Cloudburst
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 29, 2008
- Messages
- 521
For some background, some, but not most, of you may remember this incident last year:
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=413642
I think this may hold some very unique insight into what goes on in the mind of a person right before self-inflicted death. Ideally, this would serve to be something to consider for those heavily depressed or preoccupied with death and/or suicide. I haven't really read any accounts like this where people are writing extensively about themselves and their situation while looking at the face of death, so I thought it might have warranted a new thread, along with the fact I am not really suicidal now.
I had been told never to look at older entries in my journal, but I did accidentally stumble across some entries written while I was waiting to die, after I got out of the ER and psych ward, and attempted to write a history of my history of battling suicide, at which point I abruptly stopped. I must have not been able to continue writing because of the emotional intensity. It was extremely hard beyond words, sometimes taking up to 5 minutes to write a single sentence, to transliterate this but I felt the need to release this to the public as well as reflect on what I have not before. I can now say this was especially therapeutic and I feel much better now after finishing this. Confronting your past can be dangerous and sometimes not advised, and it may have been foolish of me to do this, but fortunately it was beneficial.
Again, I hope something can be gained out of this due to its abnormal circumstances of description and make one have a better understanding of suicide.
Here are the entries as followed, word-for-word:
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=413642
I think this may hold some very unique insight into what goes on in the mind of a person right before self-inflicted death. Ideally, this would serve to be something to consider for those heavily depressed or preoccupied with death and/or suicide. I haven't really read any accounts like this where people are writing extensively about themselves and their situation while looking at the face of death, so I thought it might have warranted a new thread, along with the fact I am not really suicidal now.
I had been told never to look at older entries in my journal, but I did accidentally stumble across some entries written while I was waiting to die, after I got out of the ER and psych ward, and attempted to write a history of my history of battling suicide, at which point I abruptly stopped. I must have not been able to continue writing because of the emotional intensity. It was extremely hard beyond words, sometimes taking up to 5 minutes to write a single sentence, to transliterate this but I felt the need to release this to the public as well as reflect on what I have not before. I can now say this was especially therapeutic and I feel much better now after finishing this. Confronting your past can be dangerous and sometimes not advised, and it may have been foolish of me to do this, but fortunately it was beneficial.
Again, I hope something can be gained out of this due to its abnormal circumstances of description and make one have a better understanding of suicide.
Here are the entries as followed, word-for-word:
NSFW:
