today

life has its ups and its downs

the past few weeks have been a blur of ups, a blur of good times, of new friends, of new found self confidence, of everything good in life.

then in a blink of an eye, i'm right back to feeling the way i felt before.

am i destined to feel this way forever? to experience something good, to wish it could change my life, change my perception of my life, and then for it to come crashing down once again?

again i am leaving, this time for different reasons, and still in some ways the same - to escape. the past months have been about escape, escape from reality, from the bitter truth of whats happened.

when will i face whats become of my life, the person i have become and the new paths which i have chosen? When will i accept reality, instead of finding every single way to avoid it?

I will enter therapy soon i think. i dont know if i qualify at all. my problems seem so trivial compared to some of the things people i know have been through, i feel like i dont deserve the help, that this should be something a normal person can deal with by themselves.

i feel selfish.

 

Well I would like to first say that your problems are YOUR problems. If they are important to you, effect your life to the point where you feel a need to avoid or escape situations- then they are PLENTY important enough to see a therapist over.
I'm not sure all of what you are referring to here- but I can say that one of the first steps, similar to recovery, is acceptance. Avoiding your problems only drags them out longer. Burying them under drug or alcohol abuse, or pretending they aren't there solves nothing. Acknowledging them and trying to figure out a way to move past them is much more productive. It might hurt for a little while, but the pain will pass as you work through it. If you continue to ignore it, the pain will last much longer and probably lead into new problems and more pain.

I hope that you do decide to talk to someone about what ever it is your are going through
I don't see you in TDS much, but we're always there to hear someone out- I don't know you really, but if you need someone, you can always PM me- or you can Blog it, which is usually a good way of keeping track of your ups and downs

Hope things look up for you soon

 

Hi Versd,
People enter therapy for many reasons, I have been in therapy for years and love it, it’s a place where I can dump all my rubbish and bad feeling leaving feeling refreshed and vibrant.
Versd your problems aren’t trivial and you do deserve help, when you decide to speak to someone it will be the right time, a time when hopefully you’ll find that ‘new found self confidence, of everything good in life’ which you spoke about. Take care.

 

thanks for the replys everyone. im sorry about the vagueness of my posts, there is history here at bluelight which i have made the choice to avoid.

ocean you are right. the issues started a while ago, and began to be a real issue due to a recent event, which then spiralled down into the realisation that there is much more inside which needs to be addressed than just the current problems at hand.

i used to think my problems were based around the need of social acceptance from external sources such as the approval from society, from people, ive recently been out there, and found some of this acceptance from people who i thought i would never have, and yet it still isnt enough, i still feel the same.

perhaps its just that one person who i cant let go of who i need to win back to fix all this, or much more likely is that i need to let go of that desire.

i do my best to post in TDS to provide whatever insight i can, i am not comfortable to create my own post yet though. maybe one day you'll see a post from me in there, i dont think it will be any time soon though as i still believe my problems do not deserve their own entry in tds.

i know what i need to do, and the path i need to follow to get through all this, making it happen is the part which im unable to follow through with. in some ways this makes it more difficult. taking my own advice.

 

^Well, I am here and TDS is here if/when you need us!!
Take Care of YOU first.


Just to add in here- usually acceptance of your self, will bring peace over acceptance from someone else.

Keep your head up!

 

Don't feel selfish, everyone's got problems. Only selfish people go to therapy without REAL problems.

It sounds like you have some real problems, am I right? I know I do. I went to therapy recently and I was planning to go again (if I had a car that works at all I would've gone a few days ago).

Feel free to PM me some time. And if it makes you feel better, I have nearly zero in real life (IRL) friends.

And yes, you deserve help. Don't take it out on yourself, and have a good one,

CH