two years and twelve days.

[Shuddr2Think]

i wish i could remember
when it was that i could
identify
where the sky met the ground
that perfect place
where i was happy
and loved.
or so i thought
it seems as tho these were
better times
when things were
crystal clear
and not so grey...
times when i thought i loved you
times when i thought i loved myself.
times when i didn't think i would find myself
let alone find everything
ending
and again a simple melody
brought me back to spring nights
which you have already filed away
under things finished
and done.
loud music and crisp air
you telling me you loved my mind
and me believing it.
now its spring again
two years later
and you are changed
as much as i am
and i don't really mind the distance
or the lack of time..
just the absence of
my ideal you
being with the
ideal me
confident and self assured
and giving me
a reason to be.
for lack of better words
struggling to find meaning
i miss you.
even though i never knew
who i was
let alone
who you were
how it would end.
one big justification
of this void
therefore throwing
everything i knew
out into
these god awful
grey skies and
empty highways at 7 a.m
angry and disillusioned
if only
because of you
the songs aren't the same,
and neither am i.

 

[E-girl]

it makes me really happy that i'm the first one to get to reply to this masterpiece.
i think you and i went through something very similar, as i see in a lot of your writing. it seems like once upon a time, we both fell in love with the wrong person, and while that person is living some fantastic life without us now, we never really figured out how to fall OUT of love with them.
sometimes i wish i could. but i know that not all the friendly advice in the world could show my heart how to let go. its something that needs to happen with time. i know my biggest problem i have with justin is that i dont have any closure... its not enough for me to know that all this time has gone by and we still havent "worked things out"... part of me wants and NEEDS him to just say "it's over."
the sad thing is, he cant do it either.
so both of us stumble around in separate places; havent seen each other in 8 months... but something keeps us hanging on. its really starting to mess up my feelings for this new guy... but what can i do? if the opportunity came along, for me to have my justin back... would i take it, despite evertyhing?
i'd be a fool too. but you cant help who you love.
this person that you write so elegantly about, they are YOUR justin. they probably dont deserve the wonderful person that is you, but your heart is stuck with the memory of the person they once were... the wonderful person you fell in love with once upon a time, who was perfect in every way and promised you the world...
its ok to still write about him. and think about him. and love him. but i hope someday you find a way to let him go. you said it yourself... 2 springs have passed... for me only one has, but it feels like its been forever. you need to ask yourself... what is it that keeps you holding on?
beautiful beautiful work, my dear. thanks for being the first tear i shed this rainy morning.

 

[up all night]

awesome...

 

[5FACES]

Just so you know I never cry and right now I have tears streaming down my face. Your peice really it a place deep inside my soul that I have buried away for so long..... Wow! That was extrremely awesome, extremely......