First at al my english skills are not the best please try to watch over it! 
When i was young 11 or 12 my mom took me to a Doctor becaus my Teacher in school said some one is wrong with me.
I dont play with the other kids and dont talk much.
He diagnosed me Depressions but did nothing else. Later with 14 years I made my first experience with magic mushrooms it was great but it schould be my only drug experience for a long while,
Two years later with 16 I consumed for the first time Speed with friends on a party, it was great.
Normaly Iam a very introverted guy but on Speed iam THE MAN! I consumed it very often and spend all my money for speed.
With 17 I consumed all upper i could get. (amphetamine, methamphetamine, MDPV, methylphenidate)
after a half year of daily use was my anxiety so great that I hardly even went out side. (at that time i did not understand that this is coming from the uppers)
Then i met an old school friend on a party he was a druguser since I know him but we have lost the contact for 3 Years the last time i saw him he started dealing with Weed he want to become like tony Montana :D
but now he was strongly cocaine addicted, He told me that he is big in Buisness selling 100g of Heroin every week.
He also took the heroin to come down
He offered me a line, It was great all futur fears was blowed away from my mind and all other bad things too i was laying on his couch and enjoyed the effects. I was addicted from the first Line not due the euphoria i got not much euphoria from dam but i was Fearless.
In school i hold a presentasion normaly i got Blackouts If I hold a presentation and begin to stutter but not this time, I told storys about the Third Reich show Pictures ang got good grades with uppers and Heroin i got Best Grades without doing anything for it i can talk to strangers like to my best friends no fear no anxiety!
I consumed about 4 weeks long irregular heroin, then i got my first cold turkey and started to consume daily for 6months.
Then my old Schoolfriend got caught by the Cops with 100g Heroin now he is in jail
then I had the hardest cold turkey i ever had but i stopt taking upper and so after 2 days of Insomia slept 22-23 Hours a day.
After that I was hardly depressed and got suicidal thoughts,
Iam stoped going to school because my anxiety was so great that iam very rarley leave the House and when i was doing it it was terrible i was thinkin all people looking at my and laughing at me.
So I was all day in my bed or watching TV i was unenployed and consoumed different drugs every day (GBL, (meth) Amphetam, codeine, various RCs as MPA, NEB, kratom, Phenazepan, MDV, methylone 2methyl2Butanol, a had an hard GBL Turkey.
Then I decided that it so can not go further
I applied for a job as social worker and got it, but in the first week i had gotten a panic attack it was my first.
I was sweating and my hands are trembling i was thinking i got an heartattack or anything else.
Then i went to the doctor and he prescribed me 900mg "St. Johns wort" and told me I should try it again.
But every day i went to work i got a panic attack i was very sad about that but my Doc told me with ervery try it gets less intens and stops after enought trials, But that was not true I was always alert to the warning signs of a panic attack (heartbeat, Heat, Sweating) and i was trying to avoid Situations in which I get a panic attack.
Situations like work ... :-(
My panic attacks became more frequent after a few days, I had such fear to get a panic attack that I can´t go to work i got panic attaks already on the way to work!
then I went to a neurologist,
he prescribed me Mianserin a sedative antidepressant (tetracyclic antidepressant) for the first week only 10mg in the evening to get sleep and for about to weeks he increased the dose to 30mg He has said the Panicattacks should stop but they dont stop, They are weaker but still I am sweating, my heart thinks it is on the racetrack and I'm still very confused and panicky when I get one.
I sweat so much that my clothes are wet and start to smell very unpleasant, awful as social workers.
So i went back to The doctor he prescribed me Ativan (lorazepam 0.5 mg(in German Tavor iam from Germany))
They Lorazepam helps much but I need 2-4 tablets a day sometimes 5 (i take on every time i get a panik attack or in Situations where I could get a panic attack but I can not take Ativan.
Last Monday i got the Ativan 20tablets and now i only have 8 tabletts left my Doc Told me that they are addictiv.
I think iam Straight on the way into a Benzo addiction but that is not the only problem.
they 30mg Mianserin makes me so tired that i cant get up in the morning, Ive boughte two more alarm Clocks they realy loud ones but i dont wake up.
My Doc has told me that the Mianserin makes very tired so i should take i early enough to get up in the morning, he say i schould take it at 6pm with a meal, but i came home at 5pm and then i have to learn.
If i took it at 6pm Iam Sleeping at 7pm once I fell asleep on my desk.
there is no time for Lecture and Homework but I must repead the Lectures from my illtime.
So i learn from 6pm to 7-8 O´clock watch tv or surf around the web till 9 then i take the Mianserin an go to bet it makes no different if i take the Mianserin at 9 or 6 o´clock the wake up problem is there wehen i not wake up i sleep to 12 or simtimes 3o´clock there are no inprovments. The only anwser to this problem i know are uppers but i dont want to take them, uppers are guarannted that i get a panic attack coffein to
Every day when I'm at Work I work hard, my boss is fascinated from me. But Iam only 2 or 3 days at work per week.
Yesterday my Boss told me that this is not acceptable i love my Job and i Like my Boss, My boss knows about my panic disorder and supports me but he also told me that this can not be a permanent status.
I told him that I'm solid progressing and that it is over now because the Doc prescribed a new drug that work well, But this isnt True the Drugs didnt work well only the lorazepam but iam on the go to make my driving licens and I must stopp because i dont want to drive when on Drugs like benzos, :-(
I just do not know what more I can do! pls help, help me to find a way out of this crisis
Your despaired Drugfreak
Edit2: I found very little information about Mianserin is ist safe to took it with amphetamines or mdma ?
(Edit: Iam 18years old if this is important)
When i was young 11 or 12 my mom took me to a Doctor becaus my Teacher in school said some one is wrong with me.
I dont play with the other kids and dont talk much.
He diagnosed me Depressions but did nothing else. Later with 14 years I made my first experience with magic mushrooms it was great but it schould be my only drug experience for a long while,
Two years later with 16 I consumed for the first time Speed with friends on a party, it was great.
Normaly Iam a very introverted guy but on Speed iam THE MAN! I consumed it very often and spend all my money for speed.
With 17 I consumed all upper i could get. (amphetamine, methamphetamine, MDPV, methylphenidate)
after a half year of daily use was my anxiety so great that I hardly even went out side. (at that time i did not understand that this is coming from the uppers)
Then i met an old school friend on a party he was a druguser since I know him but we have lost the contact for 3 Years the last time i saw him he started dealing with Weed he want to become like tony Montana :D
but now he was strongly cocaine addicted, He told me that he is big in Buisness selling 100g of Heroin every week.
He also took the heroin to come down
He offered me a line, It was great all futur fears was blowed away from my mind and all other bad things too i was laying on his couch and enjoyed the effects. I was addicted from the first Line not due the euphoria i got not much euphoria from dam but i was Fearless.
In school i hold a presentasion normaly i got Blackouts If I hold a presentation and begin to stutter but not this time, I told storys about the Third Reich show Pictures ang got good grades with uppers and Heroin i got Best Grades without doing anything for it i can talk to strangers like to my best friends no fear no anxiety!
I consumed about 4 weeks long irregular heroin, then i got my first cold turkey and started to consume daily for 6months.
Then my old Schoolfriend got caught by the Cops with 100g Heroin now he is in jail
then I had the hardest cold turkey i ever had but i stopt taking upper and so after 2 days of Insomia slept 22-23 Hours a day.
After that I was hardly depressed and got suicidal thoughts,
Iam stoped going to school because my anxiety was so great that iam very rarley leave the House and when i was doing it it was terrible i was thinkin all people looking at my and laughing at me.
So I was all day in my bed or watching TV i was unenployed and consoumed different drugs every day (GBL, (meth) Amphetam, codeine, various RCs as MPA, NEB, kratom, Phenazepan, MDV, methylone 2methyl2Butanol, a had an hard GBL Turkey.
Then I decided that it so can not go further
I applied for a job as social worker and got it, but in the first week i had gotten a panic attack it was my first.
I was sweating and my hands are trembling i was thinking i got an heartattack or anything else.
Then i went to the doctor and he prescribed me 900mg "St. Johns wort" and told me I should try it again.
But every day i went to work i got a panic attack i was very sad about that but my Doc told me with ervery try it gets less intens and stops after enought trials, But that was not true I was always alert to the warning signs of a panic attack (heartbeat, Heat, Sweating) and i was trying to avoid Situations in which I get a panic attack.
Situations like work ... :-(
My panic attacks became more frequent after a few days, I had such fear to get a panic attack that I can´t go to work i got panic attaks already on the way to work!
then I went to a neurologist,
he prescribed me Mianserin a sedative antidepressant (tetracyclic antidepressant) for the first week only 10mg in the evening to get sleep and for about to weeks he increased the dose to 30mg He has said the Panicattacks should stop but they dont stop, They are weaker but still I am sweating, my heart thinks it is on the racetrack and I'm still very confused and panicky when I get one.
I sweat so much that my clothes are wet and start to smell very unpleasant, awful as social workers.
So i went back to The doctor he prescribed me Ativan (lorazepam 0.5 mg(in German Tavor iam from Germany))
They Lorazepam helps much but I need 2-4 tablets a day sometimes 5 (i take on every time i get a panik attack or in Situations where I could get a panic attack but I can not take Ativan.
Last Monday i got the Ativan 20tablets and now i only have 8 tabletts left my Doc Told me that they are addictiv.
I think iam Straight on the way into a Benzo addiction but that is not the only problem.
they 30mg Mianserin makes me so tired that i cant get up in the morning, Ive boughte two more alarm Clocks they realy loud ones but i dont wake up.
My Doc has told me that the Mianserin makes very tired so i should take i early enough to get up in the morning, he say i schould take it at 6pm with a meal, but i came home at 5pm and then i have to learn.
If i took it at 6pm Iam Sleeping at 7pm once I fell asleep on my desk.
there is no time for Lecture and Homework but I must repead the Lectures from my illtime.
So i learn from 6pm to 7-8 O´clock watch tv or surf around the web till 9 then i take the Mianserin an go to bet it makes no different if i take the Mianserin at 9 or 6 o´clock the wake up problem is there wehen i not wake up i sleep to 12 or simtimes 3o´clock there are no inprovments. The only anwser to this problem i know are uppers but i dont want to take them, uppers are guarannted that i get a panic attack coffein to
Every day when I'm at Work I work hard, my boss is fascinated from me. But Iam only 2 or 3 days at work per week.
Yesterday my Boss told me that this is not acceptable i love my Job and i Like my Boss, My boss knows about my panic disorder and supports me but he also told me that this can not be a permanent status.
I told him that I'm solid progressing and that it is over now because the Doc prescribed a new drug that work well, But this isnt True the Drugs didnt work well only the lorazepam but iam on the go to make my driving licens and I must stopp because i dont want to drive when on Drugs like benzos, :-(
I just do not know what more I can do!
pls help, help me to find a way out of this crisis Your despaired Drugfreak
Edit2: I found very little information about Mianserin is ist safe to took it with amphetamines or mdma ?
(Edit: Iam 18years old if this is important)
Last edited:
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