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Addiction Transitioning to Positive Addictions

ProfessrHyperdimensional

ProfessrHyperdimensional

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 29, 2019
Messages
213
I'm an addict. For life.

I do believe in positive addiction actually. More on that later.

What about my last diary? Too all over the place. Not the direction I want to head in in terms of utilizing this forum.

I don't need to recover. I need to change. And I sure don't want to stop being an addict. I just wanna ditch the negative compulsions.
 
I won't talk about drugs in here. How contrary is that to recovery? I won't talk about relapsing in terms of what I used. I wanna talk about my efforts forming positive addictions. If you want to criticize me or call me a dunce who will never recover, go for it. I might chime in with a clean date or amount of time away from substances that are inherently destructive for me personally but that's not the reason I am starting a thread like this.

The goal here certainly is health and recovery but I am going about recovering in my own way. If you want to say to me yes you do need to recover and recovering involves change by all means do it. Not gonna bite back or argue. I might not even have anything to say to you.



Daily jogging sounds pretty neat to get hooked on. Let you know how often I do it.
 
Last edited:
Cacao is a superfood. Yes I am addicted. Let's explore what exactly it is in cacao that makes me a cacao junkie next time. See you again next time. Won't be in daily here. But regularly.

Edit: Cacao itself doesn't make me a junkie. I'm a junkie due to an intense desire to feel warm and fuzzy inside? Is that why? Am I really a junkie or just greedy? I suppose this can also be a journey of self-discovery and positive addictions should only aid me while I embark on it. The journey itself will most likely be documented in detail in another section. Or on my blog.
 
Dude I can't set rules like I won't discuss drugs here. Wtf man I do need to recover. I do need to talk about it all.

I'm going to try and score a ten sac of weed off the street. From a corner store on the edge of the metropolitan area near a University here. I did years ago. I only have ten bucks and no connections.

Me and this babe will smoke it together if I get it. This old guy across the street smokes and handed me weed for free before but he says he doesn't sell it and hasn't given me any or smoked me up since that day. Yet he keeps saying come back another day so like I keep thinking I can go ask and he always says he doesn't sell it but come back another day LOL. He will give me some he means by that for free. Stop fucking playing games with me old man and I will stop bothering you dude.

Anyways we are bored but I know she will cuddle me tonight and our cuddling is fucking sexy dude. Like she often reaches for my penis and I have been shooing her away but chances are if we keep this up we're gonna do it.

I have had her boobs in my mouth. I've pet her vagina with her panties on. I often grab her butt cuddling. Like that is nice action for me without needing to penetrate her but I want her to know what kind of lover I am because I don't think she's been with someone like me in bed. Not to sound like a pompous ego monster.



Sue me for trying to use cannabis tonight. But don't. Only counts as a relapse if I turn to booze.

Edit: This babe & I!
 
Hey guys and gals.

No luck finding weed at the corner store but I know this ledge off a bike path the kids puff at often and I might visit it tonight. Ya I'm the 33 year old who puffs with high school kids.

This needs to change. If I were in Colorado and not New York I wouldn't be talking like this right now.

Battling myself tonight. The idea to drink wine has returned full force. Fuck. This isn't lookin' good bros but at least if I end up getting a bottle this babe will keep me from doing anything more than that. What a blessing she is in that respect.

I also love having her around when I'm not craving. I just wish we could both get jobs and move forward together and go on real dates.

Edit: Oh ya this,
Alcohol: Weighing risks and potential benefits

Moderate alcohol use has possible health benefits, but it's not risk-free.

www.mayoclinic.org

Alcohol in moderation: How many drinks is that?

Drinking alcohol in any amount is a health risk that increases with each drink you have. The risk peaks with heavy drinking, including binge drinking, which carries serious health risks.
www.mayoclinic.org www.mayoclinic.org
 
Cabernet Sauvignon Retox





Should I ask her to cuddle? I just took 3 blunt hits with a couple high school dudes on a park bench off a bike path. Right under the old railroad ledges. They said come back to buy some during the day.

Really, really buzzed right now. We also tried to take her cannabis oil which wasn't vaping as something was wrong with the cartridge, like tried to take it all out with a tiny nail and sucked the cart dry.

This cuddling is going to be intense.

I think I will be growing cannabis here. I can fit a couple plants or just one autoflowering female in a living room closet. I can no longer worry about scoring weed off the streets.
 
Day 0 Relapse Afterthoughts

I mean I had a bottle of wine with the girl who lives with me. I was determined to use weed for some reason and when I couldn't find any I got the wine. I still smoked with those kids. I mean I feel a bit off today but in terms of bad things happening during a relapse this wasn't devastating. Like we were just hanging out at home.

I think it is irrational to try and grow weed at home. Plus it ain't legal. I mean what are your bullshit laws anyways but like still there is that to be concerned about and also who knows how much we would start using? I'm thinking keep focused on non-drug positive addictions here. Cannabis isn't really something I should be going out of my way to use but this will require vigilance and mutual efforts with the girl I live with who used to use a lot as she brought her vapor stuff with her but now she is out. She also wants to stop if she can try since we don't have any way to get it easy.

I don't need a cannabis habit to tell you the truth. I can't believe how looking for it even determined not to drink led to overwhelming urges to get one bottle of wine. When I relapse alone I never stop at one bottle of wine. It's bad and if she wasn't drinking with me I probably would have gotten propylhexedrine.

I need to report back with jogging and qigong. I haven't done either in a few days.

Also I was looking for pills at my parents today in the old hiding places but thankfully didn't find any. I hate doing that but I was doing it since high school. But seriously I need to stop and limit my time over here to prevent me from searching for pills lying around. Also almost used DXM this morning but managed to reason myself out of it. I don't need it to feel better today. It's not like it's gonna do something magical in my brain honestly and give me more energy lol.

So I am clean again.

Day 0 again.

Have a nice day. I should also stop talking about messing around with this girl lol weird mood to do that here. Dating isn't even the priority right now and whatever we do in terms of romance should be secondary to the lifestyle changes that need to be made pronto here. Yes they involve positive addictions as I am saying here.
 
Nightrider19 said:
?? Goodwork!

Hope you have a great occupied day!
Click to expand...
You spoke too soon.

So this girl like thinks she has been a bad influence as I was clean for 4 months before she moved in. I don't want to blame her for relapsing and chances are I would have alone anyways. Right now though she is blaming me for losing the tip of her vape battery which I have no memory of tinkering with last night. I didn't black out. Not sure what happened to it but it sounds like a freak accident.

Anyways like when she gets upset I want to use kratom for some reason. I mean I kind of have an inclination too anyways right now. Like firstly I can get an ounce right down the street at a glass shop and secondly I tried looking to buy some weed just now as I got paid for an odd job and it feels like herbal drugs could be very helpful right now. The after effects of even 3 to 4 glasses of wine aren't helping me not want some relief from kratom today.

I might be relapsing again today but just with kratom.
 
Nightrider19 said:
Tell yourself you won’t be and don’t go get it
Click to expand...
Sounds easy enough. Not when you don't see a reason not to though. Like it's not that harmful.

Lol.

Straightforward and to the point. I like that Nightrider.

Now I remember what happened to the vape pen. I was knocking it against a tree lol. It popped off on the sidewalk a couple houses down! It wasn't working and Idk what I was thinking tapping it on a tree would do. It broke the charger tip off!

Anyways, kratom sounds nice as shit right now. I have the money. I need it for relief. Why not? Because it's a drug?

I know it would be awesome if I could just say I don't really need it but that's not where my recovery is at.

What would a worse relapse look like? Buying booze, spiking it with propylhexedrine, and fapping away the rest of the day. Like that is my main binge activity that is most destructive. Lately. And it is purely based on life circumstances and environment right now.
 
I value feedback like what Nightrider is giving me. Don't be shy posting in this and telling me your mind now kids and not so much kids.

It's not that I don't agree with the advice Nightrider gave or tried to give today, it's just that I'm too much of a stubborn addict to have been able to accept it today. Using last night didn't help my ability to say no to kratom today btw.

Anyways, enough about me for today. I'll be active around Sober Living today even if I just took like 7 grams of kratom or something.

 
Omg. Horrible song selection above. I would give it a thumbs down but I no longer play a hater on YouTube like that. I mean I won't say why I think that is horrible above maybe it is just too far removed from the roots of reggae so to speak...

Better:



Sorry if I haven't been the best influence but hey I'm not perfect. I guess I can try harder next time.
 
Change of plans.

I'm not trying to keep my own recovery thread here.

Yet I'm not going anywhere nor quitting trying to get clean.

I just want to be here to support others and learn from reading more than I post. In terms of recovery I mean. I'll be active all over this site. With the amount of years and drugs taken over them I have quite a bit to offer I feel but I still need to recover while I discuss or I'm wasting my time.

Perhaps I'll share my clean dates in other locations but I will let you know somehow how I am doing as the days go by. If you wanna keep up that is. Blog and other threads in Sober Living should be more than enough to keep you in the know about my recovery. Just no more diary thingy for me!

Goodnight y'all.
 
You just have to weigh the pros and cons of your usage and decide what is best for you. I'm here to support you no matter what. You should read through my rambling mess of a recovery journal.... "Back on the sober wagon" and I had actually been posting about recovery attempts long before that. It will take a honest inner look into yourself to determine if your using is detrimental to your health and growth. Often times it takes traumatic, life changing events or eminent death and danger to make one quit and even that may not be enough. I suggest you quit now before you see how deep the rabbit hole goes.

I have been a heroin addict for 20yrs. I have had problems with MDMA(massive depressive episodes), methadone, benzos and a crack rehab as well. It gets worse before it gets better. You are absolutely right in trying to replace your addiction with healthy outlets. I highly suggest some kind of group endeavor or fellowship. Volunteering for the less fortunate is also a great way to gain perspective and esteem to help in working towards a healthy and rounded recovery.

Feel free to stick and stay.... You are a valued and welcomed addition to our Sober Forum. Thanks for posting my friend.
'
 
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