Trying to kick Mdone and benzos for the hundrenth time

[somnilicious]

I have been around this site for about 10yrs and have been on and off heroin, mdone and benzos for about 15yrs. I have never had more than 3 weeks clean since I first decided to get on Methadone about 10 years ago. I then shortly thereafter got addicted to benzos.

Every time I try to quit the withdrawal, boredom and depression always get the best of me and I am back bangin' or poppin'...... I go into the kick with all the gusto I can muster. I have tried Na, rehab, white knuckle and every other way to kick under the sun. I was on a clinic but got kicked off 5 yrs ago due to cocaine positives. I now see a private doc who will prescribe me anything I want because I was born missing half a vertebrae. So I get my methadone. Unfortunately I always run out early and find myself getting very apathetic, withdrawn and depressed.

I want to start this thread for support and to vent. I just finished my last Mdone on new years eve but have done dope and hydros since but those did little to quell the long half life of methadone. I was only taking 40mgs a day and kinda tapered to 10mgs but to me the withdrawal all feels about the same. I did a 3 week 100mg mdone and 4mg Xanax kick in jail and it felt about the same as all the others.

I tapered the Xanax to 1mg because I have found this to be a tolerable jumping point in the past. I have a few more bars if I need to taper to .5mgs. I just need advice and a little soul massaging. I have a friend who recently kicked and is at the one month point and seems just as miserable as 1 week. I am so sick and tired and I recently got accepted to the local iron workers union and the insurance financiers don't tolerate these drugs even if prescribed on the job site.

I really want to try and quit with Mjay but I can't because of a drug test in 15 days. I will now stop rambling and accept any help, advice or just a push in the right direction. This will be an on going diary type kick journal. Thank for your time and help. P.S the one thing that always seems to wear me down is the insomnia. I have tried all herbal remedies. Mjay being the best. My mother gets gabapentin which I have recently found to work wonders but I can't consciously keep swiping her neuropathy medication. Now signing out somnidisgusted.......

 

[caseface99]

The best initial advice i can give would be to edit your post - break it up into paragraphs so that it's easier to read, and try to make it a little more clear what you are currently trying to kick, the dosage/frequency of use, etc. I mean this is the most sincere possible way, you will get a lot more replies if you make these edits.

Do you have any sort of recovery plan? you are going to need a plan of action if you are going to get clean, stay clean, and be fit enough to start working within the month.

You will also need to force yourself to eat healthy and exercise every single day, if you are to be in any sort of shape to start work after the withdrawals.

Also this might be better suited for the Sober Living section, might get more replies there. Anyway, I could give ya some more specific advice about going through withdrawal and staying clean after you update with what exactly your kicking from right now, i apologize but I'm still unclear on that. Metahdone and benzos i assume from the title, but the post itself is a bit unclear, as well as adding dosages will help.

 

[T. Calderone]

I edited with paragraphs so it's easier to read. Since the gabapentin is working for you, can you ask your doctor to prescribe this for you? It's great you have a good relationship with him so I would make an appointment with him. Good idea staying off marijuana since you have to be clean. Feel free to let us know how things progress. Welcome to Bluelight!

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey som and welcome to Blue Light

That combo was the one I ended my final run on.. I detoxed 150mgpd methadone, 260mgpd roxi, and 6 mgpd xannax.. and that was just what i was prescribed. The detox was rough to say the least.. it went on for two months before it started to get better.. and it took almost five before it was really over. I haven't touched an opiate or a benzo since august of 2012. I am as happy as I have ever been in my life. I did not use the twelve step groups much this time around, but I did work the steps really hard a few years ago and incorporated ideas from the fellowships, or rather the ideas of some of the wisest and greatest people in history from which the fellowships drew, as well as many ideas from the fellowships. This time however I didn't stop there. I made my recovery number on in my life and drew all the positive things for my recovery from absolutely everywhere I could find them. By doing this I have been able to reach a place in my life and my recovery where I am absolutely amazed at where I am. im not saying that my life is all orgasms and rainbows.. still piecing together so many things.. but i have truely never ever been this at peace and happy. since I made my recovery number one in my life and just keep doing what my heart tell me to do my life is rapidly transforming into something I would have looked at as a fairy tail or some wishful day dream.

So I guess i would suggest doing what I did and draw from everything you have learned and can learn about addiction and life. Create, refine, adjust, and live as strong a recovery plan as you can figure out. Changing the way I perceive life and the way I think was probably the single strongest portion of my recovery.. but for me it took totally changing so many aspects of my life. I just got a littel teary eyed thinking of where I was at and where I am now.. at the very end I had no hope and thought all was lost.. boy was i wrong.

You can do this... I know because if I can do it anyone can

 

[BeutiflyBroken]

Hey, I'm new here as well! I've also always came here to read encouraging stories. So many of you have helped me find strength in the darkest of times.

I jumped from 95mg of methadone cold turkey & lasted 2 weeks. Took benzos, kratom, & clonidine sp?.....I've been on MMT off & on for 2 years. My biggest issue is having to take care of my 2 year old. Next to impossible. I might have made it if it weren't for the dreadful bone aches. So, I'm back at the clinic now on 50mg. My question is how the hell am I ever going to get off this crap? Any advice? Thanks for listening.

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey BB and welcome to Blue Light

The medications I would explore the use of for detox would be:
>Clonidine< DOSED EVER FOUR HOURS..

one of either
>NEURONTIN< >HERE< >HERE<
OR >Lyrica<
OR >phenibut<

>A BENZO BUT JUST AT NIGHT<
>a nsaid<
>melatonin<
tylenol

You can do this.. anther option is to switch back to a short acting opiates like morphine for a few weeks and switch your withdrawal from weeks to days.

 

[thedawn]

I'm just like you.15 years down the drain with OC's and Black Tar.
I am on suboxone now,it has given me a life.
but it's controversial.not everyone feels comfortable with replacement therapy.

I can only suggest subs if u want a normal life and wish you heaven.