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Tortured Soul

C Divinity

C Divinity

Bluelighter
Joined
May 24, 2000
Messages
498
Location
florida
I'd like to purge myself of these feelings deep inside. I want to expel this self loathing and pain as if a bulemic would vomit her meal. The empty hole in the pit of my stomach has grown, an emptiness creeping over my entire body. I am hollow veins and a chest cavity with a heart that has grown stone cold, limbs that hang dull and lifeless off a frailing torso, lips drained of all color, blue eyes turned murky, absent of the sparkle they once possessed. I am cold skin and weak bones, the bronzed cinnamon color of my face rapidly fading to a chalky white porcelain color. I feel like a grape in the sun, shriviling, hardening, loosing its beauty and form. I ache through every bone in my body, this mental anguish transpired into physical pain, shooting through my spine and down through my extremities. The gentle sound of my heartbeat has turned to an unwelcome hinderance as I lie awake in bed. Facing a life alone, facing a life absent of love and beauty, hopes and dreams..crushed in one simple act of God. He rose his mighty hand and struck me down, and as I faught with every ounce of my being to stand again he struck me harder than ever before. I am a tourtured soul, bad decisions and numerous lies have all caught up to me. What has happened to my inspiration? It now comes in powdered filled baggies, it comes in pill form, it can be smoked, snorted, injected...What do you do when nothing brings you joy? What do you do when drugs are your only friend? I beg to be filled again..filled with goodness and love, with innocence and peace. Make me naive again, take away the memories of the high..make me whole, end the torturing of my soul...
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You gotta be a bad girl in this world to be heard...
 
Thank you for sharing what you are feeling! Great job of expressing yourself..
Hang in there, right now you are in a funk...with time and new good friends, you will come out of your funk.
Take care!
biggrin.gif

Brownie
 
Wow, this was really deep. I hope that you can find happiness in this world, you deserve it. Everyone deserves happiness. It doesn't matter what form it comes in, happiness is happiness, yet as the world is big, your happiness might be small, small enough to go unnoticed, but if you just capture that feeling, you can do anything your heart desires. Good luck, and thanx for sharing something so personal. Roxie
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"...The heartbeat will never fade. The party will never end. I am a raver, and this is my manifesto."
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Thanks guys..thats probably the most personal piece i've posted, i appreciate your replies.
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You gotta be a bad girl in this world to be heard...
 
very deep. you put a lot of feeling into this... you are a very caring, thoughtful person, and you express yourself well. i send you hugs and happy thoughts dear!
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E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
"...there are 2 paths, you can go back, but in the long run... there's still time to change the road you're on..."
 
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