took ketamine for depression.just woke after sleeping for long.

[thedawn]

hi,so yesterday,saturday,i went in to an experiment.
it was monitored ketamine for TR depression treatment and they dosed me and left me in a room
with a nurse.
it was scary.
i couldn't walk or move really for an hour or so.
just talk. and talk.

after that hour,the "trip" was over and i came down to earth but shattered.
it's definitely not something for everyday use.

came home in taxi at 4 yesterday and went to sleep exhausted.
just woke and it's night,4:36 at night.

they gave me a week script for a benzo so i would be safe or whatever.
i think that's why I'm able to write this.i'm somewhat calm again.
and i do feel refreshed.

i don't know if anyone should do this before it's more researched.
it certainly shakes things up.

i made another app for a month per advice on here.
i don't know if I'm going.
so yeah,just needed to tell someone.im still a bit scared.

i slept 12 hours solid when coming home.

gonna smoke another marlboro now and play some music.

 

[herbavore]

thedawn, I don't think you should base your experimentation on advice from Bluelight (myself included). We can only tell you what we have heard or read but I think your participation should be completely based on what you have researched and how well you feel the therapy is delivered. Do you feel safe and trust the people you are working with?

Are you taking part in a study?

Let the people that administered the drug know how you are feeling. If you are having a lot of fear perhaps they can help you through it or perhaps this is not right for you. Where do you think the fear is coming from? (Fear of addiction? Fear that it may be dangerous? Fear of the actual experiences during the trip and what that brought up?) The fear is legitimate and I think if you do not feel safe discussing this with whoever you are working with--that's a problem.

 

[thedawn]

yes,I'm scared of possible addiction to a "new"drug i don't really know.
i am part in a study.
and yeah,i don't trust anyone in that field.been burned too many times.

right now i don't want to do it again.
it was scary.
these people I'm dealing with seem professional but they don't really have answers to my questions.

i have a month now to decide if i want to do it again.

 

[Allein]

Hi thedawn,

Thanks for the update, as I mentioned before I've used ketamine and another similar chemical myself but not in a medical setting.

It has been used in medicine for many years and is considered to be very safe in that setting,this so I wouldn't concern yourself about addiction etc. It has been shown to be problematic for some people in recreational use but isn't addictive in the traditional sense.

I'm kinda surprised they have provided benzos as i would have thought these could interfere with the possible benefit of the treatment or at least throw doubt upon any measured results.

I hope it helps you, I'd be really interested to hear how you get on.

 

[thedawn]

thanks,Allein,i will keep updates here on the dark side.
i really hope it will help too.
i can't really concentrate much or have any happiness.I'm almost always depressed.
i have done all the treatments,all the anti depressants,a lot of illegal drugs….

at the same time i don't want to get my hopes up.
have been let down too much before.

today seems pretty good.i don't have the usual anxiety actually.
maybe this has benefits.
we will see.

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Some people can and do become addicted to Ketamine. A friend of mine is one of them. I do not know if she still uses it anymore or not? Tell the people running the study you do not want to take part in the study anymore and why you do not, if you do not want to take anymore ketamine, and tell them any issues or problems you are having after taking the drug. Be careful with the benzos as well. Good luck.

 

[thedawn]

i fell asleep again at 330 sunday afternoon and woke now.
it's past midnight into monday.
i was exhausted from the thing.and a bit anxious.
feeling ok now,waiting for the benzo to kick in.

i haven't obviously made up my mind as to whether continue or not.

the ketamine might cause anxiety.

 

[plmar]

I wouldn't dwell on it as much as you are right now. Did you say this is a once-a-month procedure? If so then you'll be physically fine.
I've heard of Ketamine damaging the bladder and all that but I imagine it's only from long-term hardcore use.

Nobody knows your body better than yourself, so it's up to you to decide whether it's helping or not.

 

[thedawn]

I know it's up to me but i would like as much info from anyone who
knows anything about ketamine since I'm unfamiliar with it.
it passed me by in the rave/house scene in the 90s.
i know some people took it and talked about k-holes and stuff like that.

i'm just at an age where i can't afford a hospital stay or mania or addiction or whatever connected with
ketamine.
I have a kid.a "normal"life I'm trying my best to live.
i have had suicidal thoughts my whole life.
please understand that this is serious to me and if i seem unsure and whatnot,well,i am.

i don't know if it helps yet.
i have a week benzo script that I'm currently taking.as prescribed.
please bear with me.

 

[thedawn]

ketamine for suicidal depression part2.mods,just delete if "wrong"

hi,so i am and have been very depressed.
to the point of offing myself even though i can't since i have a kid.
i took a test,but don't like clinical environments and doctors and nurses.

i did it the legit way,but felt more nervous afterwards.
sometime today my "friend"gave me ketamine so i could use it UNSUPERVISED.

i prepared,this depression is killing me,with music,bed,sleeping pills.

i took a small dose(this k stuff is very potent and nothing to fuck around with if u
don't want to end up in the ER).

it was different being by myself,knowing it lasts for less than an hour.
i wasn't so scared.
while "the trip"or what it's called lasts i was very aware of my surroundings.
and i had my cell phone close by.

it's not earth shattering like strong acid but it's potent enough.
it could scare whoever who doesn't know what it's about.

i just want to be able to be a daddy to my kid.
I'm done with "getting high".right now.
the problem is that my anxiety and depression keeps me from attending his school games and sports.

I'm still,with subs,too anxious to go to any of my kids school activities.

i was hoping this thing might lead me in the right direction.
it might.dont know yet.

so that was my day.
if deleted,never mind.i don't care.i don't need to "save the world".
i just need to live till i die and not kill myself and in the process I'm trying different things.

I'm getting older and to enjoy life would be an added bonus.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Ketamine really alleviated my depression, a lot.

 

[thedawn]

hi,haven't posted since i took the ketamine alone in an ideal setting and it lasts for
about 15 min so i knew i would b ok.
my friend who got it for me gave me something called MXE as well after
he heard what i was planning to do.

i did some research on MXE and it's nothing for me.
might benefit others.

it's too early or ketamine doesn't work for me or whatever to say
anything for certain.personally speaking.

i have had so much shit going on in my life that I've has legitimate reasons
to be depressed.i took the K re clinical depression.

i have been bed struck a lot of the time and none from AA checked.
but that is my experience only.i was too weak to reach out myself.

I'm up and showered today because of a custody thing i don't even understand.
all i know is i love my kid,the only happiness in my life,and hope it goes well.
so on returning i won't b able to check this board and maybe not again for a while.

caseface,i saw u replied to my other thread,I'm sorry,i don't have the courage right now to
read it in case it's a big defense of AA.

so back to the ketamine…..i don't know.
i don't think i would try it again.
i have access and so forth but it doesn't seem to serve my particular situation.

will post back later when stronger.

wishing everyone all the best.

 

[herbavore]

thedawn, I'm really sorry that things are falling apart the way they are. Going through a custody hearing, the divorce, losing your house--it's monumental. I know how hard you are struggling each and every day just to not fall apart yourself. You are doing good. It may not feel that way, but you are. Keep it basic--eat right, sleep, go for walks. Don't demand super-human strength of yourself--just basic health so that you can get through this time. Better times are ahead once the dust settles and things get sorted out. Right now, just take care of yourself. (())