potential risks involved with long term use and I was naive so I took his advice. About three weeks later when my script ran out I remember every muscle in my body hurting and having horrible panic attacks that dwarfed the one that put me on the drug in the first place. However I still didn't get it and attributed it to my "underlying anxiety disorder".
Anyway, since then I was switched to Xanax and ultimately Klonopin which I've been on daily for the better part of three years. Eventually I did a lot of research and learned a lot about the dangers of long term benzo use and the damage it does to GABA receptors and the central nervous system. Unfortunately before learning this I allowed my prescriber to keep upping my dose and taking me on and off of SSRI's and a few mood stabilizers.
I started my own liquid microtaper in February of 2016 at 2.5 mg's and got myself down to 1.5 mg's going slowly however when I got to about 1.75 mg's all of my side effects were amplified to the point that I felt like I couldn't handle it (depersonalization/derealization, panic attacks, insomnia, agoraphobia, social anxiety, depression/ruminating thoughts, light sensitivity, fatigue, weakness, weight loss/loss of appetite) so after conferring with some people on BenzoBuddies and various Facebook groups I updosed to 2, held and eventually reinstated to 2.5. I also saw a new psychiatrist and tried a Valium crossover which failed likely because I was not given the proper equivalent dosage and I was told to substitute and not do a crossover. I switched back to the 2.5 mg's of Klonopin and any time I've tried to begin a taper of liquid again I immediately get slammed physically, emotionally and psychologically. I've also made the dumb mistake of taking 7-8 single 10 mg doses of the leftover Valium because it helps me sleep.
My life has just completely spiraled out of control. I went from not driving, not working, not going out as much to now basically being bed ridden. I'm terrified that I'm going to end up in a psych ward or something even though I know that is the last place I want to find myself. I guess I'm just very sensitive to this medication and I have no idea what to do to proceed. I'm up all night and I sleep all day and when I wake up I'm just legit afraid of facing reality. Any advice from anyone who was/is in a similar situation as me would be appreciated. I've tried talk therapy, CBT, meditation, yoga and everything natural that I can think of but I feel like there is nothing that can be done to make this more bearable. I really regret updosing but I was told that would help me stabilize and I was desperate. I simultaneously feel like a lot of people on the internet who say to taper slowly are going too slow and I don't know how they make it through such a long Hellish process with their sanity intact and others who say they are able to come off in a few weeks which after years of daily use seems straight up dangerous. Thanks.
Long story short, after abusing Adderall for several months I went to the ER one night in December of 2012 because I thought I was having a stroke or a seizure or something. They told me it was a panic attack and prescribed me Ativan and told me to take 3 pills everyday. The doctor said nothing about how addicting and dangerous it was or any potential risks involved with long term use and I was naive so I took his advice. About three weeks later when my script ran out I remember every muscle in my body hurting and having horrible panic attacks that dwarfed the one that put me on the drug in the first place. However I still didn't get it and attributed it to my "underlying anxiety disorder".
Anyway, since then I was switched to Xanax and ultimately Klonopin which I've been on daily for the better part of three years. Eventually I did a lot of research and learned a lot about the dangers of long term benzo use and the damage it does to GABA receptors and the central nervous system. Unfortunately before learning this I allowed my prescriber to keep upping my dose and taking me on and off of SSRI's and a few mood stabilizers.
I started my own liquid microtaper in February of 2016 at 2.5 mg's and got myself down to 1.5 mg's going slowly however when I got to about 1.75 mg's all of my side effects were amplified to the point that I felt like I couldn't handle it (depersonalization/derealization, panic attacks, insomnia, agoraphobia, social anxiety, depression/ruminating thoughts, light sensitivity, fatigue, weakness, weight loss/loss of appetite) so after conferring with some people on BenzoBuddies and various Facebook groups I updosed to 2, held and eventually reinstated to 2.5. I also saw a new psychiatrist and tried a Valium crossover which failed likely because I was not given the proper equivalent dosage and I was told to substitute and not do a crossover. I switched back to the 2.5 mg's of Klonopin and any time I've tried to begin a taper of liquid again I immediately get slammed physically, emotionally and psychologically. I've also made the dumb mistake of taking 7-8 single 10 mg doses of the leftover Valium because it helps me sleep.
My life has just completely spiraled out of control. I went from not driving, not working, not going out as much to now basically being bed ridden. I'm terrified that I'm going to end up in a psych ward or something even though I know that is the last place I want to find myself. I guess I'm just very sensitive to this medication and I have no idea what to do to proceed. I'm up all night and I sleep all day and when I wake up I'm just legit afraid of facing reality. Any advice from anyone who was/is in a similar situation as me would be appreciated. I've tried talk therapy, CBT, meditation, yoga and everything natural that I can think of but I feel like there is nothing that can be done to make this more bearable. I really regret updosing but I was told that would help me stabilize and I was desperate. I simultaneously feel like a lot of people on the internet who say to taper slowly are going too slow and I don't know how they make it through such a long Hellish process with their sanity intact and others who say they are able to come off in a few weeks which after years of daily use seems straight up dangerous. Thanks.
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