Tosh.Suku
Bluelighter
I'm new and this is my introduction. My real name is Derek and I'm 33. Don't ask me what Tosh.Suku means, I just think it sounds cool! There are some incredibly well-informed people on this site so I will be reading more than posting. In time I'll read everything on this site and I think I'll be better for it. I hope by sharing in your experiences it will help me better deal with my own.
I started with pot at 14, gradually using it more and more until that's all I did. I'd say for the first few years I had it under control, as in, I could have walked away from it like no big deal. Just like my some of my friends did. During that time I experimented with mushrooms (only once - yuk!), LSD (only once - actually twice but the first was fake, the second was the real deal so I OD'd by accident doh!), crack (two weekends in a row - only because of availability ty God), and cocaine (I've done more lines than a zebra wearing corduroy one summer ago). Like for most people my drug selection was limited to availability.
I did have the opportunity to try Heroin once when I was in high school but luckily I decided walk away - talk about dodging a bullet! Whew. Also any designer drugs, meth, speed, pain pills of any kind I never bothered with. Either because I didn't know the right people or too expensive. Besides, I had my hands full juggling my everyday pot habit and puberty! Plus, keeping my usage in the closet from my parents was a full time job when I was a kid.
After high school I lost touch with my dealers and I never bothered looking for new ones so I went stone cold sober for 7 years or so. My mentality was, I won't go looking for it but if it comes my way I won't turn it down. Don't ask, it just worked for me. I have to admit not one day went by I didn't crave pot, though. I felt like the color bled out of my life in those 7yrs, dullsville for sure. I fell into a depression and kept to myself.
I tried to fill the void that marijuana left by buying things I didn't need or couldn't afford (back in the day when everyone was approved for credit), gambling, fast food, computer & internet activities that made me feel special, etc. Accept no substitute, marijuana is in a league of its own, can I get an amen?! Any who, I lived off coffee and cigarettes for 7 years then I came out of my cave, met women, and have been stoned since.
...now comes the dark side...
In 2000 I hurt myself unloading trucks at a summer job and I was too proud to admit it so I just put up with it until I finally quit from the hip pain. I was oldschool (or stupid) and didn't believe any good came out of pills so after a few months of popping aspirin, or tylenol, or ibuprofen the pain didn't go away. So for the next five years or so I just gave up and accepted that I'm a 20-something cripple who's out of shape with a limp.
One day a family member who couldn't bare seeing me like this sent me to his doctor on his dime, since I didn't have health insurance and haven't been to a doctor since I was a teenager. He prescribed me a 3 drug cocktail; a painkiller, anti-inflammatory, and muscle relaxant (5/500 vics, naproxen, flexeril). On subsequent visits he upped my vicodin's to 7.5/750s and then those nice large pink 10/500's.
That lasted 6 months until he tells me their office is no longer allowed to prescribe pain meds - not even aspirin, they have to refer clients to a "pain management clinic" instead. Those places are like welfare doctors, they treat everyone shady because they've been burnt so many times I guess. So I was on my own again to deal with the pain. Because after one visit I never returned to that place again.
I didn't realize how good I had it until it was gone. Nowadays try being honest with your doctor and see where that gets you. So I started buying my vikes off people or from family. Thank god I don't drink or I'd be dead from all the apap I put in my system. Then came vicoprofen down from the heavens to save my liver. Been on vicoprofen 7.5/200 since. I've probably ingested 5,000 7.5/200 vicoprofen pills in my life so far over the course of 4 years.
A couple years ago I faced a life and death situation with a family member. I was called to step up to the plate and not let my hip hold me back. Long story short, the hip pain went away (without drugs) and I realized I wasn't crippled, that I didn't need pain meds. So I stopped with the vicoprofen, HOLY SHIT, that didn't last! It felt like I exchanged a legit physical pain for a bloody fake one. If I was religious I'd say it took away my soul or beat the shit out of it.
I currently have a steady supply of vicoprofen coming in but it doesn't take a genius to figure out one day this too shall pass. So I'm here, in part, to learn to get my arms around this thing before I'm left with my dick in the wind when my supplier runs out. I count myself lucky to acknowledge I have a problem when this drug started pushing back on my life, considering it's so low on the opiate ladder.
I missed out on the whole Oxycontin express train that blew through the states not so long ago, thank god. Now all that is around are those new formula abuse-proof extended release OP pills. They suck for recreational use but are awesome to help deal with w/d from vicoprofen (I know, I know.).
[My heart goes out to everyone hooked on heroin and I mean everyone because nobody has ever used it once. Even though I have never used it, I can imagine what I go through is just a drop in the bucket compared to what heroin users face. Maybe other BLers can testify that heroin is like an unholy unforgiving mistake.]
So to avoid checking myself into rehab and being separated from my loved ones I'm going to try to do it myself, what I have in my toolbox are a boatload of tramadol, xanax, ghetto weed lately, and BL. At this point, I'd be happy to be a functional addict, atleast that's a step in the right direction.
We all have problems. Impossible problems. And then we meet someone who's got bigger problems than we have or atleast they can't handle their problems as well. Sometimes their weakness is a strength. Simple truth, you help someone you help yourself.
Peace.
I started with pot at 14, gradually using it more and more until that's all I did. I'd say for the first few years I had it under control, as in, I could have walked away from it like no big deal. Just like my some of my friends did. During that time I experimented with mushrooms (only once - yuk!), LSD (only once - actually twice but the first was fake, the second was the real deal so I OD'd by accident doh!), crack (two weekends in a row - only because of availability ty God), and cocaine (I've done more lines than a zebra wearing corduroy one summer ago). Like for most people my drug selection was limited to availability.
I did have the opportunity to try Heroin once when I was in high school but luckily I decided walk away - talk about dodging a bullet! Whew. Also any designer drugs, meth, speed, pain pills of any kind I never bothered with. Either because I didn't know the right people or too expensive. Besides, I had my hands full juggling my everyday pot habit and puberty! Plus, keeping my usage in the closet from my parents was a full time job when I was a kid.
After high school I lost touch with my dealers and I never bothered looking for new ones so I went stone cold sober for 7 years or so. My mentality was, I won't go looking for it but if it comes my way I won't turn it down. Don't ask, it just worked for me. I have to admit not one day went by I didn't crave pot, though. I felt like the color bled out of my life in those 7yrs, dullsville for sure. I fell into a depression and kept to myself.
I tried to fill the void that marijuana left by buying things I didn't need or couldn't afford (back in the day when everyone was approved for credit), gambling, fast food, computer & internet activities that made me feel special, etc. Accept no substitute, marijuana is in a league of its own, can I get an amen?! Any who, I lived off coffee and cigarettes for 7 years then I came out of my cave, met women, and have been stoned since.
...now comes the dark side...
In 2000 I hurt myself unloading trucks at a summer job and I was too proud to admit it so I just put up with it until I finally quit from the hip pain. I was oldschool (or stupid) and didn't believe any good came out of pills so after a few months of popping aspirin, or tylenol, or ibuprofen the pain didn't go away. So for the next five years or so I just gave up and accepted that I'm a 20-something cripple who's out of shape with a limp.
One day a family member who couldn't bare seeing me like this sent me to his doctor on his dime, since I didn't have health insurance and haven't been to a doctor since I was a teenager. He prescribed me a 3 drug cocktail; a painkiller, anti-inflammatory, and muscle relaxant (5/500 vics, naproxen, flexeril). On subsequent visits he upped my vicodin's to 7.5/750s and then those nice large pink 10/500's.
That lasted 6 months until he tells me their office is no longer allowed to prescribe pain meds - not even aspirin, they have to refer clients to a "pain management clinic" instead. Those places are like welfare doctors, they treat everyone shady because they've been burnt so many times I guess. So I was on my own again to deal with the pain. Because after one visit I never returned to that place again.
I didn't realize how good I had it until it was gone. Nowadays try being honest with your doctor and see where that gets you. So I started buying my vikes off people or from family. Thank god I don't drink or I'd be dead from all the apap I put in my system. Then came vicoprofen down from the heavens to save my liver. Been on vicoprofen 7.5/200 since. I've probably ingested 5,000 7.5/200 vicoprofen pills in my life so far over the course of 4 years.
A couple years ago I faced a life and death situation with a family member. I was called to step up to the plate and not let my hip hold me back. Long story short, the hip pain went away (without drugs) and I realized I wasn't crippled, that I didn't need pain meds. So I stopped with the vicoprofen, HOLY SHIT, that didn't last! It felt like I exchanged a legit physical pain for a bloody fake one. If I was religious I'd say it took away my soul or beat the shit out of it.
I currently have a steady supply of vicoprofen coming in but it doesn't take a genius to figure out one day this too shall pass. So I'm here, in part, to learn to get my arms around this thing before I'm left with my dick in the wind when my supplier runs out. I count myself lucky to acknowledge I have a problem when this drug started pushing back on my life, considering it's so low on the opiate ladder.
I missed out on the whole Oxycontin express train that blew through the states not so long ago, thank god. Now all that is around are those new formula abuse-proof extended release OP pills. They suck for recreational use but are awesome to help deal with w/d from vicoprofen (I know, I know.).
[My heart goes out to everyone hooked on heroin and I mean everyone because nobody has ever used it once. Even though I have never used it, I can imagine what I go through is just a drop in the bucket compared to what heroin users face. Maybe other BLers can testify that heroin is like an unholy unforgiving mistake.]
So to avoid checking myself into rehab and being separated from my loved ones I'm going to try to do it myself, what I have in my toolbox are a boatload of tramadol, xanax, ghetto weed lately, and BL. At this point, I'd be happy to be a functional addict, atleast that's a step in the right direction.
We all have problems. Impossible problems. And then we meet someone who's got bigger problems than we have or atleast they can't handle their problems as well. Sometimes their weakness is a strength. Simple truth, you help someone you help yourself.
Peace.
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I can relate on many levels.