I will say this... 4-subsisted tryptamines, but particularly mushrooms, has been the most "interesting" substances I've encountered to date. LSD, dmt, and dpt has been slightly less "intellectual" but every bit as profound. These drugs leave the biggest impact the longest (besides for the hppd which phenethylamines and ergolides seem to be the primary culprit of in my experience). A good trip from a tryptamine or ergolide, is, convincing, for lack of a better term. I myself was a big proponent of the idea that psychedelics somehow drew back the veil and exposed reality for what it really is, and I probably still am when asked under the influence of a quarter of mushrooms. But as I sober up and get "back to my senses", the irony that I call the effect of hallucinogens "reality", is not lost on me. So in the end I was just frustrated, when trying to approach the question "what is going on when I trip" scholarly like, for I am definitely no scholar.
"5-ht sub receptor agonist" means nothing to me, but I know that's what causes the effect of the drug. At the very least the sites of activity have to be incredibly meaningful to the human condition. The best I can describe is other opiate/gabba agonist create intoxication, psychedelics create experiences. I know thats a cheap way out, I am just trying to explain why that receptor agonist explanation is not enough information to suitably explain the variety or manifestation of the psychedelic trip. Did I mention I'm a high school drop out trying to learn about brain chemistry through wikipedia articles? Like I said, I'm not a scholar, but I am getting to a point. There are characteristics to high dose psychedelics that have manifested in a number of ways through my many experiences. Tryptamines seem to induce a philosophical mindset, like I can't help but think about life, death, the big picture, we all know the topics. And as the experience intensifies and my senses bleed, making any sense out of the psychedelic soup becomes harder and harder, and I loose my ability to comprehend that I could at one point even comprehend in the first place. I believe this is what most call "ego death". The randomness of what follows is what truly terrifies me.
I have seen the void and I have been an echo echoing off itself for all eternity. Or if you'd rather I not use hippy metaphors I have seemingly experienced the act of non-existence, as well as the act of being cause and effect without a beginning or an end. It is common to experience both in the same trip. As the peak dies down, and the ability to form thoughts begins. This is the space I truly hold in high regard. It is characterized by a sharp and deep introspection. The place thoughts often turn for myself is towards the paradoxical information I have and use to interpret my view of the universe, and beyond. At these times my mind consists of thoughts directed to 1 notion, that truth is beyond human perception, and not to be scared by this, but freed. I look at the universe and its mechanisms and cause and effect seems to underlay everything. I ask why I am here?" That question inevitably leads to"why is the universe here?" The big bang. Something from nothing. As fundamental a paradox as has ever existed to my mind. And you know what occurs to me under the influence of mushrooms? That I can't comprehend the blankness that is the nothing I was before my biological computer turned on at birth. And yet here I am. I can not comprehend something coming from nothing, but here it is. And when I get really scared or sad about having to turn my computer off at some point in the inevitable future, and I remember that all my memories and hopes and loves and fears and experiences will be washed down the drain that is the void, I am not to despair, and I intellectualize the paradox that sums up the "tryptamine truth" to me: something will come from nothing and return to nothing, and this process will continue indefinitely. You will be the universe, unable to experience the conscious its biological computers create. You will be the conscious, unable to know you are also the universe.
Also as I come down there is a certain importance I always feel, because prior to ego death, I always, always, ALWAYS, forget that no matter how far you go you will always come back. I can't comprehend that I will ever be able to comprehend again. So when I begin to comprehend, if I can organize myself beyond amazement at the experience, I often think of self betterment, a definite drive to find the places where I don't meet my own expectations, and how to amend the past and better the future. This humanist drive seems almost alien installed, and has hung around, even through periods of abstinence.
So it is no lie to say I asked mushrooms "why am I here" and they replied "just do better". I feel accomplished now doing better, even knowing it'll be washed down the drain. I create meaning where there was none, after seeing "reality" in a drug induced hallucination.
