Trying to close the door.

I don't know how much I wrote about my depression I've been going through......there are many reasons- but I feel the last few days I am coming out of it. I am trying not to think about too much heaviness (though that is somewhat unavoidable). I quit fertility treatment, which was a hard choice but at the same time, I feel that the hormones were really messing with my head. Not only just the hormones but the thought process that came with going through another round of fertility treatment- each time going inand the Dr saying my body wasn't responding AT ALL.......
I'd leave in tears every time- And then the thought I couldn't fight was -
What if it worked and I lost another baby.
I just don't think I could handle being given that gift again only to lose it.
I obviously am not in the mental place to take on the risk again.
Maybe once I give my body a break for a bit, I will go into it with renewed hope and optimism.
I kept thinking about how my body has betrayed me and that led to a slew of self-defeating thoughts that I'd be filling my head with......
Anyway- that is only a small portion of what was playing into my depression.......
I started taking my Klonopin again and my muscle relaxers. So I am not in as much pain and getting a little more sleep- like 4-5 solid hours. (B/c I had dropped my gabapentin and with no meds and fibro, there are few if any- pain free days.)
So.........I think I'm on the right path.........
Music is helping so much.........
Okay- thats enough rambling

 

give yourself a break, you! You two are YOUNG so you have plenty of time to have a baby. In the meantime you can have fun practicing!

Kick back, relax and enjoy what is and not what 'could be' or 'should be'. I would like to see a tiny PIP or little ocean come into the world (that would fuckin' RULE) but perhaps the world isn't ready (just yet) for that type of intelligence to manifest itself through your offspring.

When you two do have a kid I may have to run out and impregnate some poor unfortunate woman so that my kid can hang out with yours. Just because

 

Thanks OD-
Unfortunately I have been told I don't have that much time.
I have reproductive problems- Obviously, since even fertility meds don't work
But yes, IF a miracle occurs, and we have children- you for sure need to as well- Our kids would be awesome friends!

 

I've heard that in some cases the pressure of 'trying' was getting in the way. But when the couple stopped trying, six months later: BAM!

You'll be a great mommy someday, I've no doubt of that. Have you considered adoption, or is that not an option?

 

^Yeah I've heard that before too.........and I believe it b/c when I got pregnant last time I had stopped fertility treatment 2 mos before.

Adoption would be amazing- I'd like to do it even if i was able to have children but I don't think we would be able to b/c my husband is on disability......?