Tramadol makes me one happy mother fucker, but I'm already taking too much. Over a gram in 24 hours. I've never had a seizure before when I took that much all at one time. BUt the mood stabilizer I'm on is used also to teat epilepsy. So I'm far less worries about it. I'm not having any jerks or anything like I did now and then before.
I'm just chasing that high. I just can't seem to get high enough! I've missed this drug so much and I can't get as fucked up as I want. I nod out, but the euphoria just isn't there as much as I want. I would love to have Sean here just to hold me close and touch me and maybe pet my hair (that feels so good). But I think he might be upset that I'm getting back into it. Like I've said he always wants what best for me and he doesn't like me abusing drugs and running the risk and pain of getting addicted.
He talked to me the other night. He wants me to do a cleansing on the old house that he is moving in. I think maybe I've have exposed him to too much paranormal information, true stories. So I'll have to say a few prayers and burn some sage for him. I guess it leaves a blank slate and is good for new beginnings and he needs that. And even if it just has a placebo effect on him that's great.
I get to see Sean tomorrow! He is having me come over to watch a movie with one of our favorite actors in it. We just couldn't wait until the weekend to see each other. We talk pretty much everyday. I call or we text. Its really great to feel so imp rant in some one's life. I appreciator him so much, and really with everything goin on, and how scared I was that Sean would leave over Michael it worked out for the best. I can see that I don't need or even want him in my life. People can only hurt me ifI don't let them. Hence getting Michael out of my life and adding a few people to my ignore list. If I react to it and then they get what they want. Its sad that they have to pick on someone who has mental disorders that she didn't ask for. Its not my fault but I have to try to get better.
Well I keep nodding out like every 2 minutes. I'm worried that I might fall asleep, but not yet. I've had quit a bit. But I'm still able to write this and make sense I think...lol
I'm just chasing that high. I just can't seem to get high enough! I've missed this drug so much and I can't get as fucked up as I want. I nod out, but the euphoria just isn't there as much as I want. I would love to have Sean here just to hold me close and touch me and maybe pet my hair (that feels so good). But I think he might be upset that I'm getting back into it. Like I've said he always wants what best for me and he doesn't like me abusing drugs and running the risk and pain of getting addicted.
He talked to me the other night. He wants me to do a cleansing on the old house that he is moving in. I think maybe I've have exposed him to too much paranormal information, true stories. So I'll have to say a few prayers and burn some sage for him. I guess it leaves a blank slate and is good for new beginnings and he needs that. And even if it just has a placebo effect on him that's great.
I get to see Sean tomorrow! He is having me come over to watch a movie with one of our favorite actors in it. We just couldn't wait until the weekend to see each other. We talk pretty much everyday. I call or we text. Its really great to feel so imp rant in some one's life. I appreciator him so much, and really with everything goin on, and how scared I was that Sean would leave over Michael it worked out for the best. I can see that I don't need or even want him in my life. People can only hurt me ifI don't let them. Hence getting Michael out of my life and adding a few people to my ignore list. If I react to it and then they get what they want. Its sad that they have to pick on someone who has mental disorders that she didn't ask for. Its not my fault but I have to try to get better.
Well I keep nodding out like every 2 minutes. I'm worried that I might fall asleep, but not yet. I've had quit a bit. But I'm still able to write this and make sense I think...lol
