Hey webbykevin, hope you're doing ok today. I'm in a similar situation, so perhaps you can take some advice or reassurance or whatever from my own tale o' woe.
30-40mg of diazepam a day, with diphenhydramine (an over the counter sedating antihistamine...), for the past month or so. More controlled usage (5-10mg / day few times a week for social anxiety) for a couple of months leading up to that, with the occassional 100mg a day binge here and there. Stopped cold on Sunday. By Tuesday I felt so bad. Physically I had a very high fever, but felt freezing, unable to stop shaking, sneezing, snotting, etc. Stomach very upset at me but thankfully no diarrhoea or vomiting. Mentally, I was being tortured by nasty bloody demons with pitch forks. That's when I wasn't feeling a strong sense of depersonalization, which was in a way a relief, as I felt as if my mind had been taken away from the nastiness for a while. Throw in a bit of delirium and I was soon sat in front of a stern looking GP explaining how I'd got into this mess.
So now I'm on a taper. Hopefully 5 weeks to go from 20mg to nothing. Not sure how much you were using, but I never considered my use to be massively overdoing things. 20mg is holding me fine atm, though we'll see.
So a taper is an option to get you off the diazepam. If you're scared to go to a GP and be so blunt, try approaching a drug abuse / addiction service first, or any other mental health service, who in my experience tend to seem less judgmental. But as others have said, stopping from such high doses abruptly can be dangerous, even life threatening. Tapering is highly recommended.
Of course, the hard part, and part that you seem to be asking for guidance with, is how to resist temptation, and stay with reality, however crap it is. All I can suggest is getting on a course of psychological therapy; Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is an option; I'm currently on a waiting list for art therapy(!). Are you working? Are there any activities you can get involved in? It sounds so useless, but doing things to help other people can make you feel just as good as 40mg diazepam with a nice morphine chaser.
If anything, try to remember the importance of communicating with other people. You've made those posts, which suggests getting feedback or even acknowledgment from other people is at least a little rewarding to you. I know i find communication rewarding (especially whilst high), so forgive me my rambling. We're all stuck inside the little bubbles of our own conscious existence (pretension alert), and sometimes the weight of the realization that we all go through life alone is almost too much to bear. Hopefully reading this, nonsensical as it probably is, has made you feel (emotionally) connected with another human being. I know that's a rare thing in my life, maybe it is in yours too.
Good luck with the valium. I hope you'll post a nice long winding response to this, and even if it only distracts you for 10 minutes, it's something positive.
As a side note to any mods: would a benzo withdrawal 'megathread' or official thread or whatever be a good idea? I didn't want to start one, but I couldn't find one using the search function. I think such a depository of anecdotes and advice all in one thread could be of use to those thinking about, or going through benzodiazapine withdrawal.
) addressing the problems head-on is going to help you with the motivation you need to quit (or at least to taper down if that is your goal).