Martha Fernback was 15 when she died after taking what she thought was ecstasy. Next day, her mother – Anne-Marie Cockburn – began a raw and intimate diary, a unique chronicle of a mother's grief. By Joanna Moorhead
Anne-Marie Cockburn wrote the following words on 21 July 2013: "My 15-year-old daughter died yesterday. I watched them try to save her. They pumped her chest and drilled something into her leg, but I knew she was already dead on arrival at the hospital. They elevated her arms, but I don't know why: her eyes were half-open and she was way beyond the clouds and stars already."
The previous morning, a sunny Saturday, Anne-Marie was the happy mother of a healthy child. She and Martha were close, perhaps in a way only a single mother and her only daughter can be. It was just the two of them in their cosy flat in Oxford and they did everything together. Earlier that week they had been to Ikea to buy new stuff for Martha's bedroom; the following weekend, they were off to Bristol. That day, Martha went kayaking with friends on a lake across town and Anne-Marie went shopping.
