Born in the 50s
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2018
- Messages
- 1
I feel like I've dropped into some bizarre alternate reality. First, the good news. I am 29 days sober and finally off painkillers, mostly oxycodone and fentanyl. Been abusing for about 6 years. It was really the fentanyl that almost killed me. I am a family man happily married with two grown successful kids, gainfully employed for 30 plus years. But I was reduced to a blubbering pathetic pile of goo. I took an early retirement, came into some money. Caught a major, disgusting addiction to fentanyl powder that I snorted. And I think ruined my sinuses which I will have to deal with. I hate to say my habit was up to $2-300 A DAY the last three months or so! It hurts writing that. But I got help, am on suboxone, and have been totally clean for almost one month.
The bad news... as part of my treatment program, they test me for drugs. On March 12, I tested positive for fentanyl. I freaked out as that seemed like a long time for fentanyl to still be showing up (12 days). But my doctor was great and said maybe because of how much I was doing, it's obviously still in my system. But it still bothered the hell out of me because... what the hell... this was the first time I can ever remember looking forward to a drug test. But she said just do it again. So on March 21, I did it again, this time at a different lab... but the same process. AND, yup, positive... AGAIN! For fentanyl.
By now, I am totally freaked out. Is someone poisoning me? Am I getting up in my sleep, tracking my dealer down, and using again? Of course not, but still, how is this possible. And, all of the people involved in my treatment are looking at me sideways - or at least I feel that way. I would too if I was in their shoes. They say they believe me. All I know is... I am 100% clean. Period. And, I have no reason to be deceptive anymore. I sought out treatment. After everything I've been through, I have absolutely nothing to hide. If I was using again, I would just tell them!
So once again, I just did another test. My doctor has shifted to more of a 'well if you are using again it's understandable and it happens, etc...' I could just scream. Needless to say, I have ZERO faith in these drug tests. And I am terrified test three will show trace amounts. Why am I terrified? I don't know. I'm not using, which is most important. But how is this drug showing up in tests? Has anyone, anywhere, heard of, or experienced anything similar? I had the test last Friday, and my doctor gets the results right away. The fact she has not called me with the results is not a good sign as she knows I am so upset with what's happening and she doesn't want to stress me out. Or, maybe it is accurate for once and will show negative. But I have such a bad feeling about this. I go tomorrow to see her for my weekly. I have never been more frustrated in my life. So upsetting. And I am reaching out to see if anyone has been through something similar. Thank you...
The bad news... as part of my treatment program, they test me for drugs. On March 12, I tested positive for fentanyl. I freaked out as that seemed like a long time for fentanyl to still be showing up (12 days). But my doctor was great and said maybe because of how much I was doing, it's obviously still in my system. But it still bothered the hell out of me because... what the hell... this was the first time I can ever remember looking forward to a drug test. But she said just do it again. So on March 21, I did it again, this time at a different lab... but the same process. AND, yup, positive... AGAIN! For fentanyl.
By now, I am totally freaked out. Is someone poisoning me? Am I getting up in my sleep, tracking my dealer down, and using again? Of course not, but still, how is this possible. And, all of the people involved in my treatment are looking at me sideways - or at least I feel that way. I would too if I was in their shoes. They say they believe me. All I know is... I am 100% clean. Period. And, I have no reason to be deceptive anymore. I sought out treatment. After everything I've been through, I have absolutely nothing to hide. If I was using again, I would just tell them!
So once again, I just did another test. My doctor has shifted to more of a 'well if you are using again it's understandable and it happens, etc...' I could just scream. Needless to say, I have ZERO faith in these drug tests. And I am terrified test three will show trace amounts. Why am I terrified? I don't know. I'm not using, which is most important. But how is this drug showing up in tests? Has anyone, anywhere, heard of, or experienced anything similar? I had the test last Friday, and my doctor gets the results right away. The fact she has not called me with the results is not a good sign as she knows I am so upset with what's happening and she doesn't want to stress me out. Or, maybe it is accurate for once and will show negative. But I have such a bad feeling about this. I go tomorrow to see her for my weekly. I have never been more frustrated in my life. So upsetting. And I am reaching out to see if anyone has been through something similar. Thank you...
