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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Trying To Leave The Meth Behind

R

rhymetoker

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 5, 2010
Messages
32
So I'm 24 years old and I've been using meth on and off for the past six years. Up until about a year ago, I kept my use under control. I mean, sure, I would binge. There were definitely times when I went a few to many days without sleep. But I would also regularly take extended breaks from the shit. I think my longest break was about 9 months.

But for the past 12 months or so, the breaks have been pretty much nonexistent. I went three weeks without using back in October, but usually I can't even go two weeks. It's disgusting how predictable the pattern has gotten. I'll pick up a bag which usually lasts me about 7-10 days. I'm always sick of it by the time it's gone, and usually somewhat relieved. That's when I decide to "quit." I start eating better, working out more, and sleeping more. I become more social. After a week I feel great. I'm happy. I have energy, REAL energy. I always feel confident that my meth use is finally just a thing of the past.

After about ten days, however, something changes. I start getting the nastiest fucking cravings that are damn near impossible to ignore. And if I've maybe had a drink or two? Forget about it. It's over. Back to square one.

I've always been able to assess my drug use in an honest manner. I've always been able to walk away when things start getting a little too messy. But for some reason with meth it's different. The way I think about it is different. The way I approach it is different. I mean I can clearly see the negative impact that it's having on my life, both physically and mentally. And I could go on for hours about the hideous comedowns, the paranoid delusions that I KNOW are ridiculous but that FEEL completely and utterly real. The way everyone starts looking at me, starts staring at me, starts judging me. Every time someone laughs, they're laughing at me. Every whisper is a joke at my expense. Every smile is fake, every thought is cruel. Unfortunately these awful experiences, these unspeakable lows, the indescribable mental anguish that I have subjected myself to are not enough to make me quit. And they never will be enough to make me quit. I need a better reason.

I REALLY need to quit by September. I'll be back in school and getting pretty close to graduation. I'll be applying for a lot of jobs, going to career fairs, hopefully getting some interviews. And no one wants to hire a fucking meth head. Maybe that will be enough motivation to finally part ways and just let it go.
 
Why do you need to quit by September? No, most people don't want a meth user. Most employers don't want any heavy drug user really. But if paranoia, comedowns, and health are not enough reason to stop, then there's no guarantee that looking for a job will be. Looking for work never really stopped me from bingeing on meth/amphetamines. I went to my first day of work at my last job amped up after drinking and not sleeping the night before, and it was certainly not a place that has any tolerance for drug use.

What happened in between using occasionally and the period that you began to no longer have control over your use? For me I suspect that was a buildup of stress and other emotions that were not being dealt with. Doesn't have to be one particular event that causes it. But looking at that and facing whatever has not been looked at may be helpful.
 
Te0X2t: I appreciate the suggestion, but tripping shrooms will have zero effect on my meth use. I have definitely had epiphanies while tripping that, at the time, seemed life altering. But when the drugs wear off I'm always right back where I started.

Legerity: I need to quit by September because that's when my classes start again. Last year I fucked up a little bit, and I can't afford to do that again. Honestly, the thought of tweaking my way through another semester terrifies me. I'm just not strong enough mentally to go through all that again.

In regards to your second question, I guess I don't really have a definitive answer to that. But I'm pretty sure it relates me going back to college. At first I used meth as a tool to get a little extra studying done, or to make the reading and note taking a little less mind numbing. And it worked great for a while, but last winter I noticed that I wasn't getting quite as focused and motivated as I used to. I would get distracted and end up sitting online for hours before I even opened my books. But trying to go back to studying with no amphetamines after relying on them for so long is difficult to say the least. I guess I've been using meth as a crutch.

Another part is that it's been more readily available than in years past. It was much easier to quit when I had to jump through hoops to get it instead of just making one phone call.

Also, I've decided if I'm going to successfully quit using meth then I need to quit drinking for at least a few months. It seems like most times that I give in to the cravings, I've had a couple beers. The cravings aren't nearly as bad when I'm sober.
 
Yeah I'm really the same way, alcohol was always a "warm up" to justify other substance. Right now: drink too much caffeine ---> get anxious ----> consume alcohol to calm down. Thankfully I've severed the link between alcohol and speed/MDMA.

Is there any way of getting rid of numbers or making it more difficult to access? Doesn't solve the entire issue but if that what prevented you from using it before then it could potentially help again.

Well that's good man if your reason really matters to you. All the best. Amphetamines are a tiresome habit to maintain.
 
OP: Ive had my share of meth and know just how fucking addictive it can be i hadnt touched it for like a year and out of the blue had a toot not so long ago.... its because it feels so fucking great, But in reality it's shit and it's bad 4 ya.. It is stoppable, i did it for my kid, but in ur case if u can avoid it, do so the fact ur posting this is sign that u aknowledge whats going on and its not good, A short stint on some valium probably wouldnt hurt... but u gotta watch those benzos also as im now dependant on tha fucking things, but for a few weeks to help come off maybe will help.
wishing u the best of luck in resolving this termoil in ur life.
 
So I woke up today ready to make some changes in my life. The first thing I did was quit my job, the same shitty job I've had for the past 8 years. It felt wonderful. Then I added an extra class to my schedule for this upcoming semester which should keep me nice and busy. I also deleted my hookup's phone number, although I know it's only a matter of time before he calls me. But I'll deal with that when it happens.

Also, I think I've decided to tell my girlfriend everything. I've been hiding my use from her for quite sometime now. I'm pretty sure there's been days when it was painfully obvious that I was high on something, but I guess it's just one of those things we don't discuss. But she deserves to know. She'll be upset, but hopefully she'll support me in my efforts to quit. I'll need it. We've been through a lot in the 4 years we've been together, and hopefully this is something that will eventually bring us closer.

Wish me luck.
 
i was in a similar position. my next-door neighbor was my drug dealer.

i replaced one addiction with another for a short period of time. i smoked a lot of weed. same thing: after 10 days it got hard. but after 3-4 weeks it was conquered.

the healthier you are the easier it will be to have the willpower to refuse. dont drink. if you re-use, don't kill yourself; just minimize the damage. you may relapse over and over, but if you continue to minimize the damage and stay mostly healthy you will eventually be able to say no.

once you have the CHOICE to say no then you've won.
 
Things that help me. believing in god, knowing who god is. knowing god is you and you decide your fate. fear is inverted faith. you have the knowledge, you just need the strength. telling your girlfriend will help, i am sure she will admire your honesty and support you, that should help you with strength.

i don't look to quit drugs, but control. as long as i am getting what i need to get done, its under control. also trying to stay away from drugs is letting them control you.

just my thoughts, hope they help :)
 
Why do so many people think that psychedelics are a one-size-fits-all solution to all of life's problems? I've had some awesome nights on mushrooms and acid, but at the end of the day they're just more drugs. They won't provide any answer that you're not already well aware of.
 
^ Agreed; and I'd like to remind everyone here that The Dark Side guidelines (which I'd recommend that everyone read, if they haven't yet) state that drug use is not to be glorified. It may not be the case for the original poster in this thread, but there are others who struggle with psychedelic abuse, for whom such posts might be triggering. I've unapproved the offending posts, but if more start popping up then official warnings are going to be handed out.

@rhymetoker: it sounds like you're on the right track to nail this addiction, best of luck to you!
 
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