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Too anyone who is having these symptoms

Mind - I went through a period of about 8 months of extreme anxiety manifested by derealization and a minor depersonalization. At the time, I was absolutely convinced that I had some sort of brain damage. I felt fine, took some powder and then for months felt terrible.

Looking back almost 2 years later, it was all just temporary anxiety. I did myself no favors by obsessing over my feelings at the time. Google was not my friend either. I know it sounds strange, but if you spend your time and energy working on your anxiety via therapy (I used CBT), mindfulness and staying busy, instead of being concerned about how quickly you will recover or the extent of your damage, I believe you will feel normal much sooner.

I have seen a pattern with these long term comedown/RC induced anxiety threads on the MDMA forum: 1) "omg what is wrong with me" 2) "is it permanent" 3) "how do I fix it (this usually involves experimenting with all sorts of herbs and other hocus pocus BS)" 4) freaking out 5) "I feel a little better but XYZ is still broken" 6) "I feel a lot better but I still dont enjoy XYZ" 7) "everything is all better, it was in my head, dont think about it and you will be better."

Many people create an account when things are bad and we never hear from them once they improve. When I was going through my experience, there were no positive recovery stories on BL. However, now there are countless.

Don't fight it. Just live your life and let it pass. Anxiety is a real motherfucker, especially if you did not expect it coming.

After I overcame my first substance induced anxiety, I took real MDMA to see what would happen. Sure enough, I found myself with very nasty derealization the next day. Instead of freaking out about it, I genuinely ignored it and went on with my life. I felt 100% fine a week later. I am sure that if I approached my second experience as I had my first experience, I would be stuck in the hole for several months.
 
Dawglaw - I agree with you I will get better in time but I find it really strange that I took one high dose and have made sure I've spread out my rolls to avoid hangovers. Is it really that common to have 3 week+ long hangovers from taking 333mg MDMA (I know everyone is different but talking in general)? I feel myself getting better then I'll have days like today where all of a sudden I feel really off like I took a step back from previous days. My brain feels slightly foggy and feel anti-social (not to mention anxiety/depression, not severe but present). I'm mostly worried about my cognitive abilities because I've noticed it's still harder to follow what people are saying and my brain seems to 'blank out' at times when I'd have something to say in a conversation. Also, in fairness I've been a long-time lurker it's just now I decided to make an account.
 
I smoke the occasional J (once a month). I have anywhere from 10-40 units of alcohol a month, mostly in "binges" on a Friday or Saturday.

Once every few months I might do a line of blow or two but I have calmed that down as my career has picked up.

Mind - when I got fucked up, I had only done E about 6 times in my life, spread out over about 8 years. I hadn't touched anything similar to MDMA in over 4 years. I do not think what I took was real MDMA but it doesn't matter. It set off some nasty anxiety that took a long time to figure through.

BTW - since my disaster with the dirty molly, I have returned to 100%, graduated law school with honors, passed two bar exams and now am a practicing attorney. The idea of brain damage and the seemingly correlated symptoms that manifest are nothing but anxiety.
 
Dawglaw - From personal experience and experience of people I know I do think MDMA can cause brain damage however for the most part all damage to the brain is temporary. In time the brain will heal itself, it just takes longer for some people that others depending on many factors. I do think you can have permanent brain damage from MDMA use but that is from very heavy abuse. There are many symptoms people suffer through that can't be merely chalked up as anxiety. For example, I am currently have some memory deficits from my recent MDMA use - I'm not saying it is permanent brain damage but I am saying MDMA can cause cognitive problems that take time to sort out.
 
Dayglaw - How long did it take for you to sort out your anxiety issue after taking the 'dirty' molly? What was the dose? I'm guessing it was some sort of research chemicals in the molly? Sorry for double post but it's not allowing me to edit posts today.
 
Dude. Dont even ask how long it took someone to sort things out. Everyone is different. If you feel you might be getting better that's great. hopefully its not very long. when I say that it could mean a few more weeks or a few more months. it seems like the average is about 9-12 months. Some people its a lot less. I had known and tested MDMA and I have problems. So the chemical I believe means very little. I personally just took much. Maybe the chemical you took you were sensitive to and you had way to high of a dose to what ever it was

Bottom line. just strap in and sit down and get ready for a ride. Its not gonna be easy the next bit of time ahead but you need to come to terms with what's happening. And know it won't last forever.

As far as the brain damage aspect. I personally believe at least iny case. that I have fucked up some brain cells. And a repair/regrowth is currently in the works and I feel my self getting much better as the weeks go on. I'm at month 10 now. The anxiety I used to have is all gone. And I still experience emotional, cognitive and dissasociatve issues.

All I can say is avoid all sugars and caffein, eat healthier than you ever have and work out (30 min cardio every day). that is the most important part. get to the gym everyday. and Dont lift weights. run for 30 min every day. And I promise results.

Pm me for anything.
 
Mind:

I am exactly 8 weeks in now.

In the third week I remember pushing the lightswitch in my apartment to turn off the vacuum cleaner... I forgot shit all the time, "why did I go in to the kitchen now?" that kind of shit.

Those kind of cognitive problems are a consequence of anxiety! During week 6-7 I felt almost recovered! (I don't have as heavy a comedown as many on here). I didn't really have anxiety, only nervousness (quite severe at times but it didn't impare me at all). My cognivite problems cleared up big time. Felt like I had almost returned to normal with respect to memory/general cognitive abilities. I was happy, probably even experiencing some afterglow as music appreciation was higher than normal during those weeks.

Now, 4-5 days ago the anxiety returned big time. Have no idea why, feels bad man. After a couple of days of anxiety and bad sleep some of the cognitive issues returned, especially while speaking, looking for words, mispronouncing etc. I've also gotten som light DP (deperzonalisation). The DP always follows the anxiety.

So I've basically gone from feeling extremely close to 100% recovery, back to pretty bad anxiety, and the cognitive problems followed.


What I understand from this is that, atleast in my case, most of the cognitive problems is a consequence of anxiety, and thus the MDMA indirectly. I can't see how that indicates "brain damage"
 
What about other issues as head pressure, or a burning sensation in the head/neck, and facial pressure even? Has anyone experienced any of these? These suck really bad
 
Update: I am on week 3.5 of my long MDMA comedown...I can definitely notice improvements week to week. I had a really good day yesterday but it's weird now today I've not been in a good mood at all and noticeable anxiety. Most of my days have been okay but what I have noticed is that every 4-5 days I'll have a bad day and then the next few days are fine, rinse and repeat but the bad days have been getting better. I honestly think the days that have been bad is just my brain rebooting. It's only a theory but I think the bad days are just my brain feeling off from readjustments in my brain chemistry during the recovery process resulting in increased depression/anxiety. Also, on these days I have weird tingling sensations in my brain and mild head pressure which I also think is just my brain sorting itself out. Things that have worked for me in getting through this have been exercise, meditation, socializing (keeps your mind off of your symptoms) and plenty of sleep. I'd also recommend a good B-complex vitamin for anxiety and cognitive health. I definitely noticed an improvement after taking this vitamin. Other supplements that are good are a multivitamin, 5-htp and omega-3. I still find it crazy that my comedown is this long after one high dose but everyone is different and I know my limits from now on.

Scared - I wouldn't fret too much as long as you noticed some improvements. I had a friend that took ~200mg of MDMA and had bad anxiety for 3 months then it just basically stopped. I'm not saying this will be the same case for you but you are still fairly early on in your brain's recovery process. What was the dose you took? Despite what many users I've seen say about gaining your serotonin levels back in 2-4 weeks I'm convinced it takes much longer. Obviously, it depends on the person, dosage, and many other factors but I'd say it takes 1.5-3 months for a user that takes a average-high dose and has no history of abuse with it. If you're still struggling after month 3 I'd see a doctor.
 
MindOverMatter1 said:
Scared - I wouldn't fret too much as long as you noticed some improvements. I had a friend that took ~200mg of MDMA and had bad anxiety for 3 months then it just basically stopped. I'm not saying this will be the same case for you but you are still fairly early on in your brain's recovery process. What was the dose you took? Despite what many users I've seen say about gaining your serotonin levels back in 2-4 weeks I'm convinced it takes much longer. Obviously, it depends on the person, dosage, and many other factors but I'd say it takes 1.5-3 months for a user that takes a average-high dose and has no history of abuse with it. If you're still struggling after month 3 I'd see a doctor.
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Hi man, thanks for caring dude.

I've been convinced this whole time that I would get back to normal fairly quick, still am.

I dont' know quite how much I took, but I have zero tolerance. I have only railed it 1 time like 10 months ago, and then I dropped it exactly 2 months ago.

Started off with a small drop, like 75mg. Then I redosed with another 75mg two-three hours later. I was rolling pretty good after that, about .150 all together.
Then I did the stupid thing.. At about the 6-8 hour mark since the first drop I took the biggest drop of the evening, not really sure, but it was probably around 100-150 mg I think after talking to my friend about it.

So all in all I got maybe around 250 mg (maybe more), but the biggest factor comedown wise is that I took is so late in the night (was still rolling at 6 in the morning, took the first drop at like 20:15 in the evening).
The fact that the last redose I took was so late, and the fact that the last redose was by far the biggest dose is probably what fucked me up. Remember I have zero tolerance.

The evening itself was awesome, had the best time ever, loved every minute of the 10-12 hours I was rolling my tits off.


My comedown has consisted of _EXTREME_ to mild to zero anxiety and trouble sleeping. My sleep has been getting close to normal now. The major thing for me ATM is the anxiety that has returned. Even though it makes it hard for me from day to day, I actually feel like I had a great day at work today. My mood is unusually (even compared to normal) good, and as a math teacher I feel I performed as I usually do.
During these 2 months I have very rarely (as in a few hours during a week) felt depressed in any real way.
During the first week I probably was, but things was so extremely crazy then that I just focused on holding on and getting through a work day.
 
Scared - You sound like you're in a very similar position to me right now. I've realized that redosing is terrible for your mind. I've had two experiences prior to this where I took an average dose once with no redose and the hangover only lasted a few days and was back to my normal self very fast. The reason I can attribute the comedown I'm experiencing now is not only did I take a high dose (around 300mg MDMA) but I took about 200mg at one time THEN an hour and a half later after I took an additional 100mg. I knew it was a bad idea because it produced no additional positive benefits I just felt speedy and zombie-like.

I think what did you in was definitely the redose (especially because it was really spread out). Also, I've heard that having prior MDMA experience actually 'prepares' or 'helps' your brain for a higher dose because it has already gone through the stress MDMA can put on your brain. I'm not saying if you have experience with MDMA it would be okay to take higher doses but at least you're brain may be slightly ready for it. In your case since this was your first time your brain wasn't ready at all for what you put in your system. I think what may have helped me a bit to avoid some neurotoxicity was the fact that after such a stupid dose I was prepared with many antioxidants, a SSRI, and vitamins to replenish my mind when the experience over which helped to some degree. You're situation sounds like it's definitely MDMA related and it should sort itself out in time. As much as this experience has sucked for me and really regret it you have to realize there is a good lesson for us to understand through this experience. I know I will become a stronger person when I get through this and I have decided that I'm done with MDMA. I just am hoping that these side effects (mostly depression/anxiety) will completely dissipate - I just want to be the same guy I was before I took so much.
 
I know that redosing increases neurotoxicity.

But I'm not 100% sure that the symptoms we are experiencing during these comedowns really stem from the actual toxicity.
All the symptoms I've had are almost identical to general moderate/severe serotonin deficiency.

I don't know exactly what the neurotoxicity entails, but I know it can result in actual axons detaching, and frying of 5ht receptors?

The thing is, I've experienced ALL emotions fully during the comedown, I've had steady _happy_ and _motivated_ days 100% clear of anxiety. Music appreciation for me on the day to day is actually higher than it has ever been, in spite of anxiety.
For some reason that indicates to me that the main thing is imbalanced/depleted neurotransmitters rather than fried neurons/receptors.

I haven't abused this shit either, I just gave my brain a fucking intense experience that it obviously needs to recover form. Pretty sure that the spaced out redoses didn't really save any serotonin for a rainy day (read: now) either..... :)
 
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From beginning to end I suffered from de realization for 8 months. Like others have said, everyone is different.

Most of the reports on BL say 6 months to a year before 100%.

Looking back only a few weeks of my 8 months were terrible. The rest of the time it was manageable. Just uncomfortable and annoying.

Also: as documented in the other post, I unknowingly ingested 100mg of tested mdma last friday. I am 100% fine and and have not suffered any comedown/anxiety.

I'm not too happy about what happened but it is very interesting to report that I have no problems. I will still never intentionally take MDMA or similar drugs again due to my past experiences.
 
I coming on month 10. I wanna say im almost there. Still got vision issues, emotions are relitively low, music is getting better, brain still feels a bit squishy and I have memory issues still, as well as a weird uncomfortable feeling in my head. Its all getting better though. I hope in another 2 months Ill be much better
 
Guys, what the hell is going on with this shit? Haven't really read about any symptoms quite like this:

My music appreciation is through the roof, even though i'm fucked, hardly slept last night, had constant anxiety today.
I'm listening to Knockin' On Heavens Door at work, and it sounds so good. The way the guitar is rolling in the background during the first minute sounds incredible, a perfect complement to the vocals.. I get this pretty immense feeling that my life, and actually everyone elses life, is much more colorful than we think. The way I think about what's going on is imbued with some colorful good feeling. As the song progresses I get more and more sad.

I would gauge my music appreciation to be at about 200% right now. It's like this with a handful of EDM songs too, mostly deep house. And pink floyd..

Definitely a nice relief from the painful thougts and anxiety.

Edit: Jamming hard to "Up where we belong" with Joe cocker right now, damn
 
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pmz said:
I coming on month 10. I wanna say im almost there. Still got vision issues, emotions are relitively low, music is getting better, brain still feels a bit squishy and I have memory issues still, as well as a weird uncomfortable feeling in my head. Its all getting better though. I hope in another 2 months Ill be much better
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PMZ, i saw a post you wrote saying you had trouble reading, how much hve you recovered this function? Im having trouble in that aspect
 
Hi guys, I'm in need of some advice :)

I suffer from a long term MDMA induced depression, and I'm currently in my 4th week. Anyways, there is this big music festival in my hometown, which I have been looking forward to for months! the last couple of days, I haven't been sure if I wanted to participate because of my anxiety (which at times get pretty tough), but I have come to the decision, that I will go, and if it gets too much, I could always leave. My question is whether I should be drinking alcohol? I know the obvious answer would be NO, but I would still like to know about your experiences. By the way, I'm not planning on getting smashed! I wouldn't be drinking more than a couple of beers.
 
Delfin - I think it's a good idea to get out of the house and go to a music festival (as long as your not taking MDMA) to tackle the anxiety your facing head on. I always found socializing while having anxiety helps make it dissipate even if it's tough to initially get out of the house. As far as drinking goes, having a few beers wouldn't hinder your brain recovery process too much. Obviously, not taking any kind of drugs would be the way to go but it's not a big deal if you drink a bit. However, Delfin don't be surprised if you get depressed really easily after drinking. I know I had a beer or two during my current comedown and got sad easily. Also, I'm in the same boat as you almost on week 4 of my long-term MDMA comedown after taking a high dose and each week I can notice progress, hope it's the same for you.

Scared - I have found that after each time I take MDMA my music appreciation is always higher for months after. When I roll I always listen to good music (mostly EDM shows). I've found that at random times I'll be listening to a song and it will bring back some MDMA nostalgia and I'll actually feel like I'm rolling ever so slightly. Weird but cool. Music can bring back emotions from your past. For example, there could be a song that was played during a very sad moment of your life and whenever you listen to that song it brings those emotions back. On the other hand, listening to certain music or a certain song could bring back some of those emotions and feelings you felt when you were rolling.

My Recovery Update: I'm almost on week 4 of my longterm MDMA comedown and feel like my cognitive ability is at 85-90% (noticeable improvements in memory, speech, and thought process skills) but still have some emotional issues. My anxiety and depression have gotten better week to week so it should be only a matter of time before I get back to baseline. I'm still having bouts of anxiety and depression but have had mostly good days. It's still a little 'up and down' where my mental health can change in the middle of the day for no reason instead of being level-headed everyday before my last roll. Maybe a few more weeks or another month and I'll be back to my self emotion-wise. Finally, one thing that is important that I thought I'd address is that I have still been getting tingling sensations and it sort of feels like pins and needles in my head. During this time it will almost always accompany a low-mood and I'm convinced that this sensation is simply my brain rewiring itself. When this occurs it is slightly annoying but it's also encouraging because I know my brain is healing itself and I'm on the path to a full recovery.
 
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maybe your molly was of higher purity than normal. maybe you achieved serotonin syndrome.

or maybe your molly contained impurities. do you know anyone else that took the same molly?
 
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