Traitor & the Blue Hiding
Expressing doubts in isolation, I feel like a traitor,
ever-wanting but too terrified to speak my mind.
Seems our ideals and values are forever in conflict:
you want a bigger part of my life, I just want mine.
I've got these pipe dreams of self-sufficency,
I'm so sick of riding coat-tails and taking hands.
I want to harden independence, expand freedom,
I know I lost myself, but I'm still my biggest fan.
You want someone strong, attentive and close to depend on.
Talk as if you're looking for some locked-up portion of you in me.
You want to know every little thought in my mind, raw as possible.
Now you feel obligated to cencor yourself just to pacify me.
And you say that unless its for me, to never change,
but its not at all what your eyes tend to speak.
Eyes and body sometimes speak louder than words:
sure, you may want me, but am I truly what you need?
What if things never changed from how they are?
We never lived together but just remained like this?
Would that be enough to make you whole and happy
when already you want more than I'm willing to give?
Know I never set out or got into this to confuse or destroy you,
thought I wanted all of this, and believe it or not, I really tried.
Now I'm attempting to spit out the things on the tip of my tongue
but I just look down with lips clamped when I see
the blue hiding behind your eyes.
Expressing doubts in isolation, I feel like a traitor,
ever-wanting but too terrified to speak my mind.
Seems our ideals and values are forever in conflict:
you want a bigger part of my life, I just want mine.
I've got these pipe dreams of self-sufficency,
I'm so sick of riding coat-tails and taking hands.
I want to harden independence, expand freedom,
I know I lost myself, but I'm still my biggest fan.
You want someone strong, attentive and close to depend on.
Talk as if you're looking for some locked-up portion of you in me.
You want to know every little thought in my mind, raw as possible.
Now you feel obligated to cencor yourself just to pacify me.
And you say that unless its for me, to never change,
but its not at all what your eyes tend to speak.
Eyes and body sometimes speak louder than words:
sure, you may want me, but am I truly what you need?
What if things never changed from how they are?
We never lived together but just remained like this?
Would that be enough to make you whole and happy
when already you want more than I'm willing to give?
Know I never set out or got into this to confuse or destroy you,
thought I wanted all of this, and believe it or not, I really tried.
Now I'm attempting to spit out the things on the tip of my tongue
but I just look down with lips clamped when I see
the blue hiding behind your eyes.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")